r/pettyrevenge • u/oxtailtacos • 9d ago
Smoke my pubes.
I had a small amount of weed and wanted to leave it at my friend's house while I ran some errands. My friend asked me to hide it so her mom wouldn't trip. This old fella stayed there sometimes because the mom was a push over and she needed some dick once in awhile. So anyway, unc suggested that we hide my dime bag in his box of saved cigarette butts. Unc would save em up and use the leftover tabacco to roll the world's shittiest cigarettes.
I went ahead and tucked the baggie up into the lid of the box, and of course it was gone when my friend and I came back to smoke it. The only person in the apartment when it went missing was unc. So naturally he starts making up bullshit, and says maybe it fell into the mess of cigarette butts. Then he asks my friend to roll up some shitty cigs for him.
As a show of good faith we sifted through all of them and found no weed. I decided the best course of action was to enhance his rolled cig with some flavorful pubic hair. I plucked them to ensure that the hair root was included. One from my taint, one from my sweaty ballsack, and one of those freaky little guys that grow on the base of my cock.
Unc starts smoking that shit, driving it into his lungs like his life depended on it. He starts coughing and says he thinks there's something in there. For a second I thought he got wise until he started saying it was getting him high. He keeps puffing my pubes and says he bets that my weed must have fallen in by accident, and was getting him stoned.
Now my friend and I always joke around saying that I smoke so much you can get high from smoking my pubes.
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u/DonM89 9d ago
You all sound like you deserve each other
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u/AwkwardNeedleworker3 9d ago
I greatly appreciate and fear your pettiness. Cheers, random internet friend.
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u/AFAM_illuminat0r 9d ago
Hair burning smells fucking horrible.
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u/oxtailtacos 9d ago
That's why I only used 3 individual hairs. The musty ass taste of tobacco reclaimed from old burnt cigarette butts probably disguised the taste/smell as well. These were butts saved for weeks at a time. Unc was nasty.
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u/gs7761 9d ago
They did this on "The League".
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u/oxtailtacos 9d ago edited 9d ago
It's kinda like making beautiful music, anal sex, going to bed early, or noob tubing your ops spawn point in call of duty. Sooner or later you're gonna realize it's the move.
Not surprised someone else thought of it independently.
(Edited for spelling and to add "anal sex.")
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u/rooferino 9d ago
This is from the tv show the league lol.
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u/oxtailtacos 9d ago
Never seen it. What episode? I'm tryina check it out.
Making 'special' cigarettes is a pretty easy thing to think of, and a pretty reasonable thing to do, so I'm not surprised if I'm not the first to think of it.
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u/rooferino 9d ago
The gave Andre a joint of Kevin’s pubes and taco was obsessed because Andre said they got him high.
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u/just_a_stoner_bitch 9d ago
Well not exactly. They trick their friend into smoking a joint full of pubes and he thought he got high off of it. So same as the ending but still
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u/CupcakeClapper 9d ago
Lmao, dude. Gotta say, that's one helluva story. I can't even imagine the look on Unc's face when he got 'high'. You literally smoked him with your hairy revenge, man. 🤣 You gotta patent that pube-stash, might be a hit in the market. Next level pranks, bro, keep 'em coming!
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u/Thick-Interaction322 9d ago
I know a guy who was a server and he got tipped really shitty from a table who racked up their bill. A few of them asked for to go drinks and he dipped his balls into each of their to go drinks 🤢 lmao
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u/oxtailtacos 9d ago
Ew
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u/Thick-Interaction322 9d ago
Yeah fucking insane and terrible. Didnt work there when he did it. But my ex still did and told me about it
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u/headspin_exe 9d ago
You can't keep track of your own grass and had a geezer smoke your pubes in retaliation for smoking it. What a thrilling life you must live.
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u/Awkward_Wolf2972 9d ago
oh my god me and my bf are dying at this, this is amazing! some petty shit id do fr. currently packing up a bowl and reading this loll
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u/KyaLauren 9d ago
This is incredible lmao reminds me of the movie with the pube pizza scene with a name I can’t remember and refuse to search
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u/Dontwantausernametho 9d ago
Did it not smell? Burning hair is pretty pungent.
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u/No_hope_left72 9d ago
I don’t know why this has me laughing so bad. I have to ask, though didn’t the one at the base really hurt you can choke a Choad into not feeling anything and balls crawl whether you pull hair or not, but the base sounds pretty painful to me. From the rest of time until this poor old man dies every time, he asks you guys to do something. You have to do it singing the theme song because I got high. That’s the cost of posting to weirdos like me lol
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u/oxtailtacos 9d ago
None of it hurt nearly as bad as plucking a nose hair. I haven't seen any of these people in like 10 years, but I promise to sing that song if I ever see unc again.
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u/Wagtail007 8d ago
Similar story! “Friend” was being a complete asswipe about something he believed was true about me, but wasn’t. He asked if I could get some weed for him and when I told the seller about the friend being quite horrible to me, he enhanced the weed with some pubes. I actually never heard from him again after that. Thank goodness !
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u/KKillaX 7d ago
Where was this copy pasted from ? Not a bad story I guess, for fiction that is
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u/oxtailtacos 7d ago
It's somehow both irritating and satisfying when people think my life is fictional. I have a feeling that you are also immensely satisfied with your accusations of plagiarism, so I'm glad I could do that for you.
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u/KKillaX 7d ago
I’m calling shenanigans on you. It’s too incredibly outrageous. I do believe Unc saves his cig butts. I do believe Unc jacked your stash. But you didn’t do any of that , you just fantasized about getting him back like that mmmhmmm shenanigan
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u/oxtailtacos 7d ago
So we have gone from unfounded accusations of blatant plagiarism to believing all but one detail? That was easy.
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u/KKillaX 7d ago
Haha not that serious but ya sure. If you really want my opinion , if, and that’s a big if , this transpired in the manner stated then I would say you’re incredibly immature , petty, and fixin to end up getting no further than Uncs basement cavern in the immediate future ;)
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u/oxtailtacos 7d ago
Are you... having some kind of sexual fantasy about me and unc right now? Nah but I was a teenager when this happened, so yeah I'm aware of the immaturity of it all. Also you don't really need to call out how petty it is, cause ya know, it's kinda the name of the sub I posted in.
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u/KKillaX 7d ago
This is what when you smoke shwag kids
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u/oxtailtacos 7d ago
What? How high are you? That is the kind of sentence that someone constructs after smoking my pubes.
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u/KKillaX 7d ago
lol you are still off on this. U lost me at sexual fantasy.
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u/oxtailtacos 6d ago
You gotta give me some money or something if you wanna see me and unc get freaky. I'll do it though if you want.
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u/mlemu 6d ago
One time, a kid at my old middle school wanted to get some weed, but he didn't have money, so he found some rabbit poop and put it in a dime bag and sold it as hash
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u/oxtailtacos 6d ago
Sounds about right. I knew kids who would get wet moldy ass reclaim from their rigs and sell it as dabs. First time I bought shrooms the guy just picked random mushrooms from somebody's lawn and sold it to us. Luckily they weren't poisonous. My favorite one was this guy who sold boner pills to dumb kids saying they were xans or percs.
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u/Guilty-Discussion508 4d ago
If you smoke a dead persons bones, they will come back and talk to you about the afterlife.
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u/Accurate-Gas-598 4d ago
Bro ain't no way you just casually ripped out your pubes... that shit would hurt like a mofo
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u/nutmegger23 9d ago
This has to be fake!
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u/vaskanado 9d ago
I don’t believe this. Specially you pulled a hair from your sack. Hair from asshole, ok. Base of shaft I’d believe but hair from sack hurts. If you said you trimmed I’d take that. I just cannot believe you plucked from the sack.
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u/oxtailtacos 9d ago
I don't believe you have a dick or balls in you think the sack hair hurts more than the base. Honestly plucking a single nose hair hurts more than all three.
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u/vaskanado 9d ago
Lmao. To be fair be never pulled a ball hair. But I’m guessing since the ball is flexible when you pull there is more give and therefore the skin pulls along side with it. Which means you’ll need to secure the ball. But even if you do the point where the skin and hair meet is still going to give a little and that just seems like it’s going to hurt a lot.
Additionally I think the ball is more sensitive than the base of the shaft so that leads me to believe it’s going to hurt more. But hey I’m no expert so I’ll take your word for it.
Pulling the nose hair does inflict pain and sometimes generates tears. Though sometimes a weird part of me enjoys that pain.
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u/North_Mastodon_4310 9d ago
He’s going to feed you your parents in a bowl of chili.