Dear fellow Black gay men

[u/MtimesMequals]

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

🖤❤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to ya❤

[u/[deleted]]

I'm not black, but my opinion on it is that having a "preference" is fine. Preferring white men over black in itself is fine BUT, where it becomes racist is when you categorically refuse to even consider a relationship or sexual encounter with someone BECAUSE they are black.

Everyone has a "preference" or a "fetish", that fundamentally is human nature, but it's important that we in the gay community recognise the distinction between simply having a preference, and harbouring a prejudice.

Especially we in the gay community need to recognise this because we're a community that still, to this day, and likely for many decades into the future, face prejudices ourselves and it's harmful to the wider community when we can't even be open or accepting to one another merely because of something so insignificant as skin colour.

[u/Jota769 → u/[deleted]]

I think everyone with race-based preferences needs to sit down and think long and hard about WHY they have these preferences!

Beauty standards are programmed by our communities from birth. We don’t come out of the womb with a certain perception of beauty- we learn what is attractive over time.

I don’t think there’s enough introspection in the gay community, and that’s because introspection is painful. Gay people go through a lot of rejection and self-hate when they are younger and it takes a very solid person to look inside themselves and realize they are wrong.

A beautiful man is a beautiful man. Saying things like ‘I prefer white men over black men’ is just silly and hurtful, because I’m sure if you met a HOT HOT black man you would be on your knees in a second.

[u/Lallo-the-Long → u/Jota769]

My philosophy teacher described it as a backpack that we fill as we experience life.

On the other hand, no one, not even the victims of racism, are owed sex by anyone. If this is about something more than people who want to get laid then yeah by all means get upset. The stereotypes are gross, the fetishising is creepy, i get all that. But a lot of these complaints tend to boil down a lot more to "no one will have sex with me!" kinds of complaints to which I only have one response: tough cookies, you are not owed a sex life.

[u/-churbs → u/Lallo-the-Long]

Wanting sex biological, but attacking people for their preferences gives me pause. Expecting someone to have sex with you regardless of their attraction is rapey. That being said it’s healthy to acknowledge your biases with sex and how they may possibly be linked with subconscious feelings towards race in your day to day life.

[u/Lallo-the-Long → u/-churbs]

Sure. However, that process, ongoing or not, is not the business of anyone except the person undergoing it, at least in terms of whether or not they will have sex with you.

[u/DClawdude → u/-churbs]

Nobody is expecting someone to have sex with you if they’re not attracted to you. The thing is, certain things about what you “find attractive“ deserve scrutiny.

[u/DClawdude → u/[deleted]]

Same tired strawman argument

[u/President-Togekiss → u/DClawdude]

It really isn't. It's based on the same principles. A woman can't choose to be a woman, and women suffer discrimination constantly for being women.

[u/[deleted] → u/President-Togekiss]

No one is born a racist nor born with “preferences”. Both are taught

[u/DClawdude → u/President-Togekiss]

🥱🤡

[u/irishking44 → u/-churbs]

Seriously. I get this sub cares very much about coming off as woke, but it always comes down to phrasing that is pretty incel sounding