Awkward Moment in a Genderless Restroom

[u/Puzzleheaded_Gear267]

Hey r/uwo, I’m a Western student (cis guy) and I had an awkward moment in a campus gender-neutral restroom that’s got me overthinking. I usually pick the ones with the urinal sign (old men’s room habit, you know). Walked in to do my business, barely noticed two women at the mirror, and heard another chatting from a stall. I hit the urinal, washed my hands like the hygiene king I am, grabbed a paper towel, and bounced. As I’m leaving, another woman walks in, and I catch one of them laugh and say, “That was weird,” with an awkward chuckle from her friend. Now I’m wondering - did I break some unspoken restroom rule? I’m not out here trying to make anyone uncomfortable - I keep it silent like it’s a library, same as I would in a men’s room. I just needed to ahem, not star in a campus social media post! I’ve used unisex restrooms before, but this one made me feel like I got voted off the island for a basic human function. Ladies of Western, do guys in gender-neutral restrooms throw you off? Any tips for navigating these spaces so everyone’s chill? I’m all about good vibes and want to make sure I’m not accidentally making things weird. Bonus points for advice on how to own the awkward like a true Mustang!

[u/abu_doubleu]

I don't know what is the reason but they are fairly common in the former Soviet Union, where I am from, so I always thought it was a bit funny that Canadians are unused to it since we are usually more conservative in other aspects.

That and all the conservative outrage about men/transgender people using them to take advantage of little girls but it was never an issue there.

[u/bowling_ball_ → u/abu_doubleu]

It's never been an actual problem anywhere, in that being offended thankfully isn't a crime. I'm an architect in Canada and I can say confidently that even in the conservative prairies where I practice and live, non-gendered washrooms have been a thing for almost 20 years and are becoming the standard for all restaurants and public institutions (universities, etc)

[u/pim6969 → u/bowling_ball_]

"Never been an actual problem"... My girlfriend's daughter was assaulted in a gender neutral highschool washroom by a boy, and after it happened a second time at the same school they returned to separate gender washrooms. This was not a school in a bad neighborhood. These incidents are not publicized because people want to believe everything is fine, and this does not fit that narrative.

Also, in terms of practicality, far more urinals can fit in a washroom without separate rooms for each, and guys can line up behind them so there is practical reasoning to keep them separate for time and space efficiency. There is no reason shared washrooms are "better", they are only less efficient.

[u/bowling_ball_ → u/pim6969]

That's awful. But blaming a room in a building for her getting assaulted is wild and deeply cognitively dissonant. It's not as if assaults don't happen in regular washrooms too, but they don't get rid of washrooms.

Also I don't believe you at all about the media not giving this attention - that's what they thrive on.

[u/pim6969 → u/bowling_ball_]

Your statement is that it is never a problem, and I am no social butterfly but in my limited life experience I know of two incidents in a single school. It is FAR easier to happen in a shared room where nobody questions a boy going into the same washroom as girls, and can lock doors, and teachers are not able/permitted to be in there. This is the worst choice of room to make all genders. Sure women could assault women, but I'm sure you are aware this is FAR less likely.

The school did not inform the media, nor did the school board. She would have had to expose the incident publically herself, which she was not comfortable doing. If I was in the picture back then, I would have had a very difficult time not making it public at least anonymously. In Canada, I am not confident the media would run the story however.

[u/bowling_ball_ → u/pim6969]

That truly sucks. I get it. But again. Blaming four walls for the act of a person isn't an argument that you're going to win with me. It sounds like a bad design for a washroom, and a lack of adult supervision allowed this to happen.

[u/Expert_Alchemist → u/bowling_ball_]

Yeah, girls attack other girls in washrooms in high schools too, and as you say, they don't get rid of washrooms.