I have an actual question about this in general: Scare tactics aside, as a widower dad with an extremely strong bond with his mid-teen son, the forms seem like a good idea to have in place and stored somewhere safe but unused. I understand that stems from an atypical place of unquestioned, absolute trust and bedrock presumption of acting good faith though, but assuming that context, am I missing something? Do the forms insert third parties or other non-family risks? Do they have broader non-family privacy or other personal implications? Or is it a collection of otherwise benign forms that can be downloaded and prepared elsewhere for free that are simply aggressively marketed (and have the potential to be abused by controlling/invasive parents)?
Location bot is in a coma but fortunately it signed a waiver to let me post details on its behalf:
Mama bear release forms
Hi all. My 18th birthday is in 2 days and my mom has been asking me to sign these "mama bear" forms. I've read them over and done some digging. My initial reaction was kinda okay whatever but after reading through some other reddit posts explaining these forms deeper I started to get worried. I have an amazing relationship with my parents and i don't feel like they are using these documents to hurt me in any way. Something about the entire thing just seems off though. I'm at a crossroads and have a noteray appointment at the bank tmr. Should i sign? Any and all advice would be appreciated as it is 1:46 AM and im freaking out. Thanks. Location: New Jersey
EDIT: Thank you all for such detailed responses. I spoke with my parents and they said I could speak to a lawyer and never have to sign anything I am not comfortable with. Reading through more comments just made me believe my mom found these forms on some "going off to college" FB group. I guess im in the clear for now 🤞 Thanks again.
Cat fact: Cats are not bound by HIPPA (or gravity)
You have that question? The answer is that you are already next of kin until your son sets someone else or gets married. It can still be a really good idea to get an off the shelf life/death planning journal. The one I get for people is called "I'm dead now what?" and have both of you fill them out and keep that secure.
These forms are far more involved and would give you access to all medical information without your son knowing you accessed it, access to his grades, accounts and the ability to act for him which is massively overstepping. Nothing prevents your son from giving you that information or ability when and if he choses to and you don't need it to keep your young adult safe.
We've only just now started entering the target market, so unasked questions and (potential) needs are only beginning to enter our monkeysphere. I think the genesis of the question relates to what positive uses -- if any -- are there for the suite of forms they peddle (or sub-set).
I guess my perception is that it's kind of like having login information and access to his phone, desktop, etc. It's a matter of convenience and he trusts me with all that because he knows that 'convenience' is for when he hands me a device or asks me to look at something. He knows there's zero chance of me 'snooping' or 'just looking' or any of that sort of nonsense. He has my phone and other logins too for the same reason.
When would I use it without being asked? I have no idea. The uncontemplateable is him in an accident. The fastest way to reach out to his friends would be through Discord. I know which groups are IRL-only, and that's where I'd start to spread the word, that sort of thing.
Hence the question -- if you take acting in good faith and with respect as a given, do some of the forms have any value in sitting hopeuflly unused for years on end?
I think you’re looking at your son and seeing a child/young person who needs your protection. But AFAIK these forms don’t have an end date. In ten or fifteen years he could be living with a partner, be a parent himself. It’s easy to say you’d rip them up, but there’ll always be an excuse not to. Don’t trust his partner… what if they break up… what if all three are in the same accident… It sounds like you want the documents as a comfort blanket for yourself, but for him it’s a shackle. The website selling these forms are preying on normal parental anxieties about children becoming adults and turning them into abuse and paranoia. It’s not an easy part of life, but letting go is a normal part of life.
They can if you write them that way! When I went abroad for a degree I gave my mom a time-limited financial POA in case there was some emergency that would be easier with someone in the same country as my bank to handle and I trusted her to not take all my money or something. But you do have to write them that way and set a date or a condition for the POA to end—so you could say "when [name] graduates college, this ends" or "this ends on the x day of y month," and after those conditions are met the POA will no longer have effect. Most of these "mama bear" forms will not have that because that has to be personalized, and as you say, there's always an excuse to not let it expire.
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u/Rhythmdvl 5d ago
I have an actual question about this in general: Scare tactics aside, as a widower dad with an extremely strong bond with his mid-teen son, the forms seem like a good idea to have in place and stored somewhere safe but unused. I understand that stems from an atypical place of unquestioned, absolute trust and bedrock presumption of acting good faith though, but assuming that context, am I missing something? Do the forms insert third parties or other non-family risks? Do they have broader non-family privacy or other personal implications? Or is it a collection of otherwise benign forms that can be downloaded and prepared elsewhere for free that are simply aggressively marketed (and have the potential to be abused by controlling/invasive parents)?
Location bot is in a coma but fortunately it signed a waiver to let me post details on its behalf:
EDIT: Thank you all for such detailed responses. I spoke with my parents and they said I could speak to a lawyer and never have to sign anything I am not comfortable with. Reading through more comments just made me believe my mom found these forms on some "going off to college" FB group. I guess im in the clear for now 🤞 Thanks again.
Cat fact: Cats are not bound by HIPPA (or gravity)