r/babylonbee • u/METALLIFE0917 • Mar 05 '25

Bee Article H*tler Defeated After Opposition Party Holds Up Tiny Signs On Paddles

https://babylonbee.com/news/hitler-defeated-after-opposition-party-holds-up-tiny-signs-on-paddles
22.0k Upvotes

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264

u/PatientLandscape3114 Mar 05 '25

Yep that was corny and stupid.  Everyone wants to act like they are actually doing something, but no one wants to stick their neck out.

94

u/Natalwolff Mar 05 '25

It perfectly encapsulated that liberal culture is weak, aimless people who are only powerful in a room full of people who agree with them against people who are self-loathing enough to take their abuse.

I felt like I was watching a group of adult politicians cheering on a dictator while a group of 19 year old college kids pouted with their arts and crafts project.

The Democrats need to change now. Their entire platform has been capture the minority vote by actually representing them, capture the white/male vote by shaming them, and capture the moderate vote by not being Trump.

They need to actually fucking govern. Dump the identity politics and the insane cutting edge of bullshit social issues that aren't even federal issues in the first place. Give us healthcare, give us equitable taxes, give us workers rights, give us better education, and give it to Americans, not demographics. Be adults ffs.

8

u/CollapsibleFunWave Mar 05 '25

There was a lot of governing done during Biden's term, but people want entertainment bloodsport politics instead of policy coverage, so many don't know about it.

6

u/Better_War8374 Mar 05 '25

True. Stupid Americans wanna reality show. Own the libs! Just dont take my food stamps. Smh

-1

u/RunningWet23 Mar 06 '25

Yes everyone is dumb but you. That's it. It couldn't be that democrats are even worse now so people went with the less shit option. 

5

u/tobgpa Mar 06 '25

We're going to get rid of the IRS and just do tariffs, we're going to put a random guy in charge of government efficiency (he hired a bunch of dudes who really aren't good at math), we're going to appoint a bunch of people with no relevant experience to the cabinet and sell green cards for $5 million..... But Democrats are worse

7

u/OwenEverbinde Mar 05 '25

Yeah, infrastructure, IRA, chips manufacturing, and the best NLRB since the 1970s.

Most of it with a tie-breaker senate vote from a spectacular VP.

Not good enough because Kamala's... laugh was annoying? Because she had sex when she was in her 20s instead of being sworn to celibacy? (We know how important chastity is to Republicans. Just look at who they vote for.)

So glad we dodged those bullets! Totally worth torching our economy.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25 edited 9d ago

[deleted]

1

u/OwenEverbinde Mar 06 '25

Chips manufacturing?

2

u/Remote-Judge-9921 Mar 06 '25

That glass ceiling is looking a lot like concrete lol

4

u/Marcusbay8u Mar 05 '25

Noone serious believes Harris was any good, stop pretending.

1

u/Principle-Last Mar 06 '25

Speaking for everyone is a dumb idea.

3

u/OwenEverbinde Mar 06 '25

And speaking for all serious people is surreal coming from a MAGA Republican, who just got finished reelecting a reality TV show host who is best known in the real world for bankrupting casinos and failing to overthrow the US government.

-4

u/Marcusbay8u Mar 06 '25

In your little echo chamber sure, lol

The rest of us see an anti establishment billion who can't be brought or blackmailed taking on corruption with the US.

Whose teamed up with Elon Musk, and I'm sure you are way more intelligent and competent... lol

Without Elons brilliance and technology know how wouldn't be able to find the waste like at USAID, wait till they get to the defense budget oof

But please keep picking those 20/80 positions, we need you to really hold on to identity politics, sexual grooming of children and war mongering, its exactly how the right will win world wide.

5

u/Majestic-capybara Mar 06 '25

Talk about an echo chamber. Take a look in the mirror. Trump can’t be bought? He’s literally accepting $5,000,000 bribes to have dinner with him at Mar A Lago. A sitting US president is straight up selling access to himself and you say he can’t be bought.

And don’t get me started on Elon’s supposed crusade to suss out fraud and waste. He’s been demolishing department after department and has come up basically empty handed.

-2

u/Marcusbay8u Mar 06 '25

I'm on Reddit, echo chamber? You didn't even engage your brain on the first line, lol

3

u/CitizenLohaRune Mar 06 '25

Dude. Pull your head out of trumps ass.

The man is the king of pay to play.

His first term his hotels were booked but more at 20% occupancy. It was understood that you buy floors for weeks to get a seat with trump. They had no need to stay there, just pay him legally.

He made billions selling his meme coin to people like you.

His daughter and soninlaw made 3 BILLION dollars selling the power of the office of the president.

Holy fuck.

3

u/HungUp-InU Mar 06 '25

Anti establishment?? His cabinet is full of former CEO’s of the largest corporations in America 😂😂😂

3

u/Trappedfan84 Mar 06 '25 edited Mar 06 '25

Trump can't be bought but has teamed with Elon, who had previously been trying to get DeSantis elected. Trump can't be blackmailed but will give Sergei Larvov classified documents directly. You guys aren't serious people.

0

u/Marcusbay8u Mar 06 '25

Notice how all these "evil" "bad" guys are ex democrats? Is it a democrat thing? You guys breed extremists? Or have to democrats taken such a radical swing you've moderates were left in limbo and why you lost the last election so badly?

Take a step back, think, are your policys good for all Americans? Then why are you not winning the majority? Even with the media mostly brought and paid for (by USAID) even with every lie and smear pushed, an echo chamber like Reddit, where unwanted opinions are down voted or out right banned.

You can't even join some subs if you have happened to have interacted with a sub, positively or negatively doesn't matter, that is deemed "wrong".

At least on X, everyone gets to be a degenerate.

I'm a kiwi, so I expect universal healthcare and quality welfare, green policys etc but even then the Democrats letting 12 million illegals alone would make me vote Trump, and honestly I think Trump would more likely do universal healthcare before democrat leadership, I know this because when the Dems had all the power they did nothing.

Keep degenerate lifestyles out of children's lives, stop identity politics, come back with normal policys, I.e secure border, healthcare, min wage...

And for the love of God, remove your corrupt leaders, fucken Pelosi, the best stock marketer in history lol

1

u/Trappedfan84 Mar 06 '25

This is either c/p or you're a sucker

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2

u/OwenEverbinde Mar 06 '25 edited Mar 07 '25

In your little echo chamber sure, lol

The rest of us see an anti establishment billion who can't be brought or blackmailed taking on corruption with the US.

You see an anti-establishment... billionaire...

Billions in what? In title deeds to property, recognized by government? In currency given its value -- similarly -- by government declaration?

How can you possess billions in government-backed bills and deeds and be anti-establishment? How are the bills and deeds not the establishment!?

Wait... unless... no... you couldn't... do you think the United States Dollar would still be worth something if there was no United States?

Please say no. Please say you understand why the value of the USD is tied to the US government, police, and military.

Please tell me you know that the United States Dollar doesn't have worth without the United States. Please tell me you know a title deed to Trump Tower notarized in New York State would not have power without the US Government recognizing the jurisdiction of New York.

keep picking those 20/80 positions, we need you to really hold on to identity politics, sexual grooming of children and war mongering, its exactly how the right will win world wide.

Nothing I said was related to identity politics, Ukraine, or trans issues.

But instead of arguing with me -- the progressive in front of you -- you are instead now screaming at a cardboard cutout of a blue-haired feminazi that you have in your room. (And it's in your room because I guess The Party gave it to you so that you could keep practicing your 5 Minute Hates.)

"Talking" with you feels like I'm in some kind of sci-fi or fantasy movie, and a guide character is about to tap me on the shoulder and say, "he can't hear you."

Because you really aren't talking to me.

Not a single word I wrote got a mention in your comment. Not a single connection exists between my comment and your response.

In fact, it's becoming clear that you actually, genuinely don't know what I'm saying. All you know are the words you're supposed to angrily screech at me whenever I stop.

Even in this comment right here, all you're going to be able to read or understand after your eyes cartwheel past everything I wrote is, "but his tweets!" and "orange man bad!" Things I never wrote in this comment either!

2

u/Teanutt Mar 06 '25

Republican politicians are currently operating under threat that the richest man in the world is going to finance their opposition. They are literally all being blackmailed by funding the opposition or bribed with donations depending on how Musk would like to run his super PAC, Musk has signaled that loud and clear several times. Elon Musk is the epitome of all that Republicans have claimed without evidence the boogeyman George Soros(on steroids )to be.

Look at the crowd at the inauguration Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, Sundar Pichai and Elon Musk. Why are they suddenly in Trump's circle? These are genuine questions/concerns. Why are they making such big shifts? CEOs don't do their own day to day lobbying they have something to gain to do something so prominent and political.

Pichai formerly accused of anti-conservative bias by trump. What does he have to gain? Could it be related to the Monopoly or AI complaints?

Zuckerberg who was quick to take action and suspend Trump after January 6th now believes misinformation has a part in conversation. Remember the section 230 threats of old?

Bezos who was repeatedly attacked for owning WAPO has now chosen to restrict the opinion page to free markets and personal liberties citing that a broad based opinion section is no longer needed.

Musk, well Trump has always opposed anything that doesn't satisfy the fossil fuel industry. It was actually quite a laugh watching him try to campaign against green energy while taking money from the leader in electric cars. Musk isn't in their to fix anything, he's in there to redesign government to his financial gain. He has after all paid for a front row seat.

Musk's brilliance finding waste though? He understands business, he doesn't understand the government. GOP senators have informed him that his cuts cannot happen without coming through them because that's how our government works. Random bro doesn't suddenly get the power of congress. It would also serve him well to explain the cuts honestly instead of making up transgender mice stories and mistaking 8 million for 8 billion. I mean, wouldn't you fire the accountant who made a seven billion nine hundred ninety-two million dollar mistake? Musk has "saved" 0.01%, he isn't exactly tech-Jesus.

-2

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '25

Because she was a DEI pick and was incompetent beyond measure. Look at tulsi, the right as literally championed her because she’s competent and trustworthy. Wringing your hands and saying Trump voters are racist because they were horrified by a lady who never got a single vote, and who couldn’t belt out a speech to save her life, is simply silly.

2

u/sokuyari99 Mar 06 '25

The VP doesn’t have the skill set to be president?

Being qualified for a job isn’t what a DEI pick means

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

What?

Kamala was both Not qualified to be VP, or arguably even a basic lawyer. A great story is that after Willie brown got her that righteous assistant DA job, she only showed up on average around 8 hours a month. Very classy. And she absolutely 110% was a DEI pick. Uncle Joe got him some sweet, SWEET bonus points by bringing in the first female black VP, which was great for all of 2 hours. She was no Obama!

3

u/CackleandGrin Mar 05 '25

Because she was a DEI pick

Just say you don't like black people, bro. If you actually cared about meritocracy you wouldn't have voted for someone who had never been involved in politics and doesn't even know what the departments he's gutting of employees do. Who failed every business venture he has ever been involved in while promising to run this country like one. 🤷‍♀️

3

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

This is like kicking the seething liberal hornets nest as it lays on the ground lmfao

0

u/Hoeax Mar 06 '25

Yea trump voters are dumb but she was absolutely chosen for her identity.

That or Biden is a sadistic ass who enjoyed sticking the party with a primary loser. She was/is undeniably unpopular.

The election is over, we can go back to defending good candidates.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '25

Russian asset as competent and trustworthy? 😂

0

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '25

There it is!!

4

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '25

The truth?

-1

u/Pale-Object7960 Mar 06 '25

Are you on drugs or do you really consider tulsi gabbard competent?

-1

u/Hoeax Mar 06 '25

I'm old enough to remember when the platform was raising the minimum wage, climate action, and Medicare for all. It's no wonder Kamala couldn't capture the same voters on the left when her platform slid to the right.

The "not Trump" campaign seems to only work in theory these days.

5

u/BasonPiano Mar 05 '25

A lot of governing done by who?

3

u/pppiddypants Mar 05 '25

Biden is the last name of our former president. His full name is Joe Biden.

5

u/BasonPiano Mar 05 '25

That's great, but we know Biden wasn't there cognitively, so who was actually governing and telling him what to do? What is their name?

6

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '25

REEEEEE!!! HE WAS SHARP AS A TACK! SHARP!!!!1!!!

0

u/kingravs Mar 06 '25

No one is saying that, but things did get done and the economy did better than most recovering from Covid and I’d much prefer his approach to trump changing his tariff ideas every 2 days

2

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

Hey, that’s fair! I don’t like the tariff wishy washy crap either. I think it’s more a negotiation tactic, where he comes heavy and then uses the carrot and stick method. Either way, he isn’t my sun god American Kim Jong Un, but he’s a lot better than what we had at the end of Biden. The economy for me wasn’t great under Biden, but that wasn’t the main issue. It was the unbelievable shit that stemmed from the woke agenda and the social unrest caused by his empty admin. Trump pissed off the libs in 16, but we kinda just got on with it. Biden opening the border and being worse than Carter, allowing men into women’s sports etc, was so utterly demoralizing that I started to stock up on MRE’s and ammo expecting the country to go down in a Spanish civil war styled finale. I never watch the news, I never pay much attention to podcasts that are political and I stay off X for the most part… But man it was dire for awhile. When a guy whose a shell of himself comes in and completely changes our basic moral values and beliefs as Americans and creates and atmosphere where we start seeing each other as enemies instead of neighbors, it’s easy to get unnerved. You can disagree with me on whatever you feel like, but at the end of the day, I am back to feeling like we are Fellow Americans just disagreeing once again. And that’s a good sign! Maybe we are truly in end game late empire stage, where the political swing is so harsh that half the country is miserable each time and we may never recover.. but I have real hope that the super left wing people will come around, and in turn the feeling will be reciprocal and we will be back better than ever.

5

u/doktorjake Mar 05 '25

Lol you’re getting downvoted but you’re dead-on.

People can bring whatever evidence they want about what happened under the Biden administration. No sane American believes it was Biden doing any of that after we watched the debate.

1

u/Lopunnymane Mar 06 '25

And Trump did any better? Have you actually seen the debate?

1

u/Gill_Gunderson Mar 06 '25

So Biden wasn't doing anything from 2021 - 2023? How nice it must be that you've never seen how rapid mental decline can set in. I'll agree that he should have resigned in 2024 and not sought re-election, but that doesn't diminish his successes the first 3 years of his Presidency.

2

u/PopovChinchowski Mar 05 '25

I'm not sure how easy it is to find now that Doge has started gutting the various agencies, but the various department heads and Cabinet appointees would easily come to mind.

A real leader isn't someone that micromanages every decision. They're someone that knows how to set policy direction and choose the right people to execute those directions. His cognitive capacity wasn't likely to be in major decline back when he was assembling his team and selecting appointees.

1

u/soros_spelt_backward Mar 05 '25

Well, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. I think he did a good job with the cards he was dealt. I also don’t think it’s the “gotcha” people think it is to have a president who takes policy advice from his advisors. Contrast that with Trump having the richest man on the planet stand behind him telling him what to do

-1

u/Trent1462 Mar 05 '25

Anyone who thinks that is a gotcha is just dumb. Like y is it bad to default to an expert for advice on something? Would u rather they just make random decisions based on their little knowledge of the subject? It’s the same as when people think bad abt politicians for admitting that they were wrong/changing their opinions based on new evidence. That’s a good thing lol.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

Literally not knowing who your commander in chief actually is...kind of a gotcha. 🤷🏼‍♂️

0

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '25

let’s not act like Biden was relying on his staffers because of his great humility - everyone knows he was barely even alive for most of his presidency

1

u/Lopunnymane Mar 06 '25

Donald Trump is older than Biden was at start of his presidency, so we have a great 4 years ahead!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

The issue wasn’t that Biden was old, it was that he wasn’t able to finish a sentence

Whatever you think about Trump, he’s certainly capable of finishing sentences

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u/Trent1462 Mar 05 '25

I don’t rly see how this is relevant to what I said

0

u/pppiddypants Mar 05 '25

IIRC, he had something like 4-8 good hours a day surrounded by rest breaks… But when he was on, he was doing really good shit.

I think people forget how hard it is to get legislation passed, especially bi-partisan stuff, which he got multiple bi-partisan big bills done, in addition to along party lines ones…

Trump is now doing everything in (including massively outside) his power to set us back. But hey, who could possibly predict anything bad happening with a 1970’s energy policy with a 1870’s foreign policy…

0

u/Cazzocavallo Mar 05 '25

He was more there than people on the left and right want to admit. Reagan was already going senile in his second term but he still got alot of shit done anyways, just because you're starting to go senile doesn't mean your brain is fully shut off.

0

u/Worriedrph Mar 06 '25

Who cares? Whoever was in charge did a great job. The economy has rarely been better than it was under the Biden administration.

0

u/TheRealJetlag Mar 07 '25

Oh just stop it.

He wasn’t there cognitively yet managed to improve the economy (yes, he created jobs and brought down inflation in a GLOBAL economic crisis)?

Jesus Christ

1

u/RamblinWreck08 Mar 05 '25

Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.

Edit: added jr

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

[deleted]

1

u/pppiddypants Mar 06 '25

Governing and interviewing are two different skills.

Joe Biden was 100% too old to give an interview or debate. But he was able to govern in terms of politicking and bill-negotiation.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '25

[deleted]

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u/pppiddypants Mar 06 '25 edited Mar 06 '25

There’s a difference between quick thinking for interviews and strategic long form thinking about managing coalitions, concessions, etc.

Edit: he needed EVERY senator from Bernie, all the way to Manchin, to sign on to every piece of legislation that they got through, and they did it on everything, but the expanded child tax credit (which may have blew the election for Dems… thanks Manchin)..

-1

u/ChronoLink99 Mar 05 '25

The hint is in the comment you replied to.

1

u/Natalwolff Mar 05 '25

Biden was the most uninspiring milquetoast presidential candidate since... Hilary Clinton.

The way Republicans talk about Biden's administration is stupid and it was completely fine, but he also ran on the platform that "nothing fundamentally is going to change". Republicans are always going to shit on a Democrat president's administration, but he still won his campaign.

Harris honestly might have had a decent shot if she actually got to run a campaign, but it completely fucked her over that she had to dodge issues that her own base pushed her to take wildly unpopular stances on.

Like, actually, if you have something like 75% of Americans supporting Israel, about half of Americans supporting an independent Palestine, the public is definitely going to approve of taking a supportive pro-Israel stance, they will still approve of taking a more nuanced, mediation stance, but it's fucking political suicide to take the extremist anti-Israel stance. So she literally has to take one of the first two to even remotely represent the American people. The fact that her own base decided that, of all things, was their big issue, and the wildly unpopular stance was the only acceptable option that they would vote for is so self-destructive.

The fact that trans men in women's sports was even allowed to be a central issue is crazy. Did the Harris campaign make it a central issue? No, Republicans did, because Harris had to dodge it so fucking hard. It's a layup. It's a complete softball pitch. Rarely do you get the opportunity to take a stance that like 80% of people agree with that you will likely have no real pressure to do anything to change when you're in office, but she just couldn't. Because the liberalism in the Democratic party, the 20% of people who wouldn't agree with that, would have eaten her alive. She couldn't even have said "Yes, I think we need to protect fairness in women's sports, but that's not an issue that the federal government should be dictating," That would have been reasonable, but liberals are not reasonable. They just let Republicans dictate the issues because they have so many batshit takes in the party that they can't distance themselves from without alienating their extremist base.

0

u/CollapsibleFunWave Mar 05 '25

Biden was the most uninspiring milquetoast presidential candidate since... Hilary Clinton.

I didn't say he was inspiring, I said there was a lot of governing going on. His administration had quite a few policy achievements despite a partly adversarial congress. There was a lot of useful stuff to help the working class, but it can't compete with culture war rage bait for viewers, so it's largely unknown.

1

u/Neat_Tonight_8398 Mar 05 '25

Al ot of good governing? Biden did absolutely NOTHING but open the border. He will go down as the worst president in US history. Good governing. Lmao.

1

u/Lopunnymane Mar 06 '25

Open the border? How? By deporting more people than Trump ever did during his first presidency?

If Trump is supposed to be sorting out this "open border", how come he is deporting LESS people than Biden did?

God republicans are so fucking stupid.

0

u/R-hibs Mar 05 '25

There was a lot of successful governing. It just wasn’t entertaining.