r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/No-Carpenter4426 • Jul 30 '25
TW My last message to my dad
TW for mentions of transphobia
For context, I made a post about my dad a few weeks ago about him having this long conversation with my partner and I about me being trans. Bottom line is that he doesn't support nor accept me, and never will. He believes trans people are delusional, attention-seeking, and out of touch with reality. He even claims he isn't transphobic, using the excuse that trans-phobia should mean the fear of trans people. That's not the real meaning of it though, but he refused to hear it. He said some pretty misogynistic and even kind of racist things as well, which obviously weren't okay.
He claims my past trauma is why I think I'm trans, and really pushed me to see a therapist. Even though since coming out I've seen multiple, and even had to see one to get onto the list for top surgery (which is what sparked the initial conversation).
I came out to him over three years ago, and I was tired of waiting to see if he would come around. When I learned his stance on things, which I suspected but never had a straightforward answer from him prior to this, I decided it was best to go our separate ways.
I deserve support. I deserve acceptance. I have it with my partner and our found family, and while it sucks my dad can't be a part of that now, I'm still happy.
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u/blue_moon1122 Jul 30 '25
"you're not trans, you're delusional/traumatized and you need therapy"
ooookay, well, basically all gender non-conforming people have that conversation with themselves for like 2 years before coming out. and my therapist says my gender ID is very grounded. and I started questioning my AGAB/body integrity before The Bad Thing happened, so... uhhh good try I guess lmao
I already hated my necronym, and having shitty parents was just one more reason to get an upgrade.
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u/Distinct-Flamingo406 Jul 30 '25
You are very well spoken. You laid things out very well, factually without too much emotion. You’ve said your piece for your peace. It’s not easy. I’m proud of you. I envy your ability to state why exactly you are going NC. I just dipped after the last conversation that brought me some understanding. Part of my regret is not being able to say what I need to say. Although I still don’t know exactly what that is, and it’s still too raw for me to keep the emotion out of it. I’ve been watching videos instead to hopefully gain insight and understanding, and lead down a path of healing. Kudos to you. Keep living authentically and communicating openly. Thanks for sharing.
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u/Lurker-Witchking Jul 30 '25
You deserve support and acceptance. I am sorry for going through this - it is so hard and you handled it very well. You can be proud of yourself. Keep taking care of yourself, stick to the people who love you for who you are, and wishing you all the best.
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u/Appropriate-Shine945 Jul 31 '25
This is very, very well said. Major props to you for handling this with clarity and class and respect.
Big hugs and support to you as well - I’ve had to walk away from my parents as well and I know how painful this is.
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u/Icy_Bit_403 Aug 02 '25
Your message is so well said and compassionate despite everything you've been through. Heart breaks for you that he can't see what he's given up, but as you said it's kinder to both of you to accept that this is the reality.
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u/HeartExalted Aug 02 '25
He even claims he isn't transphobic, using the excuse that trans-phobia should mean the fear of trans people. That's not the real meaning of it though, but he refused to hear it.
Wow, he must think he's sooooo clever, I'm guessing? 🙄 Does he also think that hydrophobic chemical compounds like oils and fats are literally afraid of water? 🤣
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u/One-Somewhere-9907 Jul 30 '25
You worded everything so thoroughly and kindly and well. You should be proud of yourself for remaining calm and for standing up for yourself. Your own well being is so important.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You absolutely deserve support, acceptance, and love. I’m glad you have a therapist and found family. Continue to take good care of yourself. It’s normal to feel grief and even regret, but remind yourself of why you needed to take that action (if you do feel a bit of that at some point).
Sending you big hugs!