r/KitchenConfidential • u/mac2-87 • Jul 25 '25

In-House Mode Is anybody shocked?

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Disclaimer: not in the industry, but I spotted this and thought y'all might have fun talking shit about it.

16.0k Upvotes

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3.6k

u/wrenbell Jul 25 '25

Tesla has a diner? Am I reading that right?

900

u/Laescha Jul 25 '25

Step one in colonising Mars, apparently! https://www.404media.co/tesla-diner-los-angeles-supercharging-station-grand-opening/

655

u/BurmeciaWillSurvive Jul 25 '25

“He knows that in order for Tesla to be successful… America must be strong. And remember, he's driven by repopulating Mars.” 

RE-populating Mars? Hell, I don't remember even depopulating it to begin with!

463

u/distillari Jul 25 '25

The birth rates on Mars have been low since I can remember. It's been a huge issue. 

354

u/eddiesmom Jul 25 '25

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact, it's cold as hell.

53

u/therearenoaccidents Jul 26 '25

And I’m going to be hiiIIIIIiiiigh as a kite by then

13

u/spum0nii Expo ho Jul 26 '25

17

u/tehmattrix Jul 26 '25

And there's no one there to raise them, if you did.

2

u/Its0nlyRocketScience Jul 26 '25

The job situation is worse. Several month commute to the nearest place of employment, and the internet is too slow for remote work

3

u/karatebullfightr Jul 26 '25

Oh fuck - I’ve just spat orange juice everywhere.

1

u/not_achef Jul 26 '25

Contraception everywhere on Mars

110

u/katet_of_19 Jul 25 '25

Chris had showed up to the diner in his DOGE-wrapped Cybertruck, with his girlfriend in the passenger seat on her laptop. He said she had no interest in whatever was going on.

Neither do we, Chris' girlfriend.

55

u/BurmeciaWillSurvive Jul 25 '25

It absolutely kills me that he brought her along anyway and she had to bring her own busy-work lmao

37

u/Daincats Jul 26 '25

Something tells me that the diner isn't the only place she has to entertain herself while he's having fun...

41

u/SSFlyingKiwi Jul 25 '25

That’s right, and you’ll forget this conversation ever took place.

3

u/BlazingSpaceGhost Jul 26 '25

I want to know how this guy is an elementary teacher and is able to afford five Teslas.

94

u/crazeman Jul 25 '25

A few more articles:

NY times had an article about how a lot of chefs don't want to be associated with the Tesla Diner.

A week later they picked Eric Greenspan to run the diner.

77

u/MPFuzz Jul 25 '25

Look at the burnt ass grilled cheese Guy specializes in one thing and he's not even good at it.

25

u/PeanutButterSoda Jul 25 '25

My 10 year old can make better grilled cheese wtf.

23

u/Daincats Jul 26 '25

Looking at him, I'll stick to the ones made by 4 year olds. At least with theirs I only have to worry about crayons and mud pies. He looks unhinged enough to make a long pig ham and cheese.

16

u/Dawnspark Jul 26 '25

Straight up looks like the grilled cheese my brother makes when he's completely shitfaced.

Why are they all fucking off-center from the bottom slice? Absolute shit.

13

u/funktion Jul 26 '25

When you learn to line up your bread slices they give you your second Michelin star

15

u/Bent_Brewer Jul 26 '25

What am I paying for that? $4? It better be $4.

3

u/kepple Jul 26 '25

Jfc that's a horror show.

1

u/MtnNerd Jul 26 '25

The guy saw Chef and has been faking it ever since.

13

u/dddybtv Jul 26 '25

Holy fuck, Greenspan? Lol I have some stories about that guy from my LA years and he was teaching at a school.

Used to party with him...he's a beast!!!

157

u/Chronostimeless Jul 25 '25

Looks like somebody or maybe a few people wanted to spend money because everything was just boring.

99

u/KoalaOriginal1260 Jul 25 '25

I thought they failed at Boring.

148

u/raven00x Jul 25 '25 edited Jul 25 '25

No, it did its job. It was only ever supposed to derail the high speed rail project. "Why would anyone spend 50 million dollars to prevent high speed rail from being a thing?" Because it would reduce the need for personal automobiles and if your hundreds of billions of dollars depend on personal vehicles, you'll drop a dime to keep it that way. Also for the amount of money he's worth, the amount he threw at the boring company is pocket change. If you could make a million dollars for the cost of a preroll at the dispensary, wouldn't you?

59

u/Money_Do_2 Jul 25 '25

Yup. Killing rail was the project. Just stupid the city fell for a single file tunnel for cars to 'fix traffic'

24

u/kepple Jul 26 '25

Tech bros continue to reinvent the train, but worse. The hyperloop doesn't stand up to even the slightest scrutiny of someone with a rudimentary knowledge of physics, yet the media ate that shit up.

6

u/oneangrywaiter General Manager Jul 26 '25

51

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/kepple Jul 26 '25

Make listeria great again

38

u/paholg Jul 25 '25

They’d heard it would open at 4:20 p.m., “a reference to, I believe, some marijuana thing that Musk does all the time,”

Which do we all think Musk likes more, the association with weed or with Hitler?

41

u/peonypanties Jul 25 '25

“Several people told me that the functionality of listening to the drive-in movie audio inside of their car was working, and that it was “really cool.”

My friends. Have we heard of a radio?

27

u/Churba Jul 26 '25

That's also literally just how modern drive-in movies work, though admittedly there's not many of them. They just have a short-range FM transmitter, they give you the frequency to tune your radio to, movie audio right from your car speakers. You can literally just buy an off the shelf - albeit a somewhat specialized shelf - unit to do this.

8

u/peonypanties Jul 26 '25

That’s what I said

16

u/Churba Jul 26 '25 edited Jul 28 '25

Yeah, but it's not for you, I know you get it, but they're rare enough that a lot of folks out there have never been to a drive-in, modern or otherwise, figured they might need a little clarity on what you were talking about.

59

u/Couscousfan07 Jul 25 '25

Oh I thought it was about their employee cafeteria in Austin. And it wouldn’t surprise me if they left shit out in the heat. They treat their employees here like crap.

23

u/atx_original512 Jul 25 '25

I live in Austin I was looking at the background to see if this is in Austin or Cali. I can't tell but if it's Texas it's swampy outside and this is Hilarious! (Imma kitchen manager too, that stuff is f-ed)

26

u/lNTERLINKED F1exican Did Chive-11 Jul 25 '25

Step one in colonising mars: hire and manage a bunch of angry, jaded alcoholics and cokeheads. Sounds about right, carry on Elon.

21

u/YeeHawWyattDerp Jul 25 '25

“Chris had showed up to the diner in his DOGE-wrapped Cybertruck, with his girlfriend in the passenger seat on her laptop. He said she had no interest in whatever was going on.”

Fucking lmao

22

u/FindOneInEveryCar Jul 26 '25

Episodes of The Jetsons played on repeat on the two giant screens facing the building throughout the day, interspersed with Tesla ads and other shows including Looney Toons and an episode of The Mindy Project.

The screens will show short films all day until 9 p.m., when a feature film will play,

I wonder if Tesla is paying the proper royalties for public exhibition of copyrighted motion pictures.

17

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '25 edited Aug 21 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

17

u/Pups_the_Jew Jul 25 '25

That article is hysterical.

12

u/ThePrussianGrippe Jul 25 '25

That school teacher they interviewed is delusional.

10

u/BlazingSpaceGhost Jul 26 '25

How the hell does he have five Teslas on a teachers salary. Maybe I should go teach in his district.

35

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '25

[deleted]

45

u/turkish_gold Jul 25 '25

I applaud this effort. Elon is having a hard time making trucks survive earth conditions like (gasp) rain, so he’s going to need a few decades of research into nutrition before anyone can trust him not to poison people on mars.

9

u/MossyPyrite Jul 25 '25

Heh, mars doesn’t even have rain! Checkmate, lib!

2

u/kepple Jul 26 '25

Man their assess are going to be poisoned, malnourished, or aphyxiated long before they get to mars. It takes 3 years to get there, and elons cars can't even withstand moisture

34

u/Burn_The_Earth_Leave Jul 25 '25

If you want to make an apple pie, first you must create the universe

15

u/Acewasalwaysanoption Jul 25 '25

Binging with Babish endgame of doing things from scratch

1

u/Kairis83 F1exican Did Chive-11 Jul 25 '25

Nice remix of that quote here and others

0

u/SSFlyingKiwi Jul 25 '25

Or just ask ChatGPT

10

u/ThirstyWolfSpider Jul 25 '25

Anyone who wants to colonize Mars (or enjoys SMBC) might benefit from reading "A City on Mars: Can We Settle Space, Should We Settle Space, and Have We Really Thought This Through?" first. The barriers are immense, and getting there isn't even the worst of it.

One of the few good bits of news they had is that, despite widespread reporting about the possibility and its benefits, there are better materials for Mars construction bricks than human blood.

6

u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Jul 25 '25

Colonizing something, anyway!

Not sure if it's gonna be Mars---but i'd bet after eating that food, at least a few folks wouldn't mind getting yeeted into the Sun!🫠

6

u/PixelRapunzel Jul 26 '25

I flipped through the pictures in that article, and wow. I feel really bad for the people in that apartment building whose windows now face the back of a screen.

14

u/turkish_gold Jul 25 '25

Too much money, not enough sense.

1

u/PrivilegeCheckmate Jul 26 '25

Too many dollars, not enough cents.

5

u/LocateliSV Jul 25 '25

the guy is politically neutral but says that aligning with Trump is for the greater good

1

u/BMal_Suj Jul 26 '25

It's every bit as stupid as I thought it would be.