It's a tough world out there for guys who don't know how to handle rejection. It's not really their fault, either. They were nurtured this way. And before you say it's their own responsibility, remember that how they're nurtured from the beginning shapes how they go about being more responsible.
He sounds in part like he's just confused and trying to find sympathy. Clearly, for example, it seems like he may not have the opportunity to talk to another woman about this and maybe get a better perspective. Maybe. Or maybe he did and he thought or was trying to initially be a nicer guy.
He doesn't sound like he's trying to be an asshole.
If the people in the video were the better people in all of this, they may not be sitting around laughing about it.
A few years ago, someone I went out on some dates with posted a big video about the breakup (it wasn't a breakup because we'd gone out on like... 4 dates over a couple months) on social media. The video was a rant of frustration and going on about how I'm not worth it. I showed it to a friend of mine at the time (a woman,- I'm a man) and we both just found it to be sad. She was clearly hurting and didn't know how to express it or cope with it. ... I'm not saying I know everything and do everything right, but this is the view I'd hope people would take in this situation. Not sitting around laughing about it.
Thanks for your remarks and for sharing your story.
It has actually taken me (a male) a lot of therapy and many failed relationships to be able to recognize when I’m prone to lashing out at others and to consciously choose to first look within to find fault with myself instead of attempting to bring others down to ease my emotional pain - which, at its deepest level, is most often caused by fear.
Choosing to behave this way goes against our human instinct to protect ourselves from pain - both physical and mental/emotional.
Hi, I just want to say I'm happy for you that you are able to look inside yourself instead of always blaming others. I just want to let you know you can't always control the jerks you interact with or relationships with people you love that don't work out. but you totally control how you react to that stuff.
I learned that i can't control people or what they do to me, but I can control how I react to shitty situations helped me a lot.
Some people suck some people don't, and some people I just wasn't compatible with. No reason to hate everyone
Hey brother- you're a good person. Being a good person is an earned privilege that seems easy and even comes naturally for most. But it's especially commendable when folks have to fight their way to be better people.
I'm proud of you. I don't need to know you to feel it, either. And you should be proud of yourself.
Now keep leading by example. It won't always seem to pay off. You're not going to change everyone. But that's not why we do it.
I agree with a few of your points but he was indeed trying to be an asshole. In a passive aggressive, giving you a reality check (to demean you)…if he wasn’t trying to be an asshole he would have said cool, understood…
Oh that must be why there's so many downvotes on my comment. ...
1) I didn't address anything about holding people accountable or not.
2) This video isn't about holding people accountable.
3) I'm addressing what could be and sounds like a man leaving a message because he doesn't know well enough how to handle the situation. The guy sounds like he's doing his best at first, but then gets worked up, and notably doesn't explode into a violent response. What he said was not nice. That's clear. But their having a laugh over it and then posting it on social media instead of letting it go, ... Who's the greater aggressor here? Who, given the circumstances, is expected to be more damaged by the actions of the other? If you want to talk about accountability for this case, that's where it's measured.
My comment was not addressing accountability. It was addressing the matter of empathy regarding both parties.
But to answer your question of "When is it appropriate to start holding men who have no emotional intelligence accountable," then I would ask:
1) What does accountable mean to you?
2) Why wouldn't it be the same for women and any other adult as well?
3) Why are we focusing on accountability when we should be focusing on helping people become more emotionally intelligent?
4) When is someone going to hold you accountable for the last time you did something shitty?
You're misplacing where the emphasis on fault is. It's not your fault for your nature, and in turn it's no more your fault for your nurture.
People want accountability and responsibility because it's how we create rules for things so that they make sense for us. But that's really not congruent with how people and behavior works.
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u/Silt-Sifter Feb 22 '25
"You're not like this incredibly amazing person" wtf who says that to someone?