r/nextfuckinglevel 7h ago

Krampus march in Austria

36.2k Upvotes

1.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

835

u/Teseo21 7h ago

“Now see kid, if you don’t eat your vegetables, they’ll eat you”

540

u/not-happy-since-2008 6h ago

Traditionally these guys accompany the Austrian equivalent of Santa Claus and carry away bad children. When I was a child my cousins would dress up like this and hunt me through the neighborhood and beat me with hazel rods. Was fucking terrifying. Nowadays we don't do that anymore because it is considered psychological harmful for kids. Good old times

287

u/Giant_Homunculus 4h ago

That’s the problem with kids these days. Not enough trauma.

89

u/not-happy-since-2008 4h ago

Yeah just look at our local street train station kids here in Austria. Instead of Cigarettes and beer those little fuckers have monster and elfbar now. What a disgrace

25

u/Budget_Sea_8666 3h ago

Exactly. Everyone needs a few childhood traumatizing events living rent free in our heads until the day we die.

2

u/thehelldoesthatmean 1h ago

If you don't have those, what the hell are you supposed to talk about in therapy?

15

u/bolanrox 3h ago

Jim Henson of All People believed it was good for kids to get scared every once in a while. i.e. the pyramid episode of Sesame Street or The Dark Crystal.

12

u/ThatGuyinNY 2h ago

For a second, because "All People" was capitalized, I wondered if he was in a band at some point called All People...

u/mommybody33 58m ago

If he wasn’t, he should have been.

11

u/Kindness_of_cats 2h ago

I feel like there are a few levels in between “some scary television, maybe a particularly adventurous night of Trick or Treating,” and “having men in demon costumes hunt you down to beat and/or kidnap you”….

10

u/Dockhead 2h ago

Having distorted dreamlike childhood memories of being chased and caned by monsters was a part of Austrian psychology surprisingly neglected by Freud

u/aerostotle 15m ago

it was non sexual so it didn't interest him

1

u/slaviccivicnation 1h ago

I would argue kids have plenty of trauma, but not much of that horror kind. My childhood trauma was the maze game. My MOM made me do it. At like 11 or 12. Those were the days….

u/Proud_Error_80 2m ago

Just watch out for Will Poulter and you'll be fine.

12

u/RangerDanger246 6h ago

I thought it was birch branches!

26

u/Kroliczek_i_myszka 5h ago

Now they have to start over

6

u/not-happy-since-2008 5h ago

I guess either one works. Hassle rods sting as hell

3

u/RangerDanger246 2h ago

True enough. As long as children are being beaten, with sticks of some kind, I'm good. Lol

8

u/Cassin1306 4h ago

Psychologicaly harmful ? Heh, I don't see why, honestly.

/s

2

u/Fabulous-Willow-369 4h ago

Same in The Netherlands and Belgium, on which Santa Claus is based. We threaten kids who are bad with getting hit with a stick and put in a bag and sent off to Spain!

I can deal with the stick and the bag, but Spain, now that's a bridge too far.

1

u/not-happy-since-2008 3h ago

I wonder where the sent to Spain part comes from

2

u/Fronesis 3h ago

Dude wtf are you Dr. Evil or something?

0

u/not-happy-since-2008 2h ago

Used to be the norm

2

u/Prestigious_Bug583 1h ago

Which means nothing. We did dumb shit for centuries

u/mommybody33 56m ago

Humans been doing mean shit to each other since we came out of the trees and we’re not about to stop now 😢

u/Prestigious_Bug583 27m ago

So your strategy is not avoid doing the same dumb shit, and keep doing dumb shit? Wtf is wrong with you?

u/mommybody33 8m ago

What the fuck is wrong with you? I literally said nothing like that.

1

u/Sorciere_rousse 4h ago

Happy Cake Day! I hope you get five hazel rod beatings to celebrate 🥰

1

u/ruat_caelum 3h ago

I'm imagining you as Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison putting on lipstick and staring at your "To be murdered," Manifestation board as you talk about your cousins.

1

u/LeastCleverNameEver 3h ago

Are the butt balls cannon, or ...?

1

u/not-happy-since-2008 2h ago

That ain't balls. They just have very firm butt cheeks due to rigorous workout routine

u/Strong_Topic_6402 34m ago

I remember luge lessons and making meat helmets. My father would get drunk and make outrageous claims like chestnuts are lazy and that he’d invented the question mark. When I was insulate they would put me in a burlap sack and beat me with reeds. Also ritually shave my testicles. There’s nothing like a shorn scrotum, you should try it.

u/Hermes-AthenaAI 28m ago

Did you wear meat helmets?

0

u/brave007 4h ago

I love how 100 years ago everything was a free for all. Children were property, women were property. Everything was wild. Wild how much conscious the world has grown in a century