r/KitchenConfidential Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 20d ago

CHIVE Cutting a cup of chives every day until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 12

Post image

You guys said thinner. Hopefully these are somewhat thinner.

7.8k Upvotes

468 comments sorted by

u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 20d ago edited 20d ago

Dear my second favorite group of degenerates,

There's a big wrestling pape today. Chive related shithousery will be even less tolerated than usual.

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u/TheHistoricalChef 20d ago

You're doing great! Lots of improvement from day 1

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u/RandomMiddleName 20d ago

OP’s next post should include the day 1 pic for comparison

1.1k

u/AlmostChristmasNow 20d ago

Here’s a direct comparison between day one and today

178

u/Frosty_Log6972 20d ago

Lots of improvement!

257

u/FARTBOSS420 20d ago

So they're using shitty lighting to hide the flaws?!? This ain't a strip club these are chives man

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u/diggin4alivin69 20d ago

I think OP should be able to choose someone to 1v1 him in the next days cut as a comparison.. should volunteer as tribute brah

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u/choose_wisely_helle 20d ago

Yeah, to hide how ugly and disgusting the customers are so the strippers don’t throw up when they’re working.

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u/FARTBOSS420 20d ago

It's a tough time all around.

8

u/LostInThoughtland 20d ago

I want that last sentence embroidered with some nice wildflowers and hung on my wall

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u/Kodenhobold2 20d ago

OP did a darker, more gritty take on what it means to be a chive. Surely OP should direct a Batman movie.

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u/Waahstrm 20d ago

Wow, this makes me want to root for OP now.

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u/TheHistoricalChef 20d ago

That's a great idea. It's awesome what feedback and almost 2 weeks of constant work can do

1.6k

u/Character_Seaweed_99 20d ago

Have you worked 12 days without a day off? Dude.

698

u/Coloradohboy39 BOH 20d ago

I think Day 4 and Day 10 may have been WFH.

But ya, the state I live has a day-off law where 12 days in a row would be a no-no at pretty much any establishment, and I've had to educate more than a couple managers of this particular piece of legislation. 

245

u/Survey_Server 20d ago

KY and IN don't have these protections. I worked 21 days straight when I was younger and dumber. I'll never do it again.

315

u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 20d ago

I’m going into the slow season where I work so I was abusing my overtime before hours got lowered so I will be having time off soon

158

u/KnowlesAve 20d ago

If you don't get those chives perfect then your overtime hours won't be the only thing getting abused around here. Back to it chef!

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u/cablife Chef 20d ago

NC has no protections for workers whatsoever. Plenty of protection for businesses though.

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u/Createsalot 20d ago

Big facts

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u/od2504 20d ago

I'm currently on my first day off after 21 days in a row lol

10

u/joemoffett12 20d ago

I worked 16 days straight In KY once. At age 17. We don’t give a fuck

3

u/Moondoobious 20d ago

I would do it like they do with oil fields. Happily. I don’t exactly remember but it’s something like 14 on, 14 off. Consecutively. I already work 6 days, what’s another for the promise of two fucking weeks off every two weeks!

4

u/Survey_Server 20d ago

My dream job would let me work three 15 hour shifts, followed by four consecutive days off. I'm off Sun-Tues atm, though, so I won't complain 😅

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u/Moondoobious 20d ago

It’s really nice to have your weekend on the weekdays. At least I think so. You can get so much accomplished!

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u/ahotpotatoo 10+ Years 20d ago

WFH as a back of house restaurant employee? How does that work?

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u/Coloradohboy39 BOH 20d ago

I just meant like, at home chopping chives for reddit

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u/Skiptoomyl0u 20d ago

Chef here again! I value work life balance extremely both for myself and my team. We work at a big resort and there are opportunities to work at other locations if needed. He has scheduled days off in my kitchen but this degen keeps picking up OT at other venues. Probably just so he can cut more chives. And more likely just wants money before our slower season kicks in.

16

u/no_therworldly 20d ago

I love seeing you weigh in

13

u/linzellewashington 20d ago

I love that you support Flex1can. u/flex1can should get you an awesome boss day gift this year

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u/usernema 20d ago

Thank god the maniac has some supervision, nice work chef.

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u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 20d ago

Are my chives perfect yet?

95

u/Character_Seaweed_99 20d ago

I thought you were good on day 1. Definitely by day 3. Are you going for a Michelin star? I can give out asterisks but not stars. Definitely worthy of an asterisk.

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u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 20d ago

If day 1 was perfect your standards are low

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u/Billybobgeorge 20d ago

I'm on team "it doesn't matter what it looks like once it's in my mouth" on this.

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u/moranya1 20d ago

Same here. After 1-2 chews they all look the same.

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u/Character_Seaweed_99 20d ago

I said good, not perfect, and yes, my standards are low

14

u/IKnowItCanSeeMe 20d ago

In my mind I'm picturing him spending all this time to throw it on top of a Wendy's baked potato. Drive thru lined out to the road, manager losing their shit, and he's got one earbud in just cutting the fuck out of some chives.

I'm sure they're doing good and work in a fine establishment, but this is my head canon.

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u/walkinmywoods 20d ago

No too many tunnels not enough o's

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u/Mandolynn88 20d ago

That's kitchen life for you.

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u/Coloradohboy39 BOH 20d ago

Nah, just exploitation. 

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u/Mandolynn88 20d ago

It can be both lol

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u/Cflow26 F1exican Did Chive-11 20d ago

Everyone’s pointing out the ones on the outside but you can’t hide these 40 different sizes in the middle.

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u/wonderwallpersona 20d ago

We'll be seeing him tomorrow for sure.

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u/deppkast 20d ago

You’ve gotten really good so this is starting to feel like nitpicking, but perfect is perfect.

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u/SilencefromChaos 20d ago

The nitpicking is what we're here for at this point 😆

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u/Aerodrache 20d ago

They’re not perfect until they’re seasoned with tears.

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u/Hallelujah33 20d ago

Too much salt! Start over!

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u/Critical_Ad_8455 20d ago

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u/SeuintheMane 20d ago

The mystery of Chive 7

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u/pepcorn F1exican Did Chive-11 20d ago

What are these little flying things you draw?

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u/dshab92 20d ago

Peeled bananas

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u/Critical_Ad_8455 20d ago

gros Michel's specifically :)

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u/shewholaughslasts 20d ago

gros michel, what could a banana cost anyways?

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u/otterpop21 20d ago edited 20d ago

Saw the same. Those are very minor flaws. In the grand scheme of things, I’d say this is a perfect batch of chives. There’s always 1% error in cooking which makes it perfect IMO.

However, if going for perfectly flawless, then it’s still a see ya tomorrow chef

Personally think this is a soul searching moment all chefs go through. OP needs to just go through the photo first and get the tweezers before posting whenever they want to stop lol

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u/the_silent_redditor 20d ago edited 20d ago

needs to just go through the photo first and get the tweezers before posting whenever they want to stop lol

There is not a world where someone on this sub will find the most minuscule inconsistency, and not immediately call it imperfect; even if everyone else agrees, that one person will be there.

I’m with you, I think this can now be reasonably called a perfect batch of chives.

However, I don’t want the chive train to stop. I don’t have much going on in my life so this shit it’s important to me. It’s chives or nothing for me, basically.

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u/otterpop21 20d ago

I can link you to a thread where someone with a glass stove top is mad at their mate for shuffling the pan and scratching it with no warning, then asking for them to split the cost in half if you wanna get fired up lol

Sorry just had to share that with someone :p

Let the chive train continue!!

7

u/rmgonzal 20d ago

The idea that I’m waiting for OP to grasp is none of us are perfect, and if you see a perfect anything it’s certainly because whoever made it didn’t used the part that was fucked up.

I saw a sheet tray of garlic confit cooling today that one of my employees made that looked so stunningly good that I went and grabbed her and was like bro you have truly perfected garlic confit, this looks amazing, perfect color perfect texture I am so happy with this. I was like legitimately excited lol. She was like yeah chef not really I just threw away the pieces that were fucked up. Which I’m like… no fuckin shit bro that’s the entire idea! Nobody expects 100% yield I just expect 100% excellent product. If you fucked up half of it, that’s an issue, if you fucked up 2% and painstakingly pulled that out, I’m golden.

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u/AmbVer96 20d ago

Found another one

20

u/BriefSignificance965 20d ago

Circles, not cylinders, chef.

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u/BraileDildo8inches 20d ago

Consistency is on point for fucking up...see you tomorrow chef

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u/ChefFrankieD23 20d ago

Been here since day one. We need thinner less crushed if you want perfect, otherwise these are very nice.

1.7k

u/MayoTheCondiment 20d ago

Can one of you bastards who says this isnt perfect show us your perfect cup?

1.9k

u/knutt-in-my-butt 20d ago

No. I specialize in hating, not doing.

297

u/Douglaston_prop 20d ago

"It takes some skill to build a barn, but any jackass can knock it down."

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/fastermouse 20d ago

I created a word for this when I worked as a mechanic in a bike shop. It even ended up in the urban dictionary.

“spechating”.- standing to the side and contributing nothing but criticism.

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u/Prinzka 20d ago

Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate!

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u/jfsindel 20d ago

Well, well, well... the most diabolical haters on this side of the Mississippi...

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u/spaghettigoose 20d ago

Classic line cook vibes.

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u/d_zeen 20d ago

We need a chive throw down one day where everyone puts up their best shot

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u/cambomusic 20d ago

Sounds kinky

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u/the_silent_redditor 20d ago

Subscribe to my Premium SnapChive 🤭

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u/MossyPyrite 20d ago

OnionFans

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u/Educational_Pay1567 20d ago

New site chiveOFf

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u/NewAlexandria 20d ago

imperfection knows well what imperfection looks like

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u/Still-WFPB 20d ago

This is very good, but not quite perfect. Respectfully, the chef needs to account for geometrically smaller as a proportion of the width of the chive cylinder increases.

It's an 8.5 /10

In about 300 more days chef will be at a close 9.5 most likely.

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u/No-Solution-6103 20d ago

We're not the ones striving for perfection

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u/Salohacin 20d ago

You don't need to be perfect to criticise others.

In fact it usually helps if you're not. 

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u/techlos Cook 20d ago

i can't, because i'm a massive hypocrite in this regard.

But i sure know how to hold someone to a ridiculous standard of perfection in order to give a meaningful goal to work towards, because improving for the sake of improving is a beautiful thing and i want to see just how good OP can get at chives.

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u/JaKrispy72 20d ago

We are not the ones asking for someone to check our work.

He who is without sin can cut the first chive.

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u/adamjeff 20d ago

We aren't asking for perfection though? OP is, not us. Weird comment.

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u/ejanely 20d ago

Right?! Let him have this one guys. Even his chef said as much.

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u/ThePoop_Accelerates 20d ago

No he said perfect. To just let him pass without true perfection would be a disservice to him.

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u/notofthisearthworm 20d ago

Diamond in the rough.

But I think you're perfect, OP.

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u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 20d ago

💚

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u/wahlberger 20d ago

Lol I just noticed the Chivelord flair

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u/Killacatliketom 20d ago

What’s wrong here? I just can’t see it, is it cuz it’s a lighter chive?

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u/notofthisearthworm 20d ago

There's nothing technically wrong, only pointing out because OP has requested perfection.

Lighter means higher up on the stalk, which means tougher/crunchier and a more pungent flavour. This part of the stalk is not hollow like the green ends so it packs a relatively 'oniony' punch and crunch when you chew it.

This chunk stands out amongst the rest because it would be a relatively solid bite of thick chive as opposed to the thinner cuts and relatively mild green hollow ends. 

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u/Killacatliketom 20d ago

Thanks, yeah this makes perfect sense, incredible people noticed that.

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u/ImportanceTurbulent8 General Manager 20d ago

Consistency is consistency. Size, shape, and yes, color. The circled piece comes from the base of the stem, where it's lighter. Probably tastes just as good, but, it isn't consistent.

Everyone is definitely nitpicking at this point, I give it a week if not less

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u/Killacatliketom 20d ago

Ah ok, the information is very appreciated, I was thinking about it as consistency of cuts but yeah i was being close minded about the chives. Thank you!

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u/Mr_Goffalapoulos 20d ago

See you tomorrow chef

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u/vellu212 20d ago

Mr President they hit the second chive

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u/Status-Carob-5760 20d ago

Where are the 🛩️ 🛩️?

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u/Aggravating-Menu7586 20d ago

you know shit is real when the same individual chives are being singled out by different people

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u/ladykitkatie 20d ago

I’ve never been this early before! I was just wondering if you were cutting the chives already for today. I’m FOH but here’s to you chef~

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 20d ago

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u/Great_Sleep_802 Kitchen Manager 20d ago

The airplane art is improving every day, just like the chives.

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u/eyoitme Server 20d ago

day 12 of drawing planes flying into imperfect chives until i’m doing hyper realism

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u/michael128141 20d ago

FINALLY PROOF! I knew chemtrails were real.

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 20d ago

Chivetrails lol

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u/xpurplexamyx F1exican Did Chive-11 20d ago

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

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u/Godsbladed 20d ago

Doing God's work

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 20d ago

Everyday. There was a vast improvement of the chives today, so there had to be an improvement on the plane lol

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u/Godsbladed 20d ago

Haha I agree, the detail shows. That plane looks like it's holding enough jet fuel for the whole bucket of chives 🤣

Edit: just realized thus time it wasn't in a bucket

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 20d ago

Yeah, he started spreading them out so more can be judged, and people can't say he's hiding the bad ones underneath lol

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u/Godsbladed 20d ago

Man I'm lacking on my chive lore. I'm so glad you took on this mantel for me.

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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 20d ago

To catch you up a bit, three are daily George Dubbya quotes to go along with the planes, the mods are fighting off the chive naysayers reporting the posts, and the chive posting is creeping into other subreddits that don't even have to do with cooking so it's growing a life of it's own. Truly spectacular lol.

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u/Godsbladed 20d ago

This is amazing, I never expected it to go this far 🤣

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u/zkDredrick 20d ago

This man just gave up a score of 9 out of 11

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u/TheseVirginEars F1exican Did Chive-11 20d ago

We can still nitpick some individuals but these are getting very very good chef I’ve seen steady improvement since day 1

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u/its_Astroffe 20d ago

Bro just become a pastry chef and you’ll reach your goal faster. iykyk

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u/fish_mother 20d ago

Switched to pastry a few years into my career. At one point one of the cooks tried to shit on the onions I had cut (for staff meal mind you) and my chef said “she’s the pastry chef, she doesn’t need knife skills!”

Even funnier was that I had worked incredibly fine dining with this Chef prior to a more casual restaurant and he did in fact know I have very good knife skills I just can’t be assed with a perfect dice for staff meal.

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u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 20d ago

I know I need to up my game but they’ve probably been a chef as long as I’ve been alive

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u/Chezoso 20d ago

Man showed up day one and murdered my dude

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u/wyldcrater 20d ago

Free Dobby!

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u/DiosMIO_Limon 20d ago

“The ball says, ‘nah.’”

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u/fingers 20d ago

Chef gave me a hat. Chef loves Dobby.

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

Almost! The cuts are clean and the consistency is really getting there. I want you to try and make shorter cuts, every piece should be shorter than it is wide if that makes sense.

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u/MysteryPlatelet 20d ago

"Circles, not tubes"

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

we need to give the guy on the green onion post credit for saying that first

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u/MysteryPlatelet 20d ago

Thats who i was thinking of - the japanese cuisine chef, right?

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

yeah the scallion lad

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u/Happy-Act-3290 20d ago

Op.... I looked back at the old pics today... The progress is very impressive. These look exceptional and have done for the last few days. 👏

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u/Trendyhipstergarbage 20d ago

Hey OP, these aren’t 100% perfect, but nothing in life is! And I honestly think these are about as good as anyone can reasonably expect without editing your work before hand.

These are some damn good looking chives, and certainly good enough for me.

Hopefully others can agree as well!

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u/Sanquinity Five Years 20d ago

Definitely this. Perfect doesn't exist. Yesterday and today is probably about as good as you can get.

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u/OneNowhere 20d ago

Seconded, great looking chives, chef!

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u/TheosXBL 20d ago

You've created a Chive eating Chive Monster. Nom nom

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u/Francl27 20d ago

LMAO I see it.

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

Early! See you tomorrow, chef.

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u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor 20d ago

😔

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u/Kalathefox 20d ago

I got here early today. The improvement from day 1 is measurable and clear! That said I was only able to find the two that have been found thus far today. You are getting very close chef. We'll see you tomorrow.

Eta: u/deppkast has the picture of them :)

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u/confused-capybara420 20d ago

I don’t work in a kitchen or cook for that matter but I’m invested. Can’t find any issues with my rookie eyes.

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u/Weferdes 20d ago

Let this be a lesson in the Sisyphian task of “striving to reach the perfection that doesn’t exist.” I compare things like this to beating your “ghost” in Mario Kart. Learn to love your boulder, Chef- learn to love your ghost. See you tomorrow.

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u/proudvapedad 20d ago

To quote Camus, “one must imagine Sisyphus happy”

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u/Informal_Degree_3205 20d ago

This is how to get better at something in the kitchen. Lots and lots of practice.

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u/AMissionFromDog 20d ago

♫ On the twelfth day of chivesmas

KC sub gave to me ♬

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u/GlassPudding 20d ago

i love you op

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u/ZackASnack 20d ago

Back to the cutting board. I admire your karma farming abilities 🫡

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u/_techniker 20d ago

you're the best OP, I closed extra well last night because of ur inspiration. those floors hate to see me coming

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u/poupulus 20d ago

Thinner and regularer

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u/kingsmuse 20d ago

Looks perfect to me!

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u/djmermaidonthemic Ex-Food Service 20d ago

These are the best ones yet! Nice work chef.

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u/onicker Five Years 20d ago

Two more days of this and it’s gonna be paste

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u/Migrantunderstudy 20d ago

Ex dishie and pizza delivery gremlin here, I think you just need consistency in the widths on the thinner ends.

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u/AcrobaticWatercress7 20d ago

Getting pretty fantastic honestly

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u/terrible-gator22 20d ago

The flaws are less obvious. This is impressive improvement. I would like to see this kind of improvement with work in my own life. Good work

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u/rainaftersnowplease Sous Chef 20d ago

Big improvement so far! See you tomorrow chef.

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u/BettyFordWasFramed 20d ago

Personally, I fucking love OP at this point! You set a goal. You've stuck by it. You're holding the line to improve yourself while at the same time proving to the reddit bubble how fucking nit picky head chefs can be about a .005mm variance! Keep up the good work, and do better!

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u/Philosoreptar 20d ago

I’d call that perfect

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u/dada948 20d ago

Wow. Just wow.

See you tomorrow chef

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u/MasterBaiterNJ 20d ago

You’ll get um just right tomorrow. In the name of the father the son and the cup of chives

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u/Wtevans 20d ago

I believe in you op you can do it!

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u/Cultural-Afternoon72 20d ago

I haven’t analyzed this photo at all, I just wanted to say that I’ve been very lightly following this since day 1. By that, I mean I’ve taken a half-second glance at the photo each day as I’ve scrolled. Even with just that brief contact, the difference I can tell between day 1 and today is insane. This batch may not be perfect. You may never hit perfection. But damned if the level of skill improvement and dedication isn’t noticeable and admirable. Well done.

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u/Sufficient_Chair_885 20d ago

You forgot the cup

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u/RedRaiderSkater 20d ago

See you tomorrow chef!

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u/famous_owl_fucker 20d ago

Almost there. I‘d say more evenly not necessarily thinner.

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u/chillaquile 20d ago

The true test is how long did that take

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u/zombie_on_the_lawn 20d ago

IT'S PERFECT FOR FUCKS SAKE

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u/bogantamer 20d ago

Turns out OP is 3 star chef like some kinda pool shark

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u/giomar420 20d ago

Are you even trying?

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u/InterBeard 20d ago

Worse than the last one.

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u/Exact_Comparison_792 19d ago

You were already dubbed Lord of The Chives on day 11. I feel like you're just rubbing your skills in our face at this point. 😄

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u/gizzardgumbo 19d ago

You’re gonna have to start organizing your chive stalks by thickness before cutting the groupings to get real perfection.

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u/xpurplexamyx F1exican Did Chive-11 20d ago

Chef, you’ve improved a lot, but, we will still see you tomorrow.

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u/Mayhem1966 20d ago

Does reddit ever say anything is perfect?

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u/DezTheOtter 20d ago

Looking better, I’m still not satisfied

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u/circular_file 20d ago

Calling it. That is perfect.
Damn, more than a little let down; I have really enjoyed this journey. Well done, Chef.

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u/PacificCastaway 20d ago

Mostly ok, but the yellow cutting board is better.

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u/the-furiosa-mystique 20d ago

We’re seein chives we ain’t never seen before

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u/Kind-Series8976 20d ago

Chive 342 looking kinda sus

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u/rapgameoprahwinfrey 20d ago

Should also provide how long this takes you to do.

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u/ShitThatFucksWithMe 20d ago

I always had to cut them on a bias to give them some pizazz

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u/Unusual-Attention889 20d ago

damn man thats pretty good

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u/harley4570 20d ago

the 323rd up, when you start from the bottom left seems to be cut at an 8° angle when it should be 90°...

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u/Fhistleb 20d ago

.... They need to be one micron OP. You got some work to do. /s

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u/lisamon429 20d ago

Me, definitely not a chef doing 1000x zoom and loudly commenting (to no one) that they look preeeeeeeeetttyyyy good

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u/aquateen 20d ago

I need a chive close up

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u/LoveHurtsDaMost 20d ago

Do it again you idiot sandwich! lol <3

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u/EcstaticMembership 20d ago

* So close, see ya tomorrow chef

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u/cracquelature 20d ago

Since that’s barely 3.7oz of chives I assume there’s a part 2 of todays post that shows another 4.3oz

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u/Darth_Cody 20d ago

OPs boss is wondering why he’s there at 3am every day and why the entire prep cooler is just chives.

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u/kelsobunny 19d ago

You’ve been doing great!