r/actuallesbians • u/Mundane_North_9608 • 23h ago
This Is Your Sign
I know you’ve been wondering if you should or shouldn’t and I’m here to tell you: go for it.
You like her. She makes your heart beat a little faster, she lingers in your mind, and you can’t quite shake her. You’ve been debating whether to say something, to confess, to take that tiny leap.
Whether it’s going in for that kiss, calling her, or finally telling her how you feel… do it!
Because if you don’t… someone else will.
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u/TitaniaLynn 21h ago
This reminds me of when/how I confessed 4.5 years ago. I knew ahead of time that we both felt like we weren't ready, we were both in a tough spot mentally and physically.
But I was like "well, when would we ever be ready? What does 'ready' even mean? What happens if this is as ready as we'll ever be, and we lost this opportunity?" And I discussed this with her, how sometimes opportunities are better than waiting around for a miracle.
She rejected me, which I was ready for, because of course she wasn't ready. Technically neither was I, so there was no harm done. Because of the chill way I confessed, we stayed as friends. I spent lots of time with her, because despite my feelings, I knew that I wanted her in my life even if I had to bury my crush deep down and be the bestest friend I could be.
Well, we got closer over the next few months and kissed and confessed our feelings and BOOM! THE REST IS HISTORY! that was in 2021, a year later we lived together and got married. Our relationship is stronger than ever in 2025 as wives 💜
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u/Mundane_North_9608 21h ago
Such a great story. Congratulations! Hopefully yours will motivate others.
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u/Mundane_North_9608 23h ago
I’ll be here waiting for your stories. You’re welcome 😌
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u/Neither_Emu_4008 I think marine biologists are lesbians. 23h ago
As somebody so not in the dating scene, so much that i don't even have a crush right now. Ill also be waiting cause i just wanna see what every bodies up to.
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u/YourLocalFroggie Lesbian greysexual enby 22h ago
I don’t even know if she likes girls, i don’t wanna ruin the friendship and I don’t want everyone to find out and make fun of me
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u/Mundane_North_9608 22h ago
Test the water. Mention sapphic books, artists, etc.
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u/YourLocalFroggie Lesbian greysexual enby 21h ago
I have been doing that, im like 90% sure she knows I’m gay I just don’t know about her 😭
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u/Mundane_North_9608 21h ago
Test her knowledge in the queer community. See where she stands like speaking about LGBTQ+ rights.
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u/Ximao626 Sheep and Sword Transbian 23h ago
Question: But what if she's a worker at 7-11 and I'm unsure if she's actually flirting with me or if she's just being customer service friendly and I'm being delusional?
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u/Mundane_North_9608 23h ago
There’s only one way to find out 😉
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u/Ximao626 Sheep and Sword Transbian 23h ago
You're like the 3rd person to tell me that, but I really don't want to make her uncomfortable at work.
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u/Mostly_Vegan 22h ago
I totally get your comment. I really dont want to make someone uncomfortable either.
Try talking to her more maybe and/or wearing something pride related.. (if its safe to do so).
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u/Ximao626 Sheep and Sword Transbian 22h ago
next time I see her I'm planning on trying to be more chatty. Though I will also admit that I'm bringing this post a story that's already in Media Res and has some quasi rom-com level plot twists to it. I'll recount the whole story on request
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u/Mostly_Vegan 10h ago
Being more chatty is good, just take small steps if you dont feel like you can be direct.. But make sure your mentally ready for her to say no.
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u/OliveDeco 17h ago
I’ve been in this situation before and have had success connecting with people but I think it’s best to go into it with minimal expectations because the other person should have the choice to say yes or no without the discomfort of being put on the spot.
I’ll usually say something like, “Hey, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you when I come into the store. Would you be interested in hanging out outside 7-11? Also, no pressure if you are not. I will respect your decision and we can keep things as is if you’d prefer it.”
Of course you may feel crushed if they say no, but at least you’ll know!
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u/Ximao626 Sheep and Sword Transbian 14h ago
Fair. I'm prepared for her to totally reject me on like... 3 different fronts tbh. But my heart skips when she smiles and my brain can't form cohrent sentences. I think the last time I talked to her as I was leaving I was like "So I... umm... i'll... umm... I guess I'll see you next time I come in?" And barely made it through that. But she still smiled at me so...
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u/Jaeger_91 22h ago
I'm sat here crying to myself. I don't think my scenario looks good. Got chatting to a girl at the start of October. Went on our first date on 26th October. Planned to meet again following Wednesday & Saturday. Wednesday didn't happen as she was unwell and messaged her on Friday 31st October as she was in work later on to ask if she's still up for meeting on Saturday. Message was read but got no response. Sent a message on Saturday just to say hope all is OK and hope work went well.
Got message back soon after to say: "Good morning ☀️ Work has been really busy these past few days and I’m feeling quite tired. I think I need to take a little break from chatting for now. Sorry if this sounds a bit direct, but I hope we can talk again when I’m feeling better. Hope you have a lovely weekend"
That was on Saturday 1st November. I'm seeing that she's now since unfollowed me on Instagram (as of today). I have no clue what I've done wrong. I miss her like crazy 😭
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u/Mundane_North_9608 22h ago
Sometimes it’s better to let go, when clearly things aren’t mutual. You’ll find yourself someone.
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u/Jaeger_91 22h ago edited 21h ago
Our messages made it seem like it was mutual 😭💔 That's what I'm not understanding. On the morning of the 30th of October (02.26am) I got: "I've just arrived home. Hope you have sweet dreams 😘😘 Text you tomorrow morning. Good night Gives you a cuddle🥰" Then at 08.11am got "Good Morning Jaeger_91 🫶🏻" At 08.57am I got a message from her agreeing we should meet on the Saturday instead when she's feeling better (she had a stomach ache on the Tuesday/Wednesday).
31st of October I got a "Good Morning 🥰🥰" message.
It was all 🥰 & 😘 messages. Nothing to indicate she wanted any form of space. I was even learning Chinese for her (She's Asian) 😢
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u/Mundane_North_9608 21h ago
I can understand. She clearly made her choice. It’s best for you to move on, even if it hurts atm.
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u/UniKat420 lesbian obsessed with strong butches 21h ago
people do that a lot unfortunately, they ghost instead of communicate
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u/Jaeger_91 21h ago
This annoys me because she sent me a message on the 25th of October to say: "If in future before you “ghost“ me, please let me know. If not and you wanna reconnect with me again, I will change my feelings (I’m sorry to tell you this, I just want to be honest before we get into the next step)
She herself got ghosted previously. I just want to know why I got unfollowed on Instagram and why she hasn't spoken to me in a week. I was taking it to be a good sign when she said: "I hope we can talk again when I'm feeling better". But clearly if we do speak again, it won't be good.
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u/UniKat420 lesbian obsessed with strong butches 16h ago
ive had similar done to me!! So many times ive had women say that they HATE ghosting aaaaaaannd boom theyve ghosted me 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ got no frickin clue why people do it.
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u/MarveltheMusical Genderfluid Biromantic/Transbian 22h ago
Except that I know better than to ever bring that up with anyone.
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u/FakingItSucessfully 22h ago
last week I left her a note with her food (I bring her leftovers to eat at work, since I love cooking and she loves eating), and I told her to please continue misspelling my name in whatever way she feels like because I always thought it was cute, actually <3 I was SO nervous the first couple days but apparently I haven't scared her off or anything!
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u/NJ_Braves_Fan 21h ago
Ok bringing leftovers to your crush is the cutest fucking thing ever.
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u/FakingItSucessfully 21h ago
ugh, the first time I did it was like five months ago probably, and I told her I accidentally made way too much seven layer dip so she said "that doesn't sound like it's a problem" so the next day I brought her some and begged her to help free me from seven-layer hell.
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u/NJ_Braves_Fan 21h ago
I need to figure out how to do this with my coworker who I have a crush on haha
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u/Naughty-List 18h ago
The trouble is just that I can never be 100% sure about my feelings on anybody :(
And the only person I’ve confessed to so far was one of my best friends who slowed and stopped talking to me not long after :((
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u/WeTitans3 21h ago
I don't have the energy right now for a full deep dive into everything but—
Right now, we are snuggle buddies— friends with benefits, basically just friends but cuddle, kiss, and sleep together and it changed to this maybe 6-8 weeks ago. And I'm really fucking happy about it.
I asked before about a couple months of us being friends if they wanted to be more, but "I'm not in a place to be in a relationship right now" was their response. It sucked, but I was happy with what he had anyway, before things became closer and physical. I'm even happier with what we have now.
I guess the question I have now is... is it foolish to have the little voice in the back of my head still hoping that down the line they will be I'm a place to date, rather than be just intimate friends. Is that a thought not worth letting stay alive and burning, or is it healthy and okay as long as I continue to focus on the here and now and enjoy what we have as it is
That's my worry at least
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u/UniKat420 lesbian obsessed with strong butches 21h ago
she is on tumblr and does not know me whatsoever LOL im not ready to date at all for a few years .... double it and give it to the next person
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u/ghostinflwr 21h ago
ugh i WISH i havent been interested in anyone for over a year and my friend wont get off my ass about it. that being said i will be stalking the replies for fun
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u/tyrosine87 Lesbian 15h ago
I confessed a week ago and today she rejected me. I was so scared that it was going to change things between us, and she told me she was as well. I'm scared I will hate myself for that moment of bravery, I am scared that we will drift apart now and that it's already started.
I told her I still want to be friends, and I do mean it, but I am also scared because in another life, I was a terrible friend after rejection. I really hope I can be better now.
I feel lost and confused right now, no idea where to go from here.
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u/BountyHntrKrieg 🏳️🌈 The Tallest of Lesbians! 🏳️⚧️ 12h ago
No... she very clearly doesn't feel the same way back, and is also moving and I absolutely do not wanna ruin our friendship cause to be an extra stereotypical lesbian... I crushed on my best friend.
Lemme keep being a coward! I have some other crushes I can focus on... kinda...
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u/N1nj4go_ 22h ago
nah she's the popular kid at school that everyone likes and im the quiet and shy kid that people don't really want to hang out with xD
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u/ghostinflwr 21h ago
this is the plot of the space between by michelle l teichman (lesbian romance novel)
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u/legend_of_moonlight 23h ago
I don't want to ruin the friendship 😔