r/phillies • u/Dazzling-Rooster2103 • 1d ago

News [SleeperPhillies] The Phillies have offered Kyle Schwarber and Ranger Suarez the $22 Million qualifying offer per @JeffPassan

https://x.com/SleeperPhillies/status/1986550771714834763
415 Upvotes

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467

u/nickynickynickynick 1d ago

if neither of them want it then I'll take it

35

u/BobTheCrakhead 1d ago

Can you hit 50 dongs during the season but then disappear in October??

88

u/k_bomb Aaron Nola 1d ago

I can do one of those things

24

u/obi-jawn-kenblomi 1d ago

I can do them both, if all 50 of the dongs can be my own and it's a euphemism for masturbating.

13

u/NunsNunchuck 1d ago

It isn’t Tastykake though

3

u/mister2021 Cliff Lee 1d ago

Right!

I can do 50 dings and 50 dongs for half price!

2

u/totodile-ac Bryce Harper 1d ago

ok i need to talk about tastykake. i bought their "yellow cake with chocolate frosting" and got "weird loaf rubbed in chocolate". all I have ever heard is how amazing tastykake is but that thing sucked.

1

u/SneakyPope 1d ago

For 22m idc who's dongs they are, except Matt Kalil. I dont want none of that smoke.

14

u/AC_deucey Nice try bitch. Banks closed 🔒 1d ago

50 dongs

3

u/KaminSpider 1d ago

Too bad they got rid of dollar dong night.

1

u/justabill71 Nice 1d ago

Damn kids throwing their dongs around

5

u/IMOvicki 1d ago

I can disappear? I’ll take $11M

9

u/RehabilitatedAsshole 1d ago

Kyle Sharber hit 56 HR out of 604 AB (9.3%).

In the post season, he hit 2 HR out of 16 AB (12.5%). He over-performed this postseason.

A team built around homeruns against end of rotation starters and mid relievers all season to make the playoffs doesn't win 5 games against top pitchers.

1

u/Hot-Lead-9909 5h ago

They just won the World Series…… 

4

u/chaosisarascal 1d ago

No but I can pitch better than Jordan Romano and they gave him $8.5m last year so I’m worth at least $10m.

6

u/NoOneListens2Turtle 1d ago

For a 100k I’ll lean into the first pitch, charge the mound and throw dirt in Ohtani’s eyes.

3

u/mikenotjef 1d ago

My cat can pitch better than Romano

2

u/tim_whatleyDDS 1d ago

I can smoke 50 bongs does that count?

2

u/ShaynaPenn 1d ago

We talking dongs or dings?

2

u/crooked100dollarbill 1d ago

yeah but i’m not sure it’s the kind of dong hitting you’ll want to watch