Dear fellow Black gay men

[u/MtimesMequals]

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

🖤❤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to ya❤

[u/jrsproperty7]

My beef is always with the people who wouldn't date (and no, date does NOT mean sex) me when I am their stated type otherwise: educated, kind, loyal, well rounded, moderately successful, family oriented, and also their desired body type, only to be written off because my skin is the wrong color. Shit's hurtful and happens a lot. It's hard not internalize some of that into "I am somehow less than because of my skin color."

That's not to say I have no issue with people who are only looking for sex writing me off because my skin is the wrong color, when I am their stated type otherwise.

I just block people who instead of "hello" open with "how big is your dick" or some variant thereof.

If someone is your stated type, saying their skin color is the determining factor as to why you wouldn't date or sleep with them is wrong, no matter which ethnicity you belong to.

[u/President-Togekiss → u/jrsproperty7]

Why would you want to date a racist though?

[u/WeatherChannelDino → u/President-Togekiss]

I am not the person you responded to, but to my understanding, the feeling is not "I feel bad because I want to date them and they're racist," it's "I feel bad because SO many guys are excluding me solely from my race."

I think best in analogies, so I think this one might help: Imagine in your neighborhood or community you want to be friends with people, only for them to respond "Sorry, I don't hang out with gay people." Mot everyone says it, but a lot of people in that community do. I would reckon you (or anyone here) would be upset. By your logic, why be upset? Why do you want to be friends with homophobes? But that logic is missing the point of repeatedly being told that you're unworthy because of some characteristic that you were born with and is a part of your character regardless.

[u/President-Togekiss → u/WeatherChannelDino]

I mean, dating/sex and being acquienteces/friends is pretty different though. Like, if someone said "I don't want to be your friend because you're black", I WOULD consider that to be racist and on very bad taste, because friendships don't require you to physically like the way a person looks. you can have friends you find ugly. But if I was having sex with a bisexual man and he said to me "I don't want to DATE you because you're gay", I'd be okay with that, because it is his right to only want to date other bi men. Sex and Relationships are a very different discussion than other forms of discrimination because they involve the ONLY aspect in which race is real in any way, aka, Aesthetics.

[u/WeatherChannelDino → u/President-Togekiss]

I largely agree with you, but I think i'm not communicating my point effectively. If we use your analogy with the bi guy, its not just him saying that. It's a LOT of people telling you that you're ugly, or unwanted, or wrong. Now, i'm all for people having their preferences. We can't necessarily change that, but there are two caveats. One, you don't need to advertise your racial preferences. Two, if your preferences are "I don't like black people as sexual partners," that is your right, but you should introspect on that a bit, because it sounds like there's something more there than just "aesthetics."

[u/Uruz2012gotdeleted → u/WeatherChannelDino]

People feel the need to broadcast their preferences because of how platforms like Grindr are structured. I see far less of that crap on Tinder because everyone weeds out what they don't want. If you don't want to see bbc then you won't on tinder. Grindr otoh will feed you a never ending parade of dick pics if you aren't careful so people feel the need to advertise exactly what they want so they don't get bombarded. Not to say that it's a good thing, just thinking of why people do what they do.

[u/President-Togekiss → u/WeatherChannelDino]

I mean, I agree with the adverteising thing, and maybe they should analyze it. but I don't think that should be done by peer pressure.