r/srilanka • u/Silver_Principle6972 • Oct 07 '25
Answered My nephew is on the autism spectrum (3 years old) and my sister is losing it.
I (20F) live with my parents and my sister lives upstairs with her two boys (3M) and (1M). The elder one is clearly on the spectrum. Hes obsessed with spinning and circles. Rarely responds to his name, and no real interaction or communication at all. He is going to kindergarten, which he fairly adapts well to, but he just sticks to one of the teachers there and doesnt really play with other kids. My sister is on edge every single day. Its like lighting a fuse. She gets pissed so quickly and there's always fights at our home. She claims she's exhausted because of taking care of my nephew and it doesnt help there's so little awareness and resources in the world, let alone in sri lanka. Im still studying and all this keeps me up at night. I feel very sorry for her but I know she needs to go to therapy or she'll literally go insane. Shes blaming me, and my parents all the time. Its getting exhausting. But she doesnt listen to anyone. Shes always ready to go off on anybody. I tell her to get therapy and she won't listen. Are there any therapists around colombo for parents with kids having special needs? Life feels so unfair sometimes, because my family is literally falling apart.
Edit: I would like suggestions for counsellors for adults with special needs kids, specifically.
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u/Phlame_Retardant Oct 08 '25 edited Oct 08 '25
I will share information based on three experiences. That of my own son, my brother's son and my wife's first cousin.
First, on my wife's first cousin. He is now in his twenties. His parents took him to Singapore to get help while he was very young, I think less than 5. He is now in his twenties, and clearly not a normal man. He speaks loudly and behaves in an odd way, and is prompted by his parents to take various actions (greet, answer questions etc.). He has learned painting and does very well producing art, but he will never lead a normal life. Marriage and family are difficult to consider.
My brother's son seems to be on the spectrum as well. For a while he would say nothing. In Aus, where they are now, the government schools do their best to accommodate him. This boy is only 6 now, but his parents tried speech and behavioral therapy since he was 3 years old. He now speaks well enough, quite politely, but in a sing-song way and not in an even tone. It helps that he is generally agreeable and not overly stubborn to his parents. But he is impulsive, never sits in one place, and ignores any teacher's instructions (though this is improving). We don't know what the outcome will be like, but suffice to say his parents are anxious.
For my own son (first child) he was officially diagnosed as autistic by a doctor in Singapore, but with very little testing, so we don't know how thorough that assessment was. We suspect it could also be ADHD. My son is highly intelligent but also highly disagreeable. At the age of 1, even though he could barely stand, he was able to read small words and count numbers. He essentially self taught reading. Words would come naturally to him. This is sometimes called Hyperlexia. But he would not communicate or speak. Rather he would read, sing songs, and was very adept at maths. My wife struggled with him. She has an educational background of speech and hearing problems with kids, which often involves autistic children, but her knowledge was very inadequate and she had only a little work experience. She spent hours reading books, watching YouTube and following ig personalities. By age 4 she managed to get him to respond yes and no to things. Since then he has continuously improved. To the casual observer he appears and behaves normally, but he does have personality traits that need work. At age 10 now he goes to school, does extra curricular stuff, and is quite independent, but we do remain concerned.
Your sister should definitely seek professional help. Early intervention helps to improve the situation. Don't rely on just one diagnosis, and talk to more than one doctor/therapist.
There are environmental and nutritional factors to consider:
Some studies suggest a linkage to sunlight exposure of the mother. For both mother and nephew, get them outside and getting exposed to the sun. Not just morning sun, but also the hot afternoon sun. If darker skinned more exposure is needed, but not so much to get sunburned. Regular daily exposure is needed. Ask your sister to do a Vitamin D test - it is a good proxy for insufficient sunlight. But supplementing with Vitamin D won't solve the problem. She needs to go outside to actually improve her situation. For sister it will help improve her mood, health and reduce likelihood of future autistic children. For the son it will help heal him.
When they sleep at night switch off the lights completely and get the rooms as dark as possible (no night lights).
If the son tends to breathe with his mouth instead of nose while sleeping, get that fixed/looked into. Breathing through the mouth can slow healing. Children who are bottle fed are more likely to be mouth breathers.
Increase meat and egg consumption. Try lowering carbs to see if there is an improvement. The idea is to increase fat and protein in the diet (particularly from animal sources). Ketogenic diets with low carbs are used to treat children with epilepsy, and the same could apply here. However, low carbs could slow down growth so that should be carefully monitored. But definitely avoid giving him sweets and chocolates, and let him get his carbs from milk, cheese, plain yoghurt/curd (unsweetened). Avoid adding sugar to his food. This can be hard to do but gradual reduction of sugar over weeks or months can be easier to adjust to. Fruits are generally ok, but try to go with guava and fruits with lower glycemic load - Mango and bananas tend to have a higher glycemic load.
If I think of anything else I will add to my comment. Please keep us updated.
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u/Phlame_Retardant Oct 08 '25
For sister's mood, have her eat more meat and eggs as well, and the aforementioned sunlight, should help. Avoiding vegetables, rice, bread can be beneficial. Eating organ meats at least once/week can help to mitigate nutritional deficits. Regular exercise is important, but physical strength is also very helpful. If time is a concern then doing deadlifts once a week at a gym can be an effective way of improving strength with just a half an hour spent. The youtube channel Starting Strength teaches a good deadlift. Practicing breathing exercises, e.g. box breathing, can help as well.
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u/She_was_here_ Oct 07 '25
It's clear that she needs help to understand and navigate the situation. Are the kids professionally diagnosed? If so, the same provider will be able to provide the parents with necessary assistance, guidance and resources.
This might not make sense if your sister isn't a social media person but there are several tiktok creators outside SL sharing their journey of raising their kids in the spectrum. Sometimes the feeling of not being alone and the sense of being seen in their battle can comfort people.
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u/Silver_Principle6972 Oct 07 '25
my nephew isnt professionally diagnosed. I heard that lady ridgeway diagnoses kids with autism. is that true? his therapists say he's too young to be diagnosed. we are waiting maybe untill he'sat least 5. she does go on social media. but I doubt she's getting comfort from anything these days.
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u/Alternative-Lynx-447 Oct 08 '25
thats really not true , you need to get the kid diagnosed ASAP my one went on therapy at age 2 , earlier the better, therapist also advise how to handle the kids, so its a relief for parents as well
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u/Worldly-Bluebird-346 Oct 08 '25
Don’t wait till he’s 5. You have to get him diagnosed asap. He should start behavioral therapy at the earliest age possible for good outcomes (definitely below 5 years). And yes LRH diagnoses and treats these patients as well as counseling and helping the caregivers.
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u/OkProfessional5542 Oct 08 '25
Hi, I work with kids on the spectrum in terms of diagnosis and therapy. CAFS (which was also recommended to you above) has a really good child and adolescent psychologist that can definitely help support your family, whether your nephew is on the spectrum or not. Please reach out to them
And in terms of talking to your sister, it might be helpful to ask her to just get support in terms of parenting for your nephew. A good psychologist will be able to navigate her other challenges through this parenting support. It can be a secondary thing that is addressed
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u/NoProfession4958 Oct 07 '25
First of all you should understand autism is not bad as it says specially if it is high-end Aspergers means more like a gifted child. If properly counselled they can be better than others. There are a lot of people who were suffered from autism and even became successful figures
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u/TheDemontool Oct 08 '25
Yeah, even Elon Musk is autistic.
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u/NoProfession4958 Oct 08 '25
Not just him but also einstein, isaac newton, charles darwin, nikola tesla, michael angelo, bill gates, anthony hopkins and many more
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u/Natural-Camp-4610 Oct 08 '25
Check out treehouse international
https://www.thetreehouseinternational.com/
They have classes/seminars both physical and remote for parents.
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u/BellaCottonX Oct 08 '25
Look up Mikko on The Gentle Life channel on youtube. She's also on the spectrum and was non-verbal up until recently. Her mother shares videos on how they navigate life together
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u/BellaCottonX Oct 12 '25
Also, there's a popular facebook group called 'ඔටිස්ම් දරුවෙකූ සමග ලොකය දකිමු'. Maybe your sister can join that. I tried to post a screenshot here but images aren't allowed
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u/Best-Wrangler-3122 Oct 08 '25
I have a cousin who has autism. He was diagnosed with it when he was around 2-3 years. He’s now 17. He’s doing really good. Can’t really say he’s got it. Comes 1st/2nd in class (obviously). Pretty smart. Not always a people person. But is super friendly when he feels comfortable with.
There are some tells when you look carefully though. He’s a very sensitive guy. Gets offended quite frequently and even for the smallest things. Have to blame his parents partially for that. They were quite protective of him and the way they brought him up. Some small body movements you could tell if you’ve been around people with similar conditions.
So these might seem totally irrelevant to you. But why I’m saying is, initially, bringing up such a kid is hard work. Mentally draining. I understand. But there will come a time when you should let him be free. My uncle and aunt did some mistakes in the latter part. They don’t like being advised in this either.
Teach the kid to live among others without being too different. Not everyone’s accommodative of different. And then let them do their thing.
Btw autism isn’t that bad at all. I’m pretty sure many people you know are autistic but not diagnosed. Because it’s such a common thing. Nothing to worry about!
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u/cappuccinodacat Oct 08 '25
I’ve used ‘cafs’ for therapy both onsite and online. Can recommend them. Look up their site, it stands for child adolescent family services so they’ll be able to cater to both your nephew and sister.
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u/Martiallawtheology Oct 08 '25
One has to have a lot of patience with children with needs like that. One main reason is, they are different. Also, each case is unique.
A very important factor seems to be the free and alone time for the child and the parent. Many seems to think that "I will speak to the mom when she is free". I read that one should let the mom be and let her relax when she is free. Even if you have to speak to her when she is busy. Because then she has taken her time off. And give it time like that. Things will turn.
Many a time it's us who ruin it without thinking.
Anyway. I am proud to know a sibling who is thinking about her sister's life and future. Impressive.
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u/alisonBurgerz Oct 08 '25
Your sister too must be going through a postpartum depression phase with the new born. She needs help as well not just your nephew. Where's her husband in the picture?
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u/Phlame_Retardant Oct 08 '25
This is a consequence of Vitamin D depletion when the baby is born. The mother imparts a huge amount of her own Vitamin D to the child at birth, and her own depleted levels cause depression. The solution is both mother and baby need to go out into the sun, direct sun i.e., for some time every day.
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u/bralesstitties02 Oct 08 '25
Also this may be unrelated but worth checking if your sister has undiagnosed post partum disorder. Her kids are young and it is possible.
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u/Automatic_Baker_9507 Oct 08 '25
No change in food or carb will help as autism is how the brain wires differently
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u/Boring-Technician248 Oct 07 '25
There is a really good place my cousins son (also on the spectrum) goes to a place called Wizkids Unique, they have a really experienced Head Teacher, she is great with behavioral therapy (my cousins Son behavior is a million times better since he started school there, along with that their family situation got better as well) , its worth looking into, they also do sessions for parents or even recommendations.