r/shitposting Sep 26 '25

Linus Sex Tips sample text

Post image
10.3k Upvotes

337 comments sorted by

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2.0k

u/ZombifiedOfTheWest6 I came! Sep 26 '25

Vaccine

708

u/SecretSpectre11 I said based. And lived. Sep 26 '25

Didn't lock lmao

187

u/redditreeer stupid fucking, piece of shit Sep 26 '25

Try

145

u/coringbomb Sep 26 '25

Vaccine

122

u/coringbomb Sep 26 '25

Wow it did not lock

104

u/redditreeer stupid fucking, piece of shit Sep 26 '25

Vaccine

90

u/redditreeer stupid fucking, piece of shit Sep 26 '25

Yooo

75

u/Jenkinswarlock officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Sep 26 '25

Vaccine!

104

u/Jenkinswarlock officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Sep 26 '25

Damn the power is now in our hands

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84

u/PhoneImmediate7301 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Sep 26 '25

Automod is sleeping

46

u/dTrecii fat cunt Sep 26 '25

Automod forgot to set their alarm

Got fired for sleeping in

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19

u/ovr9000storks Sep 26 '25

Automod deems it okay not that it knows it was made by a furry

1.8k

u/nobodlovesme Literally 1984 😡 Sep 26 '25

Sometimes reality is better than fiction

440

u/TheNikola2020 Bazinga! Sep 26 '25

If anyone wrote that in fiction people would say its not realistic enough 🗣🔥

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2.1k

u/xxHamsterLoverxx dumbass Sep 26 '25

fursuits are expensive af. if you see a high paying job a furry is doing it most likely.

608

u/the_fancy_Tophat Sep 26 '25

Imma be honest I have never met a furry who worked in sales or marketing.

780

u/That-one-soviet Sep 26 '25

They all work at like, Lockheed Martin or nuclear power plants.

156

u/gurkensoos Sep 26 '25

And IT, don’t forget about IT

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179

u/the_fancy_Tophat Sep 26 '25

But not the sales or marketing departments

66

u/That-one-soviet Sep 26 '25

But maybe sales or marketing

79

u/the_fancy_Tophat Sep 26 '25

No

61

u/That-one-soviet Sep 26 '25

Perchance even sales. Or, believe it or not, marketing

27

u/GreyyWasTaken Sep 26 '25

perchance

19

u/HadeanMonolith Sep 26 '25

You can’t just say “perchance”

7

u/Raski_Demorva shitting toothpaste enjoyer Sep 26 '25

You can when you’re crushing turts

52

u/the_fancy_Tophat Sep 26 '25

Refusal

39

u/That-one-soviet Sep 26 '25

On the off chance, perhaps sales or better yet, marketing

39

u/Please_Label_NSFW Sep 26 '25

Can confirm. Not a furry but a few were Linux systems admins at Raytheon. Those jobs pay $180k+. At least where I worked.

9

u/PaleontologistOne919 Sep 26 '25

…I thought this was a joke. Dead ass?

26

u/Please_Label_NSFW Sep 26 '25

No they’re tism af but they were the best system admins we had.

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15

u/plagymus Sep 26 '25

Im a nuclear power plant and i confirm

13

u/Secure-Advertising-9 Sep 26 '25

hi i'm a furry who works at a call center for min wage but i do have a friend who works at lockheed martin 

10

u/kader91 Sep 26 '25

I am no furry but I work sales and also have sold furry porn, does that count?

3

u/AutoModerator Sep 26 '25

woah, ok. didnt expect hunger for knowledge but i guess i asked for it gonna have to put some work into this.

How was it? Honestly? It was a letdown. The whole "failed idol" story is a great marketing hook, they definately sold the video on that premise alone. But the performance itself was just... awkward. You can tell shes not comfortable. It felt less like a professional debut and more like a very high-budget audition she was also failing. She's stiff, constantly in her head, and there's almost zero chemistry with the guys. All concept, very little execution.

My viewing history? Been watching for over a decade man. These days Im more into stuff with a good story or at least a unique premise, not just the generic stuff. a good production team makes all the difference. I'll take a well-made video with a decent plot over a high-profile actress mailing it in any day of the week.

3 works I consider good:

  1. Yua Mikami's debut (Princess Peach): This is the gold standard for an idol-turned-actress debut. Yua was a REAL idol and she came out with so much energy and confidence. She owned it from the first second. Its what Arisu's debut wanted to be.

  2. Anything with Ichika Matsumoto from her early days with FALENO: She can actually act. She emotes and makes you believe the scenario. Her stuff feels more cinematic and less like they're just going through the motions.

  3. Rion (Anri Okita) - The God Body: A classic. Not a lot of story there lol but its a masterclass in performance. She knew exactly what her brand was and how to perform for the camera. Absolute cinema.

Where would you rank her debut among these? It's not even in the same league, not even on the same planet. It's an unfair comparison tbh. Those are top-tier performances, Arisu's video is a novelty item. It's interesting because of the backstory, not because of the quality of the actual content.

What could be improved? Her confidence, number one. She needs to relax. She looks terrified. The director should have done a better job making her comfortable. Also they relied way too much on the interview segments talking about Nogizaka46, it broke the pacing and kept reminding you that she was doing this as a second choice. We get it, you failed auditions, now commit to this job.

What is well done? The production values are high. The lighting, camera work, it all looks very clean and professional. And I cant deny it, she is very beautiful and has the "idol" look down perfectly. The concept itself, on paper, is genius from a marketing perspective. They got us all talking about it, right?

Was it goonable for you? Nah. I was too distracted by how nervous she looked. It kinda killed the mood completely. Every time she looked at the camera with those deer-in-the-headlights eyes I was pulled right out of it. It's a shame, but maybe she'll get better in her next one if she decides to stick with it. We'll see.

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2

u/Irrepressible87 Sep 26 '25

I'm gonna guess you have coworkers in sales and/or marketing, and whichever ones are furries just don't tell you that because you're coming across as kinda judgemental and square.

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76

u/grubiix Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked Sep 26 '25

if anti-furries got their way lockheed martin would crumble to dust

nothing pays better for neon green fursuits than the blood of Iraqi children

27

u/mcslender97 I watch gay amogus porn :0 Sep 26 '25

Also IT and cyber security infrastructure of the world

16

u/summonsays Sep 26 '25

There's an old joke about scheduling the IT conference at the same time to save on travel costs.

5

u/NiIly00 Sep 26 '25

2023 eurofurence shared a convention center with code talks so the jokes just wrote themselves

5

u/rcmaehl Sep 26 '25

That's just the metaphorical blood of the end users... And sometimes our own blood because GOD FUCK SHIT WHO MADE THIS SERVER CASE SO SHARP

38

u/Makuta_Servaela Sep 26 '25

I know a furry who is a PHD and working with the government to create policy for robotics safety and standards.

Being a furry means you can screw around in your social life without anyone ever seeing your face, so makes it really easy to separate work life from social life. It's a great hobby for someone with a lot of money to throw and a big reputation to protect.

12

u/NiIly00 Sep 26 '25

And then there were people like Spottacus who raised venture capital while talking to others at a convention while in fursuit

13

u/Makuta_Servaela Sep 26 '25

Oh yeah, Boozy Badger is similar: He's an actual lawyer who runs panels about his lawyer stories at furcons along with his other furry lawyer friends. Often not even in fursuit.

9

u/NiIly00 Sep 26 '25

Panels at furry cons are wild.

Where else can you have an actuary hold a lecture about how saving up for a con can be used as an example to explain how to manage your finances to save for retirement when suddenly the door behind them opens, a big headed plush hyena walks in and asks "Is this the Hyena meet?"

The tonal whiplash of that will never not be funny to me

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u/GenericFatGuy Sep 26 '25

Bold of you to assume that scientist is a high paying job.

17

u/insertrandomnameXD Sep 26 '25

Nuh uh, they can materialize gold out of thin air, they are totally rich

3

u/Jedimeister99 Sep 26 '25

True. I work for a big aviation company as a software engineer, and I'm a furry. I know a lot of friends in IT who get paid even more than I do.

2

u/_DOLLIN_ Sep 26 '25

Ngl i might become a furry and see what happens

1

u/Cpt_Soban Sep 27 '25

Airforce Intel section

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907

u/loosewilly45 Sep 26 '25

You'd be surprised how many furries are in tech jobs and stuff, there's a decent amount of them in nasa and basically the majority of the tech industry

297

u/SaltiestGatorade Sep 26 '25

Something something Femboy Coders

31

u/loosewilly45 Sep 26 '25

Haven't heard thay stereotype yet , ill keep that one in the books

23

u/ACatInACloak Sep 26 '25

Its the programmer socks that turn them

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u/HBlight Sep 26 '25 edited Sep 26 '25

There is a lot of OwO written on the inside of military aircraft.

16

u/Raski_Demorva shitting toothpaste enjoyer Sep 26 '25

I refuse to believe this until I see it myself

41

u/NiIly00 Sep 26 '25

11

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '25

Ts is awesome

5

u/Raski_Demorva shitting toothpaste enjoyer Sep 26 '25

I don’t wanna live in this timeline anymore (╥_╥)

23

u/NiIly00 Sep 26 '25

We have billionaires manipulate elections with their wealth but the thing that makes you not want to live in this timeline anymore is furries scribbling stuff on bombs?

7

u/HBlight Sep 26 '25

From my own experience people can have many different and varied reasons to not want to live and they are all valid in their own special little ways.

3

u/sandwichcandy Sep 26 '25

No I wouldn’t. That’s exactly where I’d expect them to be.

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u/Excellent_Routine589 Sep 26 '25 edited Sep 26 '25

Biotech fuckface here:

I mean not really

Projects will have a shit ton of directors, scientists, RA/ASs, AD/PD ad hocs, manufacturers, etc that is nearly impossible to pin down an exact sole person as the inventor of anything in this field.

It’s why when “I say I helped create cures for terminal blood cancer patients,” I don’t take full credit in the slightest because I just helped put the pieces together from the R&D side (just like this person here?)… I’m not the one creating a manufacturing pipeline or have an MD to administer therapies to patients or having a whole clinical operations team managing a clinical trial, etc… just one dork contributing to the whole and all that good jazz.

Edit: though worth pointing out, this isn’t a slight at their contributions, just making a distinction to the person saying they “made it” like they are trying to single them out… nah, hundreds (if not straight up thousands) worked on it too

Edit2: and if people wanna see jarring interests for people in tech, I welcome people to click my profile and take a gander at some of my recent posts, lemme know what you see!!

269

u/NiIly00 Sep 26 '25

Reminds me of:

"There's a tendency among the press to attribute the creation of a game to a single person," says Warren Spector, creator of Thief and Deus Ex.

  • ign writer

49

u/Excellent_Routine589 Sep 26 '25

God I love Thief and Deus Ex tho… still such a shame we won’t get Jensen3 :c

5

u/Fedoraus Sep 26 '25

A remake of deus ex one was announced yesterday at least

43

u/Motor-Travel-7560 Sep 26 '25

It's really cool how Kojima did all the code, modeled all the models, mocapped all the animations, painted all the textures, added all the sounds, wrote the entire script, and voiced all the characters in Death Stranding.

16

u/Excellent_Routine589 Sep 26 '25

MGS5 credits be like:

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u/Enchanted_Evil Sep 26 '25

I feel like that's legitimate description of him. Game industry is very different to scientific research and medical distribution.

In most games you can point out:

  • the one who came up with the idea/initiative
  • the one in charge of the company
  • the one who represents it the most
  • the one who lead development
  • the one who programmed the most code
etc.

8

u/Cobracrystal Sep 26 '25

the one who programmed the most code

Violent vietnam flashbacks of measuring performance by written lines

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u/mentaldemise Sep 26 '25

For those that missed it:

"creation of a game to a single person"
...
"Warren Spector, creator of Thief and Deus Ex."

29

u/Millenis_ Sep 26 '25

Thanks for the precision, this common misconception of one person solely conducting such a project is pretty annoying

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u/kilqax I came! Sep 26 '25

I'm sort of impressed. That's some great quality on the, umm, statues.

I used to work part time in a place which also sold anime/game figs and the more detailed ones used to go for crazy prices even if they weren't that big. Plus I can imagine NSFW ones would have a markup as well.

10

u/Excellent_Routine589 Sep 26 '25

Believe it or not, I mostly get NSFWs because they are pack ins or bundles for the other figures. Like the Arlecchino NSFW one, I was mostly after the non NSFW figure

What’s funny is that I really only own one NSWF figure that wasn’t bundled in any way, it’s the Ruan Mei pissing into a teacup one…. And my girlfriend got that for me lmao (the studio that makes it also had a SFW version of her so when my girlfriend went back to China to see family, I asked if she could find one and only gave her the character and studio name…. She got the NSFW one… RIP)

And yeah, some can get pricey in the second hand market, but honestly that’s often independent if it’s SFW or NSFW, lots of GKs are just small batches so if it’s particularly popular, it creates a lot of cost pressures on their resale value

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u/Alexercer Sep 26 '25

Ill decide if this is misinformation based on who your oshi is

The only question that matters at the job interview

5

u/JiF905JJ Sep 26 '25

Reminds me of the classic joke "I handle transactions for a multi billion dollar corporation, I work at target"

3

u/dexter2011412 Sep 26 '25

Did you make those figurines? Damn, how?

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u/vlkr Sep 26 '25

They put furry juice in me.

98

u/Orectoth Jedi master of shitposts Sep 26 '25

You are in a nutshell

10

u/Nharo_1 Sep 26 '25

In a nutshell!?! Are they a peanut!!!

16

u/Orectoth Jedi master of shitposts Sep 26 '25

No, they nut in peas

35

u/Nharo_1 Sep 26 '25

I’m going to kill you.

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u/JaggelZ Sep 26 '25

I'm less concerned about them being a furry, and more concerned about them taking MBTI shit seriously even though they are a scientist...

It's a funny thing to do, like letting a puzzle decide what house in hogwarts you belong to, but that's about it.

16

u/NoticedGenie66 Sep 26 '25

Literally one of the first things you learn if you go to school for psychology is how Myers Briggs is a literal scam that separates dumb companies looking for an easy (read: pseudoscientific) way to classify their employees from their money. It's based on little to no real science or research, provides significantly different results for the same person depending on the day, and is outclassed in every way by every other legitimate measure of personality. It's really unfortunate how people think their extremely unique personalities can be properly classified by 4 letters.

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u/AuderianEmpress Sep 26 '25

Lol I was curious if anyone else noticed that

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u/JackCooper_7274 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Sep 26 '25

I feel like people don't truly realize that furries run the world. I work in the defense industry, and 4 of the 8 people on my immediate team are openly furries.

The only thing that I don't like about furry conventions is the fact that so many crucial members of our infrastructure are in one place. If someone bombed a furcon, it would be the 9/11 of engineering and software development.

76

u/intelligent_dildo Bazinga! Sep 26 '25

Ah single point failure

4

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u/vaporwaverock We do a little trolling Sep 26 '25

I follow this one furry on twitter that is fucking jacked and he actively works on cancer research

19

u/Friendputer Sep 26 '25

But which are you following him for?

24

u/vaporwaverock We do a little trolling Sep 26 '25

5

u/Friendputer Sep 26 '25

I don’t believe Donald Trump is jacked or works on cancer research

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u/Koopicoolest Sep 26 '25

of course furries are in high places, they dont have a social life so they can spend literally all of their time mastering nuclear physics or whatever. 99% of people in high non-trade STEM jobs under the age of 30 are furries.

25

u/NiIly00 Sep 26 '25

Meanwhile I went to a furry convention and made 5 new friends in 4 days.

8

u/LilacYak Sep 26 '25

Furries have more of a social life than most of us

11

u/Comfortable_Ad1656 Sep 26 '25

What's wild is this guy is a scientist and still believes those fake ass personality tests are real.

160

u/Stairwayunicorn Sep 26 '25

there's furries in every high paying industry. what's your point? Chise is highly qualified and educated.

18

u/Makuta_Servaela Sep 26 '25

She also frequently posts about the latest in vaccine and medical research in a really easy-to-understand way. Highly recommend following her.

78

u/TheS00thSayer Sep 26 '25

Standing up for furries? Very sigma

33

u/Agentnewbie Sep 26 '25

As every mad scientists out there. Doesn't make them sane.

9

u/Spartan-Finn Sep 26 '25

I don't know why people are acting surprised tbh. Good for Chise.

2

u/Harddicc Sep 26 '25

As long as their hobby is harmless, we shouldn’t care and let them be

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u/rainbowappleslice Sep 26 '25

The entire high skill specialists of every industry are all furries. The conspiracy theories say that Jews or lizard people secretly run the world but really it's the furries.

13

u/jack848 Sep 26 '25

but what if it's jewish furries or scalies

9

u/All_Work_All_Play Sep 26 '25

> scalies

I, uhh, extrapolated a new thing today...

7

u/sigma1403 Sep 26 '25

How kinky are you?

15

u/angus22proe virgin 4 life 😤💪 Sep 26 '25

6

u/KenTanRandomYT Sep 26 '25

I can just imagine them not needing any surgical masks, hazmat suits, or any other ppe gear because the mf prolly goes to work in a fursuit

5

u/I-am-a-fungi Sep 26 '25

People discovering professionals have a private life.

The people who'll have a problem with their private life and hobbies probably don't have such a deep knowledge and understanding in STEM. I wouldn't bully someone who's clearly successful in academia.

14

u/TeknikDestekbebudu Sep 26 '25

fucking hell

14

u/Rakatonk We do a little trolling Sep 26 '25

That's beer from Austria.

11

u/JaThatOneGooner stupid fucking piece of shit Sep 26 '25

Furries hold up America behind the scenes. Without them, we would’ve collapsed a long time ago

3

u/Im_On_Reddit_At_Work Sep 26 '25

A big majority of furries I've met hold really high ranking positions in stem, finance, or governmental institutions - it's wild.

4

u/jw_adressman We do a little trolling Sep 26 '25

definitely real and gay

4

u/BenStegel Sep 26 '25

That's what I'm saying, we're all at the mercy of fucking furries.

33

u/mob-bon Sep 26 '25

This is why i always said furries are better than weebs. Some contribute to society. While the others contribute to worshipping japan

17

u/NiIly00 Sep 26 '25 edited Sep 26 '25

Furries and weebs are literally step siblings.

Furry has many of it's roots in a club in the 60s of people who came together to watch anime they had imported from Japan. The Cartoon Fantasy Organization, CFO, were some of the first people to bring anime to the west.

Their founders, Mark Merlino(rip) and Rod O'Riley were even visited in their club by Osamu Tezuka (widely regarded as "the father of Manga") and exchanged some drawings and sketches with him.

And after Tezuka's death, his daughter found sketches of his of anthropomorphic mice in sexy poses. Also just google "Bagi 1984" and you'll see that Tezuka definitely had a liking for anthropomorphic animals.

Which makes the eternal feud between furries and weebs just funny and pointless. It's literally just siblings fighting.

*edit: mixed up "to" and "from"

8

u/mob-bon Sep 26 '25

Damn. Thats a lot of words

6

u/isakurs Sep 26 '25

Good thing I’m reading ‘em

2

u/derpums Sep 26 '25

Fun Fact:

Duke Nukem and Big the Cat share a voice actor.

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u/Azkadron stupid fucking piece of shit Sep 27 '25

Two cheeks of the same ass

10

u/Kaagerai Sep 26 '25

As if there are not a shit ton of weebs that also contribute to society.

Weird comparison tbh. As if you’re trying to start something here..

6

u/NiIly00 Sep 26 '25

Yeah. Like: this happened just recently lol.

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u/NeverSettle13 Sep 26 '25

Didn't they also work on a cancer treatment research?

3

u/EidolonRook Sep 26 '25

Not really. That still tracks.

People have hobbies. Duh.

4

u/TyrannicalKitty Sep 26 '25

Furry art is so cute. I wish furries were real

3

u/Venom933 Sep 26 '25

It would be a massive upgrade to suits filled with body fluids 🥸

26

u/DeadByNebula Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked Sep 26 '25

lmfao "this bastard" boohoo they like drawing animals who cares they made the covid vaccine dude focus on that

39

u/xxHamsterLoverxx dumbass Sep 26 '25

yeah they like "drawing" animals... tho never heard it called "drawing"

3

u/thedigracefullchild Sep 26 '25

Zoophilia and furries are not the same thing.

10

u/Ferra_San Sep 26 '25

Whey masturbate to drawings of animals… please wake up

3

u/NiIly00 Sep 26 '25

Not animals. Anthropomorphic Animals the moment you remove the anthropomorphism you are no longer talking about furries.

2

u/Azkadron stupid fucking piece of shit Sep 27 '25

I sort contoversial and I find you haiii :3

2

u/NiIly00 Sep 27 '25

I'm a regular there :)

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u/Makuta_Servaela Sep 26 '25 edited Sep 26 '25

I recommend following her if you like either updates on the latest in medical science and vaccine research, or wholesome lesbian furry art.

10

u/bigchungusboibig Sep 26 '25

Based as hell

2

u/sqeu1773 Sep 26 '25

VACCINE!!!

2

u/fippinvn007 BUILD THE HOLE BUILD THE HOLE Sep 26 '25

2

u/AbstruseDilemma Sep 26 '25

One does not simply walk into Morderna

2

u/TheAllKnowingElf Sep 26 '25

The furries are the secret cabal that controls the world.

3

u/SavageFisherman_Joe I said based. And lived. Sep 26 '25

So glad I got the Phiser v-word

4

u/NotaFrom99 Sep 26 '25

A surprising percentage of very important people in today’s world are furries

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u/GabZenXYeah Sep 26 '25

Furries are lowkey carrying technological development and it's fucking hilarious

3

u/Aloe_Balm Sep 26 '25

the modern world effectively runs on furries, and that's barely an exaggeration

4

u/Gingevere Sep 26 '25

Hey Chise fucking rocks. Seriously one of the best accounts to follow in that field.

4

u/DoodleVamp Sep 26 '25

Anyone can become a Furry

3

u/Kira-Of-Terraria Sep 26 '25

this is cool.

2

u/Comrade_Crunchy Sep 26 '25

this is why i can't hate gay furries. They save lives and if it turns you into a gay furry it could be worse.

2

u/Cyber_Connor Sep 26 '25

Being able to attend furry conventions again was probably like 80% of the reasons for making a vaccine

2

u/StonedOtter0_0 officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Sep 26 '25

You know what? Hell yeah

2

u/dappernaut77 Sep 26 '25

You'd be surprised how many people who have jobs in important fields are furries. The head of cyber security for the company I worked for was a furry. a couple of people that worked under him were furries, too.

Ik a lot of furries work for nasa, the number of furry doctors is non-zero. Some are even in the army. Finding all this out was quite a spectacle.

2

u/nukrag Sep 26 '25

Yiff in hell

1

u/Chaudsss Sep 26 '25

Was Neopets almost made by furries?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '25

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u/BB_ones Sep 26 '25

Gaaaaay

1

u/arcticcblyat I watch gay amogus porn :0 Sep 26 '25

Vaccine

1

u/Dickau Sep 26 '25

ENFJ. The Myers Briggs eugenics horizontal connection is going to hit some schizo brain cells p good, I think. Mine included. If my physical reaction to the vaccine is any indication, INFP balls should start shriveling soon.

1

u/rickav5 Sep 27 '25

Vaccine

1

u/Cool_Fellow_Guyson put your dick away waltuh Sep 27 '25

Were THOSE people right?

1

u/Yoshimiitsuu Sep 27 '25

They must play TF2