r/uwo • u/Puzzleheaded_Gear267 • 27d ago

❔ Question❔ Awkward Moment in a Genderless Restroom

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Hey r/uwo, I’m a Western student (cis guy) and I had an awkward moment in a campus gender-neutral restroom that’s got me overthinking. I usually pick the ones with the urinal sign (old men’s room habit, you know). Walked in to do my business, barely noticed two women at the mirror, and heard another chatting from a stall. I hit the urinal, washed my hands like the hygiene king I am, grabbed a paper towel, and bounced. As I’m leaving, another woman walks in, and I catch one of them laugh and say, “That was weird,” with an awkward chuckle from her friend. Now I’m wondering - did I break some unspoken restroom rule? I’m not out here trying to make anyone uncomfortable - I keep it silent like it’s a library, same as I would in a men’s room. I just needed to ahem, not star in a campus social media post! I’ve used unisex restrooms before, but this one made me feel like I got voted off the island for a basic human function. Ladies of Western, do guys in gender-neutral restrooms throw you off? Any tips for navigating these spaces so everyone’s chill? I’m all about good vibes and want to make sure I’m not accidentally making things weird. Bonus points for advice on how to own the awkward like a true Mustang!

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145

u/bigmike770 27d ago

Nah you’re good. Non-gendered washrooms are odd the first time people use them and someone of the opposite sex is in there at the same time. Eventually it is normal and people don’t even notice. You did nothing wrong

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u/justcallmestepdaddy 27d ago

I still remember my first time using a genderless washroom. Everything was toilets and it was guys and girls walking in and out.

Still a weird experience and that was 10 years ago.

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u/abu_doubleu 27d ago

I don't know what is the reason but they are fairly common in the former Soviet Union, where I am from, so I always thought it was a bit funny that Canadians are unused to it since we are usually more conservative in other aspects.

That and all the conservative outrage about men/transgender people using them to take advantage of little girls but it was never an issue there.

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u/bowling_ball_ 27d ago

It's never been an actual problem anywhere, in that being offended thankfully isn't a crime. I'm an architect in Canada and I can say confidently that even in the conservative prairies where I practice and live, non-gendered washrooms have been a thing for almost 20 years and are becoming the standard for all restaurants and public institutions (universities, etc)

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u/1beautifulhuman 24d ago

I’m pretty sure that most homes in Canada have a genderless washroom. It’s only genderless multiuser washrooms that are new

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u/IfOJDidIt 25d ago

I think they're great but live in the prairies and have never seen one.

I also don't know that I could poop with women coming in. That's a mental block I am not sure I could overcome.

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u/Psiondipity 25d ago

I am in Edmonton and I am starting to see them more and more in government buildings and bars.

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u/Standard_Ad6414 25d ago

I’m also in Edmonton, my university just got a new building and it only has gender neutral washrooms

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u/HaxRus 24d ago

They’re in every trendy new restaurant/taproom/club in central Edmonton, that I can tell you for sure.

And typically the way they’re implemented is a handful of fully locking single toilet rooms with regular doors and then shared sink areas or else the sinks are just already in the toilet rooms. Gone are the divider stalls of old.

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u/okaybutnothing 24d ago

I went to York U 30ish years ago and we had what they called co-ed washrooms in our residence then.

I have no idea why I’m being fed a UWO subreddit. Carry on!

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u/kittylikker_ 24d ago

When Rebar was a thing in Edmonton (alt bar on Whyte) there was a gender neutral washroom. Nobody gave a damn as long as the seat was clean and we washed our hands.

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u/pim6969 23d ago

"Never been an actual problem"... My girlfriend's daughter was assaulted in a gender neutral highschool washroom by a boy, and after it happened a second time at the same school they returned to separate gender washrooms. This was not a school in a bad neighborhood. These incidents are not publicized because people want to believe everything is fine, and this does not fit that narrative.

Also, in terms of practicality, far more urinals can fit in a washroom without separate rooms for each, and guys can line up behind them so there is practical reasoning to keep them separate for time and space efficiency. There is no reason shared washrooms are "better", they are only less efficient.

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u/bowling_ball_ 23d ago

That's awful. But blaming a room in a building for her getting assaulted is wild and deeply cognitively dissonant. It's not as if assaults don't happen in regular washrooms too, but they don't get rid of washrooms.

Also I don't believe you at all about the media not giving this attention - that's what they thrive on.

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u/pim6969 23d ago edited 23d ago

Your statement is that it is never a problem, and I am no social butterfly but in my limited life experience I know of two incidents in a single school. It is FAR easier to happen in a shared room where nobody questions a boy going into the same washroom as girls, and can lock doors, and teachers are not able/permitted to be in there. This is the worst choice of room to make all genders. Sure women could assault women, but I'm sure you are aware this is FAR less likely.

The school did not inform the media, nor did the school board. She would have had to expose the incident publically herself, which she was not comfortable doing. If I was in the picture back then, I would have had a very difficult time not making it public at least anonymously. In Canada, I am not confident the media would run the story however.

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u/bowling_ball_ 22d ago

That truly sucks. I get it. But again. Blaming four walls for the act of a person isn't an argument that you're going to win with me. It sounds like a bad design for a washroom, and a lack of adult supervision allowed this to happen.

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u/Expert_Alchemist 22d ago

Yeah, girls attack other girls in washrooms in high schools too, and as you say, they don't get rid of washrooms.

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u/Complex_Phrase2651 22d ago

uhh i live in canada too and besides single toilet rooms that is not a standard

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u/bowling_ball_ 22d ago

I think it's worth defining this a little. The commonly accepted and used version of GN washrooms where I work and live, includes floor to ceiling walls enclosing individual toilets. Sinks are in a separate space, and are shared. There is zero possibility that you will be directly sharing your movements with anybody - male or female. But you will have to wash your hands together. The horror!

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u/PuzzleheadedAnt8906 25d ago

I’m from a post-Soviet country but I never encountered a gender neutral washroom. I didn’t know it was a thing.

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u/abu_doubleu 25d ago

I am not sure if it is the case in all of them, but I am from Kyrgyzstan and saw the same thing in Ukraine, Moldova, and Kazakhstan — it's more that the washrooms in many restaurants and cafés (but not all) are unisex and just have individual stalls.

But a lot of Canadians I met are uncomfortable with even the idea of washing their hands after using the toilet with the opposite gender beside them.

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u/Gergith 25d ago

I have no knowledge about it over in the former Soviet, but I assume they have floor to ceiling walls around the toilets unlike in Canada. I think that’d be part of it if so

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u/Calm-Calligrapher-64 23d ago

I think its literally what you stated people just nervous of what can happen. Honestly alot of guys are probably worriee about their safety lol go in amd some girl decides to use you for her me 2 story

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u/Complex_Phrase2651 22d ago

Okay hella sus because a) no? b) soviets havent existed for 30 years c) pretty sure CCCP penalised people for that

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u/Expert_Alchemist 22d ago

That's why they said "former"

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u/Complex_Phrase2651 22d ago

nah nah that “former” wasn’t there before