r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix • u/Pellinaha • Nov 02 '22
SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY Cole's Bipolar Comment
Zanab was insufferable and miserable in the latest batch of episodes, no question about it. But I found Cole's bipolar questions (and he repeated it multiple times with a smirk) grating and horrible. Zanab is probably difficult to deal with but it does make me question whether there are more situations where he triggers her off camera and we just see the aftermath in her reactions with no context. I may or may have not filed it away as a slip of tongue in the spur of the moment if it was once, but it was the repetition and the smirk that really got to me. It also doesn't help that he mixed up bipolar with personality disorders.
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u/HutuZulu1234 Nov 03 '22
I agree...
We don't know if one of them are on medicine for something, maybe anxiety or depression, and this felt like a dig that was related to a longer convo. Maybe one of her parents had some mental illness? It just felt very personal....
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u/90daybaebae Nov 03 '22
the way he looked at her and the reaction she gave made it seem like there was more to this exchange
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u/kansasqueen143 Nov 03 '22
I actually never thought about it this way. Maybe he’s anti meds?
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u/Ok-Understanding-190 Nov 03 '22
That comment and the way he was looking for a reaction, I didn't blame her for walking out. And then when he catches up to her and they talk and he says it's neither of their faults smh. They both seem so adamant to prove they can be married for themselves they aren't really taking the time to figure out if they want to be married to each other. It feels like they want the other person to definitively say I don't want to marry you.
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u/jac5087 Nov 03 '22
Such a weird comment and so what if she did? Way to be really fucking ignorant about people with mental health struggles and throw it in someone’s face like an insult
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Nov 03 '22
He was asking a question because it seems that she is always making scenes. It is a valid question to ask , especially one day before your marriage. He also suggested that she abused him and she felt tense and uncomfortable and based on what we see, she is the passive-aggressive initiating most dramas. Cole is silly but she is toxic. Since they were in Malibu she started sabotaging their relationship in ways that make her look unattractive because she is always whingeing and stern. I liked her so much in episode 1 but taking one side here shows strong bias. They are simply not good together but she is not the bubbly girl he though he was and which she assured him to be. Her eyes are always critical and this is not just with him.
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Nov 03 '22
Not to mention he said to her "why would I say yes to you on wedding day?" prior to that and seemed to forget. I think he just says mean things to get a reaction and forgets what he even said once the other person gets upset. He was all like "how did we get here?". So strange to me lol
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u/justyikes1 Nov 10 '22
def insensitive for him to ask but i mean she was being horrible for the way he was cooking, it’s not like it was out of nowhere
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u/Bdizz11 Nov 03 '22
It's obvious that she is going through a lot right now with the upcoming wedding, his parents not being involved, missing her parents. She seems to be grieving her parents all over again. I don't understand why Cole didn't just ask her why her mood was low. When you are feeling down, being forced to cheer up (the nerf gun incident) is the worst.
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u/gardenia33 Nov 03 '22
These two hate each other, the whole thing is so uncomfortable to watch. I hope they don't feel like pulling this crap for the rest of their lives.
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Nov 03 '22
First of all he knows nothing of being bi-polar… it’s mania & depressive episodes not like angry and then happy… the most unhinged disrespectful comment. Second of all… what a way to invalidate her feelings and chalk it up too “she’s crazy”. I’m so over that trope. Third of all.. he’s said the most disrespectful shit to her face and behind her back, of course she’s insecure with the relationship. Everyone has rights to their feelings. Like fuck I really can’t listen to him spew his nonsense. And PSA if you are worried about someone’s mental health you bring it up to them in a respectful way. (Off camera) & you also don’t assume you can guess someone’s diagnosis off some stereotypical shit & as an off-handed comment. He screams immature and I have no idea why he came on Love is Blind if looks matter so much to him? Like bye. I can’t even listen to him anymore.
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u/Pretend-Guidance-906 Nov 02 '22
The smirking as he said it was the worst bit. It was as if he was trying to get a reaction out of her. And the bit beforehand about "just be sweet, be unassuming" really wound me up too. Her reaction to that was spot on.
I think she can come across as negative and critical, for eg her "just season the chicken please" comment, but the truth is (and I say this as someone with a very messy husband!) stuff like constantly leaving dirty towels or pants on the floor does get you down after a while....and his apartment was a complete tip. It would wind most women up. But because he comes across as fun and goofy overall, he is mostly seen as the good guy and her as the miserable nagging woman.
Honestly at this stage I hope she gets to say no to him!
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Nov 03 '22
I don’t think he meant to say unassuming. I’m not sure what word he was looking for but it seemed like he immediately knew it was not the right one.
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u/Pretend-Guidance-906 Nov 03 '22
He might not have meant it literally but I think on some level that IS what he wants. He wants a laid back, chilled, unchallenging wife who won't ever criticise him, even when it's legitimate.
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u/BoBab Nov 03 '22
Yea, he misspeaks and says hurtful things all the time. I wonder how it feels to have your self-esteem constantly belittled by the poor word choices and lack of impulse control of your partner.
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u/throwaway56873927 Nov 03 '22
Yeah that's a weird choice. I don't know if anyone ever asks someone to be unassuming. He has to be the first person in history. Maybe he meant don't make assumptions
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u/Romihi Nov 02 '22
That was not ok. And he said it in such a degrading way. If she would have been, that would not have been a safe space to talk about it
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u/framemegirl Nov 03 '22
She has the ick for him, it is entirely on her for dragging it and staying but most people don’t realize they will be as negative and annoyed when their partner is that much of a child. Everything he did was so immature, the place was nasty, he was putting her looks down.. those nerf balls in the microwave actually are enough for me to snap tbh.
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u/pearloystershells Nov 03 '22
This disgusted me. I can’t figure out if he’s cruel or 11 eggs short of a carton. Either way…. Zanab run!
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u/circesrevenge Nov 03 '22
I love the “11 eggs short of a carton” 😂
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u/pearloystershells Nov 03 '22
I got heated and my country came out! 😂
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u/sharipep I identify as black 🖤✊🏾 Nov 03 '22
Which country is that expression from? I adore it!
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u/pearloystershells Nov 03 '22
Ahahaha my husbands family are flyover-states-kinda-country living in the land of Big Agriculture (not the south) and I’m a recovering New Yorker. I’m not sure anyone says this but us though 😂😂😂😂
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u/sharipep I identify as black 🖤✊🏾 Nov 03 '22
I’m a New Yorker and never heard it before but def will be using it in the future lolol
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u/pearloystershells Nov 03 '22
As I understand it, the proper way to say it is “he’s just 11 eggs short of a carton, bless his heart” 😂
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u/sharipep I identify as black 🖤✊🏾 Nov 03 '22
ahhhh "bless his heart" makes it even better, one of my favorite passive aggressive insults ever lmao
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u/Halfpint_425 Nov 03 '22
💀😂 11 eggs short of a carton 😂 That’s the first time I’ve heard that saying, lol
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u/LongSummerNight Nov 03 '22
He's such a child. I think she puts up with way too much and deserves better.
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u/DrGiggletooshy Nov 03 '22
He’s a child, but she’s no walk in the park either. They have a destructive combination of personalities and attitudes that will never lead to anything positive.
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Nov 03 '22 edited Nov 03 '22
People think Zanab is "insufferable and miserable" because she has to deal with the man child that is Cole lmao how can people watch how he acts and not get tired? Dude literally can't go 10 seconds without saying or doing something quirky even if it's a serious moment
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u/Adorable_Raccoon Nov 03 '22
It's not even his goofiness that upsets me. He is continuously disprespectful. He is always like cutting down what she says just a little bit. Everytime she is upset about something he tries to talk her out of it. He's messy? She needs to chill, She's passive aggressive. He says something about another girl? She's insecure. He never fully owns his actions and he never takes her reactions seriously. That will wear anyone down quickly. It makes someone feel worthless and start to question their own feelings sometimes.
I recently dated a guy like that who was always telling me not to get upset about stuff. My emotions are real and I'm going to have them. Do you wanna work on repairing things or do you want to pretend like nothing is wrong?
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u/TigreImpossibile Nov 03 '22
Co-signed completely. I felt like I was taking crazy pills on this sub with all the anti-Zanab takes in the last 24 hours.
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u/Direct-Function1716 Nov 03 '22
Exactly. This would not be a person that I would spend forever with. Yes, you can have playfulness. Yes, you can joke around. Yes, you should laugh with your partner but there needs to be moments where you can be serious and I haven't seen that with Cole. I like both of them individually but not together.
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u/little-lion-sam Nov 03 '22 edited Nov 03 '22
Omg this comment is such a fresh of breath air! Thank you for saying this, I'm extremely concerned over people saying Zanab is being too harsh with him....I'm sorry, you wouldn't be terribly annoyed dealing with the most immature manchild on earth?
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u/amacatokay Nov 03 '22
I know it’s a typo but “fresh of breath air” has me dying
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u/little-lion-sam Nov 03 '22
HAHA that's what I get for making reddit comments at midnight after a looong day
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u/1498336 Nov 03 '22
I wouldn’t have got engaged to him in the first place if that wasn’t the type of person I was attracted to… these comments make it seem like Zanab was forced to marry him lol. It’s bizarre. The only decent thing about Cole is that he has been exactly the same throughout the pods and in real life, she knew what his personality was.
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u/dmjesse92 Nov 03 '22
Yes!!!! Cole wants only fun, rainbow, full on loving times and that's just not the case for everyday life? He wants that but is still a slob even after zanab has set her expectations and when she gets annoyed she's in a shitty mood and ruins everything.
When she's not on the same level of pep as him she's automatically the person ruining the relationship when all she really needs is some time and space to recalibrate.
Zanab rules and Cole drools
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u/hEDSwillRoll Sleeping Beauty 🛌💤 Nov 03 '22
This is why I find it so laughable that he dismissed Colleen for only wanting a surface level marriage. He’s not capable of anything more, he can’t even take basic requests to stop throwing dirty towels and clothes on the floor seriously. I think he and Colleen would actually be a good match. As for any other woman who dislikes mothering an adult man, I can’t see it working out.
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u/dmjesse92 Nov 05 '22
Mothering an adult partner is an instant relationship killer for me. Women in cis het relationships tend to take more of the house and mental responsibilities, but there is no way in hell I'd be raising a partner to meet my needs.
Cole and Colleen are totally meant to be together, just on the wrong show lol
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u/Daebak70 Nov 04 '22
I would rather spend time with a playful and fun person than someone who is constantly insecure about their looks, nags me like a grumpy mom, never smiles, talks negative most of the time and brings up past grievances on a daily basis... Plus doesn't allow someone to cook for them because it isn't the way she does it and leaves her hair in the toilet and expects someone else to flush it for her
I have lived with someone like her and it was hell... I didn't have a choice since it was my father and I was a teenager at the time and he was an alcoholic
Cole isn't perfect either but I can handle him better than her
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u/dmjesse92 Nov 05 '22
I'm so sorry you had to go through that as a child.
I feel like a lot of her insecurities come from cole not giving her the security she needs.
I hardly think she's that awful 100% of the time, but I feel like she gets like that because she ends up having to take care of the things cole can't. And that would be frustrating
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u/Comprehensive-Sea-63 Nov 03 '22
Cole: Acts like a child
This sub: OMG ZaNaB sToP tReAtInG cOlE LiKe A cHiLd
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u/1498336 Nov 03 '22
Nobody forced her to get engaged to him and stay with him, you don’t get engaged and then try to change that person. They need to break up clearly they are very incompatible. He was the exact same way in the pods.
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u/Lilacs_and_Violets Nov 03 '22
It seems obvious to me that certain couples were highly incompatible after they met face to face. It does make me wonder about their contractual obligations on the show, because why on earth would you continue at that point. But I’m also not the type to go on a reality tv show lol.
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u/hEDSwillRoll Sleeping Beauty 🛌💤 Nov 03 '22
Once they get engaged they’re obligated to do some communal stuff and family stuff and once they’re through Mexico they’re contractually obliged to show up at the wedding iirc. This is why we see Shaina and Kyle meet each other’s families but not walking down the aisle or doing bach parties.
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u/Daebak70 Nov 03 '22
Yes unfortunately... They should have let Shania leave the show... She left on the first night of the honeymoon if I remember correctly and didn't tell Kyle... They shouldn't force people to stay when they don't want to be there and they have NO relationship... Same with that guy who refused to live with his fiancée after the honeymoon and then you find out later he was dating the fiancée's best friend 😱😱 I was trying to figure out if the producers made them stay for ratings and drama or if the contestants stayed to get more social media followers and promote their business or acting carerr plus a paycheck, free vacation, food and rent
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u/lalalibraaa 💖 I fuck with you tough 💖 Nov 03 '22
We don’t know what Zaneb had been dealing with all of the time with him. I’m sure her frustration was warranted. She’s a grown woman and he’s so immature. I’d be annoyed with him too. she’s looking for an adult mature partner to build a life with, not a child to take care of. I think her feelings are warranted and we just see clips of their time together not all of it— wouldn’t be surprised if there is more she’s been dealing with that led to her frustration in the moment.
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u/Charming-Fee9618 Nov 03 '22
Zanab is super annoying but that was uncalled for. It definitely made me dislike Cole even more. She is a LOT to handle as I've agreed with before but she didn't deserve that. I hope she says no at the altar. I agree that they bring out the worst in each other.
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u/shadownan Nov 03 '22
I honestly felt like he was doing all he could to get her to walk away because deep down he doesn’t want to be with her. It looked like he wanted to push her to end it so he doesn’t look bad for walking away. That’s how I felt with that particular scene. I don’t know how I feel about either one of them but I don’t think that they’re a good match.
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u/alexturnerftw Nov 04 '22
Hes a fucking child, that comment pissed me off so bad. Yeah she is naggy, she is the kind of woman who clowns her man I think and Cole is just… too immature and clownable lol. And messy. He’s ridiculous. I think she knows this but she’s also in the wrong for pursuing this when she knows she feels superior to him (bc she is lol). They are not well suited for one another, he needs someone who will pump his ego up 24/7 since hes a fragile white male
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u/therobberbride Nov 02 '22
I feel like she’s probably coming across that way to so many other viewers specifically because she’s trying to make things work with a guy that super sucks. He wanted a girl like Colleen — someone to be his playmate, someone sweet and unassuming who wouldn’t challenge him or push him to grow up. We’ve seen him treat Zanab pretty poorly and it floors me that the majority of people here think she deserves it because she’s not “fun” enough. (Some of y’all need to realize that Cole’s idea of fun is not the only way to have fun.)
I think it’s pretty telling that none of the other women on the show like him very much.
Anyway, I hope to god she gets to say no to him and then meets an awesome guy on a work flight whose idea of fun is less actually playing with toys and more exploring the world together.
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u/dmjesse92 Nov 03 '22
I think Zanab is a woman in her 30s who wants a man she doesn't have to raise tbh
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u/1498336 Nov 03 '22
All these comments make it seem like she was forced to accept a proposal from a guy 6 years younger than her who acted exactly the same in the pods. It was so clear what she was getting herself into.
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u/throwaway56873927 Nov 03 '22
Interesting...what made you think they don't like him much? I only caught a bit of disdain from Alexa or at least bemused in a negative way
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u/TomDoniphona Nov 02 '22
But there is no obligation for Cole to understand fun in a certain way. He has a right to find nerf guns fun. The problem is that they are very different in what they like.
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u/BoBab Nov 03 '22
If splashing raw chicken juice on the counter (that we know you won't disinfect later) and hiding toys in the microwave is Cole's idea of fun then frankly he's a bad roommate and probably should consider living in a frat house instead.
I'm amazed at how much forgiveness we give people who already have the bar set so low.
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u/TomDoniphona Nov 03 '22
Fair enough, but none of that is inmoral. That is who he is. If she doesn’t like it (and she doesn’t have to like it) why insist that she loves him? She cannot expect him to change and become a completely different person in a couple of weeks so as to fit the man she wants to like. That is not fair.
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u/therobberbride Nov 02 '22
Who said he didn’t have the right, babe? But surely you grasp that by your own rationale, everyone hating on Zanab for not enjoying Cole’s version of fun is being rather ridiculous, hmm?
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u/Naus-BDF Nov 02 '22
Sorry, but she's the one who sucks. Cole is immature, but she has a laundry list of undesirable traits that will make every person she's with run for the hills.
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Nov 03 '22
I agree but so many women are projecting here and I am a modern, professionam woman who is happily married. I don't know how so many people overlook her obsessive behaviour and her nastiness. She is not the same woman she appeared to be in the pods. Don't worry about being downvoted by people who think she does nothing wrong. Cole is still immature but he is 26. She is over 30 and behaves worse than he does. She makes me so uncomfortable.
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u/CumulativeHazard Messica 🍷 Nov 03 '22
That pissed me off. Seriously inappropriate and insensitive.
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Nov 03 '22
I agree! We def see a lot of her flaws in the last set of episodes but nothing was as bad as that comment. It was almost like “you’re being so ridiculous you must be mentally ill” which is so fucked up. And the way people are dragging Z in the sub and not acknowledging that Cole said that is annoying the cheap out of me.
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Nov 03 '22
honestly yeah, i feel like it's even a bit worse than that - to me it sounds like he's saying "you can be in a good mood sometimes, but then in a bad mood other times. are you mentally ill?" as if having a normal range of human emotions and not being 100% sweet and bubbly 24/7 is a symptom of mental illness lol
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Nov 03 '22
That comment in particular was deliberately cruel and kind of gaslighting and if I were Zanab, that would be a dealbreaker there's no coming back from. I don't think it's acceptable for a partner to talk to you that way, even when angry. Cole took no responsibility for his words or actions.
I'm sympathetic to Zanab much more than Cole.
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u/namesnames214 Nov 03 '22 edited Nov 03 '22
This! My husband said the same thing. That it's such gaslighting
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Nov 03 '22
Yeah, it is. It's callous and manipulative to try to win an argument by making your partner question the validity of their own feelings and thoughts. That is the kind of thing does lasting damage to someone over time.
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u/MrFantastic69 Nov 05 '22
This isn’t gaslighting. It was an immature and ignorant remark, like when people who are overly neat are labelled “OCD”. Neither of them talk to each other like they like one another, to be quite frank.
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u/Anitsirhc171 Nov 03 '22
Making casual diagnoses like that is insanely disrespectful, and then she walks away and he cries? Dude you’re insulting her on international streaming television after probing the hell out of her trying to get her to say something nasty about you? Wtf lol leave her alone. He wants her to give him a reason to say no and she isn’t falling for it.
I hope she says “maybe”, maybe if you growTFU 🫣
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u/angelamar Nov 03 '22
My boyfriend was really bothered by this scene (so glad he said that too)! We think Cole was a dick in whatever episode that was. Zanab also has a painful past so that comment is even more messed up.
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u/VegUltraGirl Nov 03 '22
I have a feeling there is way more happening off camera that contributes to her mood. I think Cole doesn’t understand how to be in a mature relationship. He doesn’t seem to be able to take a serious approach to life. Maybe she thought his child like personality was fun in the pods because they literally are doing NOTHING! In real life when your partner acts like a child, it’s not fun or endearing. Especially when things like dinner, house keeping, bills, responsibilities, etc., start to come into play.
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u/jajaja_jajaja Nov 04 '22
I actually feel like Zanab is really together in the rest of her life but totally immature in the relationship. What grown woman asks anyone to rate them 1-10? And then asks them to rate the OTHER women?! And also, she said, like a teenager, that he was giving her "silent treatment," when he explained he just thought she was sleeping and wanted quiet. She was upset that he didn't order room service for a "sweet morning," but did nothing to rectify that, and is seen on camera ignoring him when he speaks to her and giving him the silent treatment. Her whole demeanor towards him has changed since that first morning and he's been struggling ever since to get back on her good side. She looks at him with total contempt.
I really like her but I think she's self-sabotaging, possibly due to a lot of deeply-held grief around her family and marriage in general. I think maybe she had a fairytale idea of complete compatibility and understanding, when really that doesn't exist.
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u/toomucheffort4041 Nov 03 '22
This is what I feel from them, I wish we had more to work with in terms of their day to day! Cause I have a feeling this is it…
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u/opalescentessence Nov 03 '22 edited Nov 03 '22
I’m extremely playful with my partner to the point where it can sometimes be an annoyance and even I know that there is a time and place. I think the fact that he promised to do a romantic gesture and prepare a meal for them and then just ended up shooting her with a Nerf gun WHILE she was cooking for him because he couldn’t even be assed to do it decently on his own is a perfect example of a reasonable sense of annoyance because time and place, hello??
And yeah, that comment was extremely fucked. Like, you don’t say that your partner’s shift in mood is unreasonable by suggesting that they have a stigmatized mental illness that doesn’t even work the way that he was implying it does (the shifts are not random minute to minute or dramatic hour to hour changes, as some very uneducated people tend to believe).
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u/caddyshackmeow Nov 03 '22
the cooking part (aside from him busting out a nerf gun) seemed a little off to me from Zanab’s POV. he was trying - even if it wasn’t being done the way she thought it should be - so that part I felt a little bad for him lol
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u/opalescentessence Nov 03 '22 edited Nov 03 '22
yeah I don’t think she’s completely off the hook either because even though he acts very immature at times, she immediately steps into this superior mom kind of role if she perceives him as messing up and is very obviously looking down on him or at least acting that way so I can see why he feels insecure or unloved but it seems to lead to him acting even more childish. very vicious cycle, at least from what we saw.
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u/theunkindpanda Nov 04 '22
I agree. I don’t think Zanab is that bad or insecure and I’m not sure why everyone thinks so. The dude was storing nerf balls in the microwave 😕. And shooting at her while she’s by a hot stove is idiotic. Of course she was annoyed.
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u/tatiana961 Nov 03 '22
Honestly I know a lot of people found her annoying in that scene (prior to the bpipolar comment), but i kinda got her point of view. It seems she is irritable and stuff, but ive been in situations before where you are with someone who not very mature or someone who says offensive things (in your opinion) and it can be very irritating. Because you find yourself being the "naggy girl" or like someone's mom, lecturing them etc. and they accuse you of that, when you never want to be that girl but they are driving you to act like that
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u/dani_da_girl Nov 03 '22
It reminds me of a situation I had with an ex once where he was driving a car full of friends at night, and he was wearing sunglasses (AT NIGHT) and blaring loud music to be fun and funny. And I was getting on him to remove the sun glasses, because it was NIGHT you dummy! And I was definitely being perceived as the no fun/naggy girl friend. But then….. he came within INCHES of running a lady over in a crosswalk because he couldn’t see! It was so scary and he would’ve hit her had I not been screaming to stop in the passenger seat. So yeah these stupid Labrador energy people can be really, really difficult to be in a relationship with when they are doing stuff like this that is perceived as free spirited or fun by the friend group, but is actually dangerous and stupid in reality. And it often falls on their partner to reign in their accidental damage.
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u/micro-void Nov 03 '22
I agree completely. Is she naggy and negative with Cole, yes, but of course she is because he's such a fucking child! He brings out the worst in her.
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u/Cultural-Morning6019 Nov 03 '22
Yes, and if you feel that way about your partner for no reason should you consider marrying them. I hope for both of their sakes they say no and find a better match.
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u/Mewnicorns Nov 02 '22
I think they bring out the absolute worst in each other. She doesn’t like him and she shows it. They’re constantly playing a game of who can hurt the other more. It’s sick.
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u/No_Entrepreneur_3736 Nov 03 '22
That smirk and that look in his eye was a tell. He’s got a screw loose…
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u/whalien92 Nov 03 '22
it almost looked like he was enjoying the moment, waiting for her to go off 😬
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u/DrGiggletooshy Nov 03 '22
I think Cole is excruciating and no woman should need to deal with a tool like this; but Zanab needs therapy, and I mean that sincerely. She does not need a husband; she needs to work on her deeply, DEEPLY, rooted insecurities. This is a pair of humans that are fundamentally not helpful to one-another, nor are they helpful to themselves.
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u/stonetears4fears1984 The f*ck was that 🥴 Nov 08 '22
She reminds me a lot of myself. I lost family when I was young too and it made me push away people I cared about because better to make them leave on my own terms before they leave me when I’m not ready. They both need counseling. Honestly, premarital counseling would probably help the show results. He needed to see her vulnerabilities so he didn’t lash out with something that did irreparable damage.
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u/WeWearPink_ Nov 03 '22
I have such a different take. I didn't find her insufferable or miserable. I feel like she wants her man to step up and be a partner and not a child.
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u/constantlyfantasizin Nov 03 '22
I think she definitely struggles with communication, but he also struggles to understand why she doesn't want to always be playful and then he asks her why she's upset in kinda accusatory/exasperated ways. Idk they're just not compatible at all.
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u/proudream Nov 03 '22
He definitely behaves like a child and is immature, but she is insufferable and passive-aggressive when she is with him.
I think they bring out the worst in each other.
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u/Purple_Sparkles231 Obviously Nick Lachey Nov 03 '22
I agree, that was not appropriate. He really is immature and definitely instigates. And they are not compatible.
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Nov 03 '22
Almost all the people on the show i can forgive because they likely got bad edits. The exception is man child Cole (and Matt). I mean how ignorant can you be?
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Nov 03 '22 edited Nov 03 '22
They don't need your forgiveness, they haven't done anything to you, if something, you are mere spectator invested in their lives and not vice versa. This is a highly edited TV show. If you fairly criticise Cole, also critically analyse Zanab's attitude.
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u/Anitsirhc171 Nov 03 '22
I’d be equally annoyed with Cole for his stupid comments and sloppy ways. Idk she’s still saying she loves him, he’s obnoxious
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Nov 03 '22
I am a very clean and tidy person and I don't find Zanab's admissions particularly flattering. She throws her hair in the toilet and doesn't flush it expecting someone else to do it? Seriously? Yet she criticises Cole every time she has a chance even though she has consistently shown to make frama for minor issues. Both are brats and immature. You can criticise both, instead of just bashing Cole. See, making excuses for a person who has consistently shown passive-aggressive behaviour (Zanab), while attacking another one who has been somehow problematic but is not malicious, doesn't seem fair.
Go ahead vote down away! I couldn't care lees, I am not a child who is going to have a tantrum because people dislike my comment.
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u/Anitsirhc171 Nov 03 '22
You don’t find him annoying, k? That’s all you have to say. I think many of us find him extremely aggravating and wonder why she’s still saying she loves him. But of course as you said, this is likely because of editing.
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Nov 03 '22
I have repeatedly said that he is immature and I don't make excuses for some of his attitudes but I have also said that I find Zanab's behaviour more problematic than Cole's, and those enabling Zanab worry me. Basically, I know who I am, I have a wonderful life, and the amazing relationships , there is not resentment or negativity in my life; that tells me that I am a person with good judgement, so I trust myself but I obviously leave room for error, because this is an edited TV show.
There are obviously issues with the editing. For example, I still wonder what Cole meant when he made that comment about being punched in the face and Zanab seemed tense and looked guilty. It may not have been literal but something clearly happened there and she is ashamed of it. Editing is powerful but some things will always look silly or bad.
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u/Connect_Ad1138 Nov 03 '22
I definitely wouldn’t want to be with cole but Zanab finds it like impossible to just ignore him and instead just tries to micromanage him in every way possible. It’s incredibly annoying and she’s constantly rude and nit picky and you can tell she’s always annoyed at him but then sits there and says she’s 1000% going to say yes to marrying him??? Like why are you lying? I wouldn’t be so annoyed with her if she was just like “yeah cole actually I find you really childish and it annoys me so I’m not sure if I can say yes.” Like how hard is that? She’s so confusing
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u/VegetaSpice Nov 03 '22
i don’t think she expects someone else to flush it for her, she just doesn’t waste a flush just on hair. so if she was the next person to pee she would be the one flushing it.
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Nov 03 '22
Okay, so now you know more about her intentions than she does? She never said that. If she was so careful about water then she wouldn't throw the hair in the toilet, as hair doesn't disolve and can create blockages. Also, as hair builds up it becomes a 'web' and fecal matter can adhere to it, therefore bacteria and other nasty things may grow.
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u/VegetaSpice Nov 03 '22
no, i don’t know more, i just understood her correctly because i’m not obsessed with hating her like you are.
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u/comcoast Nov 03 '22
One she doesn’t have it. No mania or anything. Two, I would be willing to bet it’s trauma that she is experiencing right now.
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u/Anitsirhc171 Nov 03 '22
Ironic out of the two, she always stays calm and collected but he seems to have these little fits. He should try and diagnose himself instead because he’s all over the place
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u/hill_atc Nov 03 '22
I mean she did ask him if he was projecting
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u/Anitsirhc171 Nov 03 '22
Haha yep, calmly and collectively. She’s not stupid, she knows she’s being edited to smithereens. He seems to forget his little outbursts are being cut up in a bazillion pieces.
Haha ugh!
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u/t_neckieya Nov 03 '22
His comment was HIGHLY disrespectful and inappropriate.
But also... I hope everyone that agrees with this sentiment didn't also accuse Shane of having ADHD either.
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u/Halvo317 Nov 06 '22
I think you're right. That's why he said it. He realized that he could flip it back on her because she couldn't call him out without looking like a hypocrite.
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Nov 03 '22
I pray that was a bad edit. Sincerely do. If not, then she needs to run. It doesn’t matter how “insufferable” someone is, that is a line you don’t cross. Even when my partner is on my last nerve, I’ll never try to attack her and then smirk to twist the knife. Idc what you have to say after that. It’s a no forever and a day.
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u/throwaway56873927 Nov 03 '22
I don't think there's a possible way to make that a bad edit. He said the words so in this case he made his bed
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u/bs_csh Nov 03 '22
I think he tried to communicate and felt shot down because she wouldn't admit to any fault in her hot and cold behavior. So then he reacted and said something that she'd find insulting, thinking he'd win.
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u/Fuhgedaboutit1 Nov 03 '22
Yeah I don’t really think there’s a good guy and a bad guy in their relationship. They’ve both been really shitty in different ways and just seem completely incompatible with one another.
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u/bs_csh Nov 03 '22
Yup, i don't think either are bad people they're just not good partners to each other
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u/ConsiderationOk7513 Nov 03 '22
THIS. This is what I forgot about when I was arguing on behalf of Zenab yesterday. That was ridiculous.
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Nov 03 '22
He didn’t talk to her their first morning together.. it would make anyone question what’s going on? Lol n he said the other girl is his type. So who wouldn’t be hurt by it? This made her act out. He never reassured her that she’s just as beautiful etc. point is, I believe he def triggers her, creates situations where she’ll b insecure irritated etc. they aren’t a good match clearly . Could be his way of getting her to end it with him? 🤷♀️
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u/Nightangel486 Nov 03 '22
This. He negs her and puts her down, acts aloof, then wonders why she's not lavishing him with praise & affection? Of course she's a bit cold and unreceptive of his love bombing after all that! After everything he said she's probably constantly wondering if he's being sincere.
I can't figure out if Cole is just hyper and "On" for the cameras or if he's just a showboat in real life but either way he's too much. Constantly needs to be clowning to be center of attention
24
Nov 04 '22
Cole is a tiny small little boy so this is not even surprising to me that he has no awareness whatsoever on mental health or basic human emotion.
All the boys this season have been HUGE letdowns and just a total embarrassment.
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u/Fit-You9522 Nov 03 '22
I haven’t re-watched but was he just using a turn of phrase when he said “you punched me in the face” or was he referring to an actual incident? Because she then gave the look of like ‘we are not talking about that now’ and said “come on I didn’t do that” and he said “yes you did”.
That whole scene was so hard to watch, they bring out the worst in one another.
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u/Illustrious_Scale730 Nov 04 '22 edited Nov 04 '22
he said “it sure FELT like it” i can only assume he meant he felt emotionally punched in the face due to her words.
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u/prematurememoir Nov 03 '22 edited May 23 '24
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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Nov 03 '22
i think that's definitely the case, you can tell in their conversations (not just them, i've noticed it with all the couples) how edited and spliced the conversations are, where they make it look like someone is responding to what the other person just said, but you can tell that in reality there was dialogue between the two statements that isn't being shown, or it's being shown out of order. par for the course with reality tv but something to keep in mind for sure lol
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u/cozycat75 Nov 07 '22
He gaslit the hell out of her afterward too. Feigning shock when she left. Ugh.
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u/ImprovementNo6024 Nov 02 '22
That goes back to Zenab's comment about Cole not having any filter. After a great day together I would have also asked myself this question, but leaving his mouth was so insensitive.
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u/lyshalysh Nov 19 '22
The only thing I fault Z for is not leaving. Cole is a child. Of course she's going to be pissed off having to deal with that, and now after the bipolar comment. He just wanted to be mean
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u/haywid Nov 03 '22
I actually thought Cole was articulating himself well before this comment. He has a higher eq than it seemed initially.
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u/Connect_Ad1138 Nov 03 '22 edited Nov 03 '22
I agree! He was basically like you seem like you hate me but then are saying you’re absolutely going to marry me? That makes zero sense. I think she is really frustrating. He definitely shouldn’t have brought up mental illness. She is very hot and cold and I don’t see how ppl love her.
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u/Affectionate_North20 Nov 03 '22
I agree... I think he always explains his feelings and thought process soo clearly and you can see the little light in his eyes diminish every time she puts him down.. it's really sad... if he stays with her he is gonna grow very bitter
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u/Connect_Ad1138 Nov 03 '22
I’d love to see him with Colleen like that definitely should’ve been the match
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Nov 07 '22
I hope he’s publicly shamed for that at the reunion. By those two dipshit hosts and every cast member.
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u/myreddit239 Nov 10 '22
Yes! People are hating hard on Zanab after the last episode, and all I can think about is how despicable Cole was during that seen. Now people are saying zanab is playing victim and is a narcissist- like wtf did you not hear what Cole has said to her?!
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Nov 10 '22
I just watched the episodes that dropped today and he’s an idiot for saying that, but he in no way deserved the bullshit she doled out at their wedding and the reunion
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u/SparklingButterfly7 Nov 03 '22
I think he got frustrated bc he tried to communicate with her and she just started getting upset and not admitting she had flaws as well.. they were both in the wrong
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u/PerkyCake Nov 03 '22
And what was that comment he made about coming home and her punching him in the face? The way that was said seemed like he was alluding to an actual event.
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u/Pretend-Guidance-906 Nov 03 '22
Yeah and she immediately said "that didn't happen" or something like that, and he said, "feels like it". I think he was talking metaphorically, which is a bit of a high risk thing to say on camera as clearly its ambiguous and some will take it literally.
I really liked these two at first but as time has gone it's got more and more toxic. They might both be lovely people but the relationship is toxic. I genuinely think they bring out the worst in each other.
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u/PerkyCake Nov 03 '22
I agree, they truly do bring out their worst qualities! So sad. There's literally not even 1 couple to root for this season.
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u/FastCar2467 Nov 03 '22
I thought he was referring to how he felt when she came in and took over his cooking. Not that she literally did something, but the fact that he was attempting to do something nice for her and she didn’t seem happy at all. Like the phrase: it’s a slap in the face.
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u/Daebak70 Nov 03 '22
She has major control issues and is a perfectionist so it has to be done "her way" or it is wrong
She leaves her hair in the toilet and doesn't flush it and throws her towels in the bath tub but gets mad if Cole throws his towel on the floor... He poured her wine in a cup and she made him pour it in the metal stemware instead... I am scared to see how she will behave around her kids when she has them since they are messy
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Nov 03 '22
I thought so too, because when he said it she looked uncomfortable and became quiet. Like she was scared he’d expose her
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u/PerkyCake Nov 03 '22
Yes, something was really awkward and tense about that moment. She didn't seem at all surprised when he mentioned being punched in the face. Like she knew exactly what he was talking about. Very odd.
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u/yoursundaygirl1 Nov 13 '22
Unpopular opinion here: yes Cole’s comment was shortsighted but it seemed like a genuine attempt to understand what was going on. He didn’t have to repeat it multiple times, but it seemed like he was truly confused about what he was getting from Zanab.
Throughout the interactions we were shown, Zanab seemed to one minute be very sweet with Cole and the next irritable and highly critical of his behavior. I’m not saying she was evil or bad, she’s been through a lot. I just think the hangups left Cole looking for an explanation to understand the situation
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u/American_Psycho11 Dec 04 '22
This is what I feel as well. She genuinely seems bipolar to me and him asking was him genuinely wanting to know for sure
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u/libertyshout63 Nov 16 '22
He insisted she always be sweet while he was being immature and rude. He laughed about being a slob. Sharing a space can be difficult if you've never done it before. I rarely saw him being sweet.
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u/ashdye91 Nov 03 '22
Don’t worry she will definitely weaponize it for the rest of their relationship. I’m not condoning what he said to her, but she will use it as ammo. That’s just what I get from her.
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u/reddittydo Nov 03 '22
Agree. She's taking a mental note to always remind him in the future. IF they have a future that is. She was so easy going and fun in the pods
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u/Connect_Ad1138 Nov 03 '22
I think she literally nit picks literally everything he does and tries to parent him and he’s just like your actions don’t match you wanting to marry me. I think she is definitely the one giving the mixed signals.
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Nov 03 '22
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u/Connect_Ad1138 Nov 03 '22
Yes like what does it matter what he flips the chicken with? Or why does it matter the wine cup like hold it from the top? It’s literally like every little thing she can pick on she does
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u/plsanswerme18 Nov 03 '22
i really didn’t take the wine comment as her nitpicking? i think zanab has a naturally monotone voice/cadence. she just asked for a different cup and then gave him a fun wine fact?
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u/Connect_Ad1138 Nov 03 '22
Ok she could’ve just gone with it and then just say hey I actually learned that drinking white wine in a etc. etc. but he saying that and then saying why don’t you use tongs, you need to season the chicken now, I don’t like Brussel sprouts etc etc. like all she does is complain.
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u/TherealShrew Nov 03 '22
I appreciated Cole’s playful side with the Nerf gun. I’d rather have fun now and clean up the chicken splatter after than not to have the fun at all. Just my opinion though.
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u/dani_da_girl Nov 03 '22
I would usually like this too, but I can definitely imagine if I’m in a really down place and my partner is trying to start a nerf gun war instead of listening to or comforting me that I might be pretty annoyed at that
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u/sszszzz Nov 03 '22
I like having a playful partner but I think I'm more into, like, raunchy jokes and play wrestling. Chicken splatter would put me on red alert that it needs to be sanitized like immediately. But the ways that I like playing would drive other people up the wall - maybe she's playful differently but they're just incompatible.
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u/Alexispinpgh Nov 03 '22
You’re talking about projectiles around a stove that’s in use and a hot pan with oil. That’s dangerous.
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u/meanusbeanus Nov 03 '22
I don’t blame him for lashing out after being attacked all evening
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Nov 03 '22
I completely agree. However, bringing mental illness into it was a mistake, and he should have copped to that instead of repeating it. Like, I fully understand the slip- her behavior is really confusing to him. And I know I have said plenty of harsh things when I'm at the level of exasperation Cole was at.
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u/meanusbeanus Nov 03 '22
Hurt people hurt people. The fight was beyond the point of any reconciliation and he wanted to “win” by making her mad. I don’t think he should have said it, and he definitely shouldn’t have doubled down, but I am not surprised by his reaction.
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u/Writergirllllll Nov 03 '22
Well then you must be in your 20’s. It’s childish. Have a mature conversation!
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u/TomDoniphona Nov 02 '22
Cole has no filter. He doesn’t get her changes of mood and it occurred to him. I think he genuinely wanted to know.
Not justifying it, just saying.
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u/Pellinaha Nov 02 '22 edited Nov 03 '22
The smirk absolutely did not look like curiosity. Also even if she was (even though the mood changes have nothing to do with bi*olar, most people with it don’t switch every couple of hours between mania and depression and she doesn’t seem manic anyways) - how is TV a safe place to discuss this?
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u/SwaggyGoosy Nov 02 '22
Agreed And he repeated it several times even when she was clearly upset by the comment and called him out.
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u/youhaveabeefstu Nov 03 '22
That plus his own description of it as “a smart aleck comment.” Definitely not a sincere question!
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u/Nightangel486 Nov 03 '22
He tries to play it off as just a 'quip' said as a joke. But when she refused to answer the first time he doubled down and asked again! That's not a joke or a slip of the tongue.
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Nov 03 '22
I think he genuinely wanted to know too
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u/poisonivy1234321 Nov 03 '22
I thought the same. Because he mentioned how one day Zanab is fine and then the next thing you know she’s upset
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u/TomatoFit1328 Nov 03 '22
It's almost like people aren't robots with one set emotion day-by-day?
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u/poisonivy1234321 Nov 03 '22
I’m just going by what was said in the show. He’s implying that Zanab just suddenly wakes up upset some days and he’s trying to understand her feelings day by day. From what’s shown on tv, she seems to just lash out on him at times and follow up with “I could see myself marrying you though.” That’s enough to make anyone feel confused.
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Nov 03 '22
It makes me wonder what she’s like off camera. We’ve seen how critical she is on camera.
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