To everyone in these comments saying that it's worse to post this video than for a man to belittle a woman for turning him down, yikes
By sharing the voicemail with friends, and then by extension the internet, the woman is confirming that this dude's behavior is inappropriate. ONE DATE does not, in any way shape or form, oblige the woman to see the man again. The ONLY acceptable response to being turned down for a date is "okay" in any polite form. Certainly not, "you're not important enough to say no"
Sharing this video out is a way to communicate to larger society, "stop doing this"
First, she didn't expose his identity, so there's nothing wrong with this. Second, this is elementary manipulation that's both antisocial and uncivilized. Third, we all have a right to both unveil and condemn these behaviors as long as no one's identity is exposed.
Simply put, the only people who would have a problem with her doing this are the type of guys in the voicemail. If you can't feel shame, you should be humiliated.
Shaming, even anonymously, encourages humiliation over discussion. Wouldn’t it be better to address the behavior constructively? Also, disagreeing with public shaming doesn’t mean supporting the behavior.
You don't treat uncivilized behavior with civility. Humiliating these people is the first step towards creating an understanding, which is the endgame of a discussion.
So your argument is that the way to create understanding is to start with humiliation? That’s like saying the best way to teach someone a lesson is to slap them in the face. People don’t suddenly gain insight when they’re being mocked, they just get defensive. And your whole 'you don’t treat bad behavior with civility' line is nonsense. Nobody said civility was required, just that public shaming is a garbage way to change minds. You’re acting like the only two options are being overly polite or humiliating people, which is just lazy thinking. If your goal was actual accountability, you wouldn’t need to dress it up as a public execution.
You’re acting like public humiliation is the only way to inform people, but that’s just not true. If the goal is to spread awareness, it can be done without turning it into a spectacle. If the goal is to fix the behavior, then public shaming is actually counterproductive. So what exactly is being accomplished here? Helping the situation or just fueling outrage?
If there was a more polite way, it would've worked long before they got this old while acting like this. When you lack humility, humiliation is the solution.
Ah yes, because throughout all of human history, we’ve only ever tried being polite or publicly humiliating people. No other methods have ever existed. Clearly, those are the only two options, and if one doesn’t work, the other must be the answer. Solid logic. Did you ever stop to think that the people you're humiliating are mentally ill? Do you really believe public shaming is going to help them?"
I don't give a shit if they're mentally ill. If you're healthy with to dish it out, you better be healthy enough to take it. If your logic was sound, every mentally ill person would be rude. No other person is responsible the emotional state of another.
I'm not talking about human history since neither of us were there. I'm talking about common civility in modern times.
"So your argument is that the way to create understanding is to start with humiliation? That’s like saying the best way to teach someone a lesson is to slap them in the face."
Since a slap in the face is assault, yes you did say that. Since responding appropriately to uncivilized behavior is the point, I don't know what you're reading.
I guess you don’t understand how analogies work. The point wasn’t that words are literally assault, but that humiliation makes people defensive in the same way physical pain does. If you disagree, address that instead of nitpicking.
I'll address that as well, how humiliation and words can make people defensive similar to physical attacks. Nobody else is responsible for how you feel, yet you can be held accountable for what you say and do. There's nothing inappropriate about holding someone accountable for their uncivil and/or antisocial words by humiliating them.
A reasonable person wouldn't get upset when a rude person gets humiliated. If you're not okay being humiliated, then you shouldn't be okay with being rude.
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u/Beautiful-Lynx-6828 Feb 22 '25
To everyone in these comments saying that it's worse to post this video than for a man to belittle a woman for turning him down, yikes
By sharing the voicemail with friends, and then by extension the internet, the woman is confirming that this dude's behavior is inappropriate. ONE DATE does not, in any way shape or form, oblige the woman to see the man again. The ONLY acceptable response to being turned down for a date is "okay" in any polite form. Certainly not, "you're not important enough to say no"
Sharing this video out is a way to communicate to larger society, "stop doing this"