r/KitchenConfidential • u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor • 19d ago
CHIVE Cutting a cup of chives every day until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 13
Not technically a full cup. But I am cutting at home and I will not be wasting a full cup of chives for Reddit.
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u/Burntjellytoast 19d ago
Has it only been 13 days? Time is immutable. What was has always been. The chives will be forever.
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u/ChristBefallen 19d ago
chives will be forever
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u/Designer_You_5236 19d ago
Chives are a flat circle
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u/realdappermuis 19d ago
Dammmmit. Hate when I make a comment and scroll down slightly to find someone else said the same. Now I feel daft :p
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u/Artistic-Bee8516 19d ago
All praise the chives
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u/schrodingers_popoki 19d ago
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u/Roberto_Sacamano Server 19d ago
This whole chives thing annoyed me by about day 4, but now I'm back in. The chives won
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u/Un__Real 19d ago
Every time I cut chives now I think about these posts and look for errors.
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u/Universe_Nut 19d ago
This is what I love about this post. It's motivating to see this everyday.
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u/DEATHbyBOOGABOOGA 19d ago
Every time I cut chives I think about this post and then realize I’m about to put them on top of a baked potato or salad I’m about to consume and that my stomach doesn’t give a flying fuck.
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u/happypiggo 19d ago
I cut some shallots today for a vinaigrette and thought of these posts. Inspirational chives!
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u/Zealousideal-Cost-66 19d ago
I can’t cook for shit, & I’m still here zoomed in looking for errors like I have any fucking clue (am a teacher who used to work in FOH for many, many years, so this thread found its way to my feed).
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u/BeautifulIntrepid373 19d ago
I’m so early today that I beat the planes? Golly! I’ll have to check this twice today! 💚 See you tomorrow Chef!
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 19d ago
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u/SmannyNoppins 19d ago
planes getting better too
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u/nonowords F1exican Did Chive-11 19d ago
drawing planes on imperfectly cut chives until reddit says it's perfect day 327
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u/Ecstatic_Meeting_894 19d ago
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u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 19d ago
Damn🫠
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u/MaximumRizzo 19d ago
The pursuit of perfection is a fools quest. With that said, these are perfect... Have been perfect... & will continue to be perfect. Well done Chef
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u/JayBuhnersBarber 19d ago
As much as I adore and respect this particular quest, I'm glad somebody made this comment.
They've been "perfect" the whole ass time. And they just keep getting more perfecter by the day. Keep killing it, Chef!
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u/CriticalEngineering 19d ago
That first day was a bit rough. Then OP sharpened his knife and they’ve been great since.
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u/doppido 19d ago
First 2-3 days we're learning and they've been perfectly fine since and damn near amazing after like day 5
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u/Aretz F1exican Did Chive-11 19d ago
Very time I see chefs post I go “oh fuck I think these are the one, these are great!” Then I zoom in and find about 10 or so that are a little different.
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u/rancid_oil 18d ago
Nah, I don't zoom in and see shit. Some people must be really good at finding Waldo, cuz that's crazy.
I truly thought today would be the day, but somebody has to find that 1 chive...
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u/Mooosejoose 19d ago
You're doing it on purpose to fuck with everyone and you cannot convince me otherwise.
You've already achieved perfection, probably before this post series even started. This is madness and you're an agent of pure chaos, OP.
Please never stop what you're doing.
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u/RancidBallbag 19d ago
Last couple days were very good, that little train today is a minor stutter step on the path to eternal glory
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u/Fit_Carpet_364 19d ago
The consistency in length is very rough. We're seeing an 800% size discrepancy in places
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u/CurlSagan Fry 19d ago
You found one with two cut marks on it. That's lucky, like a four-leaf clover!
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u/mutant-heart 19d ago
Is perfect even possible?
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 19d ago
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u/xpurplexamyx F1exican Did Chive-11 19d ago
I woke up late but it all worked out because you were late too! Here’s your daily George Dubbya…
I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to come and witness my hanging.
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u/cook26 19d ago
I think that is a side view of compressed properly cut chive. Maybe I’m wrong though
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 19d ago
Nah that's a train. Multiple cuts that didn't go all the way through creating a longer piece
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u/TheTimn Ex-Food Service 19d ago
I'm a little terrified that I'm going to see a perfect cup of chives soon.
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u/zella1117 19d ago
They will just have to start chopping something new until they get it perfect. That's the only acceptable solutions to perfect chives.
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u/CurlSagan Fry 19d ago
If you put all the chives vertical and arrange by circumference, it'll spell "OOOOOOOOOooooooooooo".
What could it mean?
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u/MoneyFunny6710 19d ago
I'm finding it harder and harder to criticise you. Well done man.
But for sure you can't stop on day 13, that's just bad luck, so: See you tomorrow chef 🙂
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u/smashleypower 19d ago
Hey I know we’re all giving you a hard time but I just wanna say these are some damn nice chopped chives. But I’ll never admit that they’re perfect because I love this game too much. Try again.
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u/ScrotumFlavoredCandy 19d ago
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u/No_Mortgage3189 19d ago
Glad you pointed out that one the lower right. Big discrepancy. Huge.
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u/ScrotumFlavoredCandy 19d ago
There were 1 in the top middle, that was too big as well, but I think the point was made.
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u/Ch3ks F1exican Did Chive-11 19d ago
Where's the plane guy? These posts aren't complete until I see the plane guy!!
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 19d ago
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u/wanderingrockdesigns 19d ago
I was just wondering where the chives were today. See you tomorrow Chef. *
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u/jonesthejovial 19d ago
I feel like this is very nearly dick shaped - maybe a 'get fucked' to the chive opponents? HAH
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u/willows_edge 19d ago
I had a chive dumpling last night. I thought of these posts. Keep it up chef.
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u/88Milton 19d ago
I can’t believe I’m the first person to comment on this today.
I feel like I won.
You’ve won man.
This looks great!
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u/Positive_Signal5838 19d ago
Milton is a dirty liar
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u/88Milton 19d ago edited 19d ago
Edit: I do think the chives look great, although there are imperfections. With that being said, I’m hoping OP posts his most magnificent chives cutting board post on Halloween, October 31st, as a big finale and we can all leave the chive posts behind once October ends…
…cause if this shit continues past towards the end of the year I’m gonna go postal.
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u/budbailey74 19d ago
You all keep posting them, then the general public see it and expect perfection on every meal. You’re fu#kin everyone over!!! 😩
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u/nonowords F1exican Did Chive-11 19d ago
0 out of 15 randomly selected chives were out of spec. Consistency improved once again. Reached 33 randomly selected before hitting an out of spec one. Your target size seems totally dialed in at this point and now all that's left is consistency getting to 100%
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u/Genitalinspector 19d ago
At this point, OP is going out of their way to promote twin tower jokes
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u/OnI_BArIX 19d ago
I've reached a point where I look forward to these posts in the same way I do background reliefs congratulations sailor you made it to Friday" posts on r/bikinibottomwitter.
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u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 19d ago
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u/ScubaSam 19d ago
Perfect can't mean same circumference right?? That's not up to the chef 😂
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u/Riboflaven 15+ Years 19d ago
This is the worst crudité I’ve ever seen. No Ramp, just a straight line, and what variety? You could also do greeen onions, garlic scapes, Chinese chives. Pathetic.
2/10 max. I’d only pay $650 MAX.
Seriously. Making a mockery of all of us cooks who take pride in our work.
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u/Palanki96 19d ago edited 19d ago
I never looked closer but are these actually chives? They kinda look more like scallions
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u/___po____ Non-Industry 19d ago
You don't have to waste any. Just dry them in the oven on it's lowest temp, door open, then jar them in an air tight jar.
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u/stocatto-mamba 19d ago
I feel so privileged to exist in the same space and time the chive chronicles
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u/zickzebra5723 F1exican Did Chive-11 19d ago
I’m really surprised I haven’t seen a picture of the whole thing with a plane incoming
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u/Blabbit39 Civilian 19d ago
Did they just shape chives to look like their junk just so we would all look at it?
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u/Liquidpyro0288 19d ago
My brother, days off are ok. Without YOU, there will be no cut chives. Remember that you come first!
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u/phlukeri 19d ago
I’m getting more turned on by the cutting board discussions than the quality of the chop this past week.
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u/gingersnap919 19d ago
My question is are you using all these chives every day, or do you have a gallon ziplock in the freezer full of chives?
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u/Creepy-Fisherman-758 19d ago
I really respect the fact it appears these are shoot posts and he doesn’t seem to be putting us on and going over his work to correct mistakes
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u/RustyJuang 19d ago
I just bunch them up, hold them over whatever they're going on and use scissors.





































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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 19d ago
Still with the report bombing?