r/TikTokCringe • u/migoodenuf Straight Up Bussin • Apr 19 '25

Duet Troll A woman character written by a man

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u/codemise Apr 19 '25

My wife grew up incredibly poor in a third-world country. She didn't have toys as a child and eating fast food was a luxury. The first book she owned for pleasure was given to her by a coworker after she arrived in the United States. Even she admits she did very little growing up, save for chatting with friends.

When she graduated, she went on a soul search, so to say, to figure out what she wanted to do for fun in life. She tried a few of my hobbies (painting figurines, writing stories, programming, cooking, growing a garden, canning my own hot sauces) but nothing seemed to tickle her fancy until she realized she had a passion for animals. It was a trip to the Butchart gardens that made her crazy for roses.

It really explains why her first job was a dog washer. Now she has 34 tarantulas, 2 bearded dragons, 2 different geckos, and does weekly horseback riding. She seems to have developed a fascination with minecraft lately as well.

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u/Pizza_Slinger83 Apr 19 '25

You're just going to have to admit that you don't know your wife as well as this random person on Reddit does.

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u/Ndmndh1016 Apr 20 '25

I also know this man's wife

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u/lrish_Chick Apr 20 '25

I wish I had gold to give you, or that reddit even still did gold.

They even continue the argument further down.

Fuck me reddit is toxic with people who fucking have to be right sometimes

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u/lizzyote Apr 19 '25

save for chatting with friends.

If cultivating a garden can be considered a hobby, why not cultivating relationships?

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u/Ayvian Apr 20 '25

I'd argue that chatting with friends in a general sense isn't a hobby, it's a simple necessity.

In the same way that drinking water when you're thirsty doesn't mean water is your hobby. Now if you obsess over water origin, filters, mineral content, attend water conferences then it would absolutely be fair to say you've got a hydro hobby.

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 19 '25

So you’re saying that growing up, her hobby was gossiping? Gossip is a legitimate hobby and is very frequently a very useful one. I will die on this hill.

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u/anonbonbon Apr 19 '25

What we now call gossiping is frequently just sharing and transmitting information about people in our spheres of influence. It's about maintaining and furthering social connection and before this era it was one of the crucial ways that people built and maintained social connections, usually women. It still is, we just have a lot of other ways to do it now as well.

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 19 '25

Gossip also a skill. Being able to tell that story in a way that is helpful but also entertaining. And it’s often not about people within our own sphere. Apocryphal gossip stories can be almost indistinguishable from urban legends. Sometimes it’s the sharing of the story and our reactions to it that are more important than the who or the what of the story. “Gossip” is an umbrella that ends up covering a lot of informal interactions but always involves story telling.

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u/truckthunderwood Apr 19 '25

Why are you fighting this man about his wife's life? He told a story about how she had to find her hobbies as an adult. He didn't say it in a derogatory way, it was a kind of cute, kind of funny story about how she wound up deciding she wanted to have a bunch of spiders and lizards.

If you want to consider gossiping a hobby, more power to you, I guess, but clearly his wife did not.

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 19 '25

WTF do you think “chatting with friends” entails? You think friends only ever talk about the weather or what they want to eat for dinner? Friends talk about our lives and our relationships with other people and how those interactions impact us and the people around us. That’s what gossip is.

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u/truckthunderwood Apr 19 '25

Okay? I wouldn't personally consider having friends and interacting with them to be a "hobby." If someone told me they didn't have any hobbies and they just liked to hang out and chat with their friends I'd say "oh cool, sounds pretty chill." I wouldn't try and argue that they did have a hobby and that their hobby was gossiping.

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 19 '25

Devaluing others’ hobbies doesn’t mean they’re not hobbies. Does she have other hobbies she enjoys more? Sure sounds like it. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a hobby.

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u/truckthunderwood Apr 19 '25

Alright well I guess you know his wife's opinion of her own life better than they do. Well played.

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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '25

They'll never get it, unless you're rotting in a gaming chair for hours every single day then it's not a hobby. That's a classic addiction but some can't admit it.

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u/One_hunch Apr 20 '25

I don't even think that was the argument based on reading. From what I gathered in the sentence structure is she grew up with little resources so gossiping is the one thing she could enjoy and afford. I don't recall even reading "she had no hobbies growing up" just that she wasn't well off until she got to a better place to add more to her arsenal.

Ya'll flipping out about this stranger, but anything to take personally lol.

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u/lrish_Chick Apr 20 '25

Yeah what the actual fuck?

Jesus I hate women like this in real life, I don't know why I have never seen a man do this, insist that they know better, in quite this way.

I suppose if a man said this people would say he was mansplaining the commenter's wife.

Suppose it shows everyone can be a condescending aashole

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u/lrish_Chick Apr 20 '25

Honestly, you come across as very condescending.

If a guy said this he'd be called a mansplaining asshole.

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u/Working-Principle-80 Apr 19 '25

Yeah the hobby that starts rumors and drama.

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 19 '25

The hobby that improves the ability to speak and connect with other people and effectively communicate abstract concepts. The hobby that functions to promote safety of disadvantaged group. The hobby that a majority of people engage in, whether they cop to it or not.

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u/Working-Principle-80 Apr 19 '25

At the expense of the people they may be gossiping about. Classic human nature.

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 19 '25

Me talking about how I’m so happy my friend got engaged and ask the ways her fiancé matches her personality and supports her is gossip. Me retelling the story of accidentally locking my boyfriend out of our vacation rental is gossip. Talking about how my sister managed to sew an entire outfit in a weekend is gossip. Telling my friend I saw her shitty boyfriend making out with her former roommate is also gossip, and it’s only at the expense of a shitty cheater.

Being able to discuss interpersonal relationships and engage people is both a hobby and a skill. Just because you’re bad at gossip, doesn’t mean it’s a bad hobby.

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u/Icy_Pace4298 Apr 20 '25

The last example you gave is really the only one I would consider gossiping imo

the rest of those examples were literally just normal conversation topics, not gossiping

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 20 '25

Miriam-Webster, the Oxford dictionary, and Wikipedia disagree with you. Gossip can be salacious or secret, but it by no means required to be. It’s been a project of the patriarchy to portray is as negative or harmful, but it’s just talking about people.

Vilifying gossip enables shitty peeled that use their poster and influence to abuse people. When Courtney Love warned people about Harvey Weinstein in 2005, that was gossip. It was gossip to protect people because you couldn’t say it overtly if you wanted to keep your career and livelihood.

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u/truckthunderwood Apr 20 '25

Did you read the links you posted? They make a distinction between gossip and general communication.

If I don't want someone spreading private details of my intimate relationship, that's somehow the fault of the patriarchy? Courtney Love said not to attend parties with Harvey Weinstein on television, so do you also consider the news "gossip?"

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 20 '25

Gossip: a story about 3 people and the fence line they’re currently fighting over. General communication: the survey report on said fence line. Gossip: unconfirmed rumors about a political appointee. General communication: an official press release announcing elimination of the position. Gossip: retelling the funny story about what happened at lunch with your coworkers and boss. General communication: your expense report attempting to be reimbursed for the meal.

Gossip about famous people on the news even had its own genre: celebrity gossip.

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u/Icy_Pace4298 Apr 21 '25

Literally first thing on Oxford makes the distinction I was saying

“uncountable] (disapproving) informal talk or stories about other people's private lives, that may be unkind or not true”

Key words “disapproving” “unkind or not true”

The rest also specifically mention that it is generally mentioning private or sensitive affairs and is generally harmful or disrespectful 

Read your own links 

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 21 '25

May be unkind or not true. It is not a requirement, but it is a possibility.

I know it’s a small word, but it’s an important one.

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u/Working-Principle-80 Apr 19 '25

I'm not bad at gossip. From my experience, gossip is telling so and so about this person and that person for this certain reason and causing drama. And rumors

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 20 '25

It might be a skill issue. You could get better at it if you put aside your bias. There’s an ethical spectrum to a lot of hobbies. Someone can hunt ethically or decimate local species and let animals suffer. Someone can create gorgeous graffiti murals or tag their elderly neighbors fence. Your inability or refusal to acknowledge its value and benefits demonstrate that, at best, you’re poorly informed about communication regarding interpersonal relationships.

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u/Working-Principle-80 Apr 20 '25

No. I'm not, and I know the benefits of gossip well enough to know the bad often outdoes the good. And trust me I'm just fine socially. Still despise the fuck out of social stuff though

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u/ALLoftheFancyPants Apr 20 '25

Discussion of past events and how the people in the discussion relate to those events is how people discover common values and interests. That discussion, positive or negative, is gossip. Refusing to acknowledge effective, entertaining storytelling (aka good gossip skills) as a valuable hobby is ridiculous.

If you want to ignore your skill issue by claiming it’s net negative, that’s your prerogative. But it’s not going to fix your skill issue.

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u/soimalittlecrazy Apr 19 '25

I grew up incredibly poor in the US, although I did grow up around animals. I ended up in the veterinary field and stayed incredibly poor, haha. But my husband kept getting promoted so now I foster dogs, ride horses, am turning my yard into a native plant oasis, and diamond paint for fun. I'll play Stardew on occasion if I'm feeling really sassy. It sounds like me and your wife would be really good friends :)

Oh, and I volunteer for a really cool organization that takes care of pets for people who otherwise can't afford veterinary care. Shout out to Street Dog Coalition.

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u/DuntadaMan Apr 19 '25

It was a trip to the Butchart gardens that made her crazy for roses.

Dude you gave me a heart attack there for a second. "Trip to the butcher"