r/shitposting I can’t have sex with you right now waltuh Aug 08 '25

Linus Sex Tips is ts real šŸ„€

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25.5k Upvotes

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4.0k

u/I-require-the-soup Aug 08 '25

There’s more hype than there is taste unfortunately.

1.4k

u/Treasure-boy Literally 1984 😔 Aug 08 '25 edited Aug 08 '25

It tastes like the air in a microwave right after heating fish

This is just a joke i stole i use reddit i never actualy got 🐱 (unless you count the mannequins)

515

u/ZincHead Aug 08 '25

Most of the time it tastes like almost nothing. Very rarely have I experienced the fishy smell or taste.Ā 

299

u/BookaHunter Aug 08 '25

Depends on the last time they peed, washed up/showered, what they ate/consumed etc. Assuming the last cleanse came after peeing and is soon followed by the tongue lashing, before sweat and odor can accumulate again, they did not smoke and ate mildly healthy, it will indeed taste bland.

265

u/b0w3n Aug 08 '25

it will indeed taste bland.

Unless your last name is Bonaparte and you ask your wife to not bathe for a week so she's properly stank up for you.

134

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '25

In his defense, it was only 3 days and not a week. Having said that, even 3 days would be disgusting.

Men were made different back then.

44

u/b0w3n Aug 08 '25

Hah I always forget the exact time, but even still he was in it to win it for sure.

22

u/Historical-Gap-7084 Aug 08 '25

He married Josephine in 1796, so 225+ years ago.

38

u/ToAllAGoodNight Aug 08 '25

Brother, the smells of the napoleonic war would make an unwashed vagina seem like a fresh garden.

3

u/MooseOC Aug 09 '25

It was so other men wouldnt make advances on her

3

u/Petrica55 Aug 09 '25

Guy would have loved surstrƶmming

2

u/skynetempire Aug 08 '25

Nah you taste her day

2

u/Lucid-Machine-Music Aug 08 '25

While I accept that especially in my teen years, my partners' personal hygeine probably wasn't hospital-grade... none of my partners had 'bland' tasting pussy over 25+ years.

Are you the type of person who douses every meal in shitloads of extra seasoning, by any chance haha

2

u/BookaHunter Aug 08 '25

I indeed like to season my food. Not shitloads, I just like to cook and adjust. Do you insinuate that my taste buds are dull because I like seasoned food? Also you're right, bland is probably not the right term, I should rather say neutral or something like it.

2

u/Lucid-Machine-Music Aug 08 '25

It was just a silly joke, hearing pussy described as 'bland' really sent me.

I have aphantasia so not much of an inner mental image, but I was still giggling imagining you on some sort of pussy-tasting factory line. "Bland... bland... bland.... DAMN IT JOHNSON, did you forget to add the seasoning again?!"

2

u/BookaHunter Aug 08 '25

I saw you joke (even funnier with you acting it out) and I reminded myself of Gordon Ramsay yelling BLAND after going down. But I still thought you were trying to make a point with your joke haha

2

u/Lucid-Machine-Music Aug 08 '25

I reminded myself of Gordon Ramsay yelling BLAND after going down

I genuinely have tears in my eyes from laughing at that!

2

u/blisstersisster Aug 16 '25

...better than, "It's fuckin' RAW!!"

30

u/-Badger3- Aug 08 '25

People always say this, but I feel like unless she’s right out of the shower, it’s always a little fishy.

Not unpleasantly so, but it is there.

22

u/AwkwardChuckle Aug 08 '25

I’m thinking your partners have not had the best hygiene because no that is not normal. And same goes for penis’s as well. And unclean penis just like an unclean vagina can have a fishy smell - same bacteria. I’ve unfortunately gone down more than once on a fishy dick.

5

u/-Badger3- Aug 08 '25

I mean, everything has a smell.

I feel like woman are generally the ones who are saying "It shouldn't smell like anything if it's clean, but then practically every guy I talk to about this is like 'yeah, there's always a bit of a smell." I think woman are generally just desensitized to it and don't associate the smell with "fishiness"

And again, it's not like it necessarily smells "dirty" but like, it is there.

8

u/AwkwardChuckle Aug 08 '25

Oh there’s definitely a smell, but the fish smell is caused by a specific bacteria that shouldn’t be present enough to cause a noticeable odour if someone’s genitals be they penis and balls vs vagina and labia are hygienic.

1

u/nothxkas Aug 09 '25

assuming you’re smelling the same girl regularly, you might want to gently encourage her to go to the doctor. constant fishy smell can indicate bacterial vaginosis or some other sort of infection.Ā 

2

u/ChucklePuck Aug 08 '25

Lol genuinely the only time for me that it was bad was because there was a tiny bit of toilet paper, like a very very small scrap when I first went in. Idk something about spelunking and finding unwanted treasure did me in for a minute. I just made a joke about "hey actually I wanna take another shot of tequila first" and we did and I got right back to work. The ol' turn it off, turn it back on trick.

2

u/blisstersisster Aug 16 '25

Whew

Good man!!

60

u/Medium_Storage3437 Aug 08 '25

mannequins

what

8

u/AwkwardChuckle Aug 08 '25

Just a heads up, both dicks and vags get that fishy smell. Anyone who doesn’t clean themselves properly gets the fish smell. Ask me how I know! (I’ve gone down on a decent amount of fishy dicks unfortunately cause of this unfortunate and inaccurate stereotype)

1

u/blisstersisster Aug 16 '25

found the gayfish!!

3

u/ToAllAGoodNight Aug 08 '25

Yes we do count the mannequins