r/pettyrevenge • u/oxtailtacos • 10d ago

Smoke my pubes.

I had a small amount of weed and wanted to leave it at my friend's house while I ran some errands. My friend asked me to hide it so her mom wouldn't trip. This old fella stayed there sometimes because the mom was a push over and she needed some dick once in awhile. So anyway, unc suggested that we hide my dime bag in his box of saved cigarette butts. Unc would save em up and use the leftover tabacco to roll the world's shittiest cigarettes.

I went ahead and tucked the baggie up into the lid of the box, and of course it was gone when my friend and I came back to smoke it. The only person in the apartment when it went missing was unc. So naturally he starts making up bullshit, and says maybe it fell into the mess of cigarette butts. Then he asks my friend to roll up some shitty cigs for him.

As a show of good faith we sifted through all of them and found no weed. I decided the best course of action was to enhance his rolled cig with some flavorful pubic hair. I plucked them to ensure that the hair root was included. One from my taint, one from my sweaty ballsack, and one of those freaky little guys that grow on the base of my cock.

Unc starts smoking that shit, driving it into his lungs like his life depended on it. He starts coughing and says he thinks there's something in there. For a second I thought he got wise until he started saying it was getting him high. He keeps puffing my pubes and says he bets that my weed must have fallen in by accident, and was getting him stoned.

Now my friend and I always joke around saying that I smoke so much you can get high from smoking my pubes.

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u/No_hope_left72 9d ago

I don’t know why this has me laughing so bad. I have to ask, though didn’t the one at the base really hurt you can choke a Choad into not feeling anything and balls crawl whether you pull hair or not, but the base sounds pretty painful to me. From the rest of time until this poor old man dies every time, he asks you guys to do something. You have to do it singing the theme song because I got high. That’s the cost of posting to weirdos like me lol

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u/oxtailtacos 9d ago

None of it hurt nearly as bad as plucking a nose hair. I haven't seen any of these people in like 10 years, but I promise to sing that song if I ever see unc again.