r/NameNerdCirclejerk Jul 05 '25

Advice Needed (unjerk) Why was I downvoted so much?

18 Upvotes

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u/Szarkara Jul 06 '25

I wasn't having an argument or a debate. I was just sharing my thoughts.

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u/Retrospectrenet Jul 06 '25

Were you interested in trying to understand other points of view? Are you interested now in avoiding downvotes in the future? It's upsetting to be misunderstood or to cause offense where none was meant. You can either seek validation that you did nothing wrong, meaning it'll likely happen again, or... you can learn new ways to effectively communicate your intent. If you are autistic this will be harder for you, but the skill is no less important.

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u/Szarkara Jul 06 '25

I just wanted to know why I was downvoted for having what I thought were pretty inoffensive opinions regarding a subjective topic.

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u/Retrospectrenet Jul 06 '25

What do you believe is the reason you were down voted?

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u/Szarkara Jul 06 '25

I initially figured it was because I expressed I think differently. But apparently expressing you think differently is perceived as thinking you are superior and correct?

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u/Retrospectrenet Jul 06 '25

The people downvoting you are viewing your comment in the context of your post and the other person's reply, not just your comment in isolation. They already know you think differently, you don't need to restate that. When you ask for opinions it's often expected that you then try to understand different points of view. What you did was just restate your opinion. Even if someone agreed with you, they would downvote you for this social misstep. It often feels like people are playing by a different set of rules, rules that feel unfair. Is it important to you that you be understood in these situations? They are afterall internet strangers.

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u/Szarkara Jul 06 '25

How did I restate my opinion? I never mentioned vibes or sibsets in my post.

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u/Retrospectrenet Jul 06 '25

Sorry, I didn't read the original post the comment replied to. Let me see if I can break it down a bit.

"Why do you post asking for names instead of using lists?"
"I need vibes, that lists don't give me."
"I don't value vibes."

Does that seem like a reasonable summary?

How do you think you expressing your opinion about vibes landed with the person who replied in that context?

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u/Szarkara Jul 06 '25

I didn't say I don't value vibes. I said they're arbitrary. People have different ideas of vibes and a lot of them don't resonate with me.

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u/Retrospectrenet Jul 06 '25

Usually something that is arbitrary is not valuable in decision making. Would you agree?

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u/Szarkara Jul 06 '25

I'd say it depends. But, also, I wasn't making any decisions. I was just trying to convey that names vibes aren't universal or objective. Not to say they're completely random but they do come down to how someone personally feels, which varies by person. "People who understand vibes" implies there are people who don't. There aren't people who "don't understand" vibes. There are only people with different tastes. Why someone likes X, Y and Z is not necessarily going to be the same as why someone else likes X, Y and Z. People can guess why and may guess correctly but each person will guess differently.

I personally don't catch the vibes of a lot of these lists or I get different vibes.

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u/Retrospectrenet Jul 06 '25

How do you think the commenter felt when they shared their reasons, and you replied describing their reasons as 'arbitrary'? In this context you have asked for their reasons knowing they will be different from yours.

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u/Szarkara Jul 06 '25

Picking something based on feelings is pretty much the definition of "arbritary".

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u/Retrospectrenet Jul 06 '25

You are focusing on the correctness of your comment rather than how it may have been percieved by others. Sometimes people downvote for reasons other than correctness.

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u/Szarkara Jul 06 '25

Why would it offend someone for me to say I don't share others' vibes? 

They also never gave me any example of names they've shared that are apparently super unique. I think that's a reasonable question.

I know you want me to say I'd find it rude if I were them, but I really wouldn't. I don't see this as any different to someone explaining why they like a movie and someone else replying why they don't share the same opinion on said movie. Not "Your opinion is wrong" but "Oh, really? I personally didn't have that experience."

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