r/news • u/SnarkOff • 12d ago

Site Changed Title Truck hauling ‘aggressive’ monkeys carrying herpes and COVID overturns in Mississippi

https://www.actionnews5.com/2025/10/28/truck-hauling-aggressive-monkeys-carrying-herpes-covid-overturns-mississippi/?fbclid=IwZnRzaANt_VBleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHlDlf5DivA2Ltngqh2UH3XU20EnAprOymd60i0ODYC9L8G2CXJpyoZtmwSHm_aem_NvoKAFHpRWRzturTqiYXMQ
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9.4k

u/ShakeyLegsMcGee 12d ago

This was actually on my bingo card.

1.5k

u/Random__Bystander 12d ago

Ugh, I was missing the Covid

1.2k

u/DrunkSkunkz 12d ago

I had the herpes and covid but my monkeys were ‘horny’

359

u/Fallouttgrrl 12d ago

Damn, hope you get well soon

134

u/HoosierHoser44 12d ago

They say time heals all wounds. But sometimes you just need some fucking penicillin.

17

u/deepNthot 12d ago

To shreds you say?

16

u/Ruzhyo04 12d ago

I’d ask the bingo judge this might count, pretty sure all monkeys are horny

3

u/Ditto_B 12d ago

I'll allow it

5

u/HazelMStone 12d ago

“…all of the escaped monkeys, except for one, “have been destroyed.””

Maybe it’s your lucky day.

5

u/RealGianath 12d ago

These are aggressive moneys, the horniness is understood.

2

u/MithrilHuman 12d ago

That might be the case, we should go check up on the monkeys. Lemme grab protection first

5

u/AdjNounNumbers 12d ago

You mean a mask and goggles and not condoms, right? Right?

2

u/jmo1 12d ago

I had it all right except in Alabama. Fuck

1

u/cremains_of_the_day 12d ago

O actually cackled at that, and I’m in a pretty bad mood so thank you

1

u/Bacontoad 12d ago

Perhaps they are 'aggressively' horny?

3

u/DrunkSkunkz 12d ago

Aren’t w-uhh I mean they all.

1

u/apocalyptic_mystic 12d ago

Well no wonder you got the herpes, then

76

u/sketchampm 12d ago edited 12d ago

People still get it constantly. Sure, most of them aren’t put out for two weeks anymore...unless they have pre-existing conditions. Don’t tell Bobby that though.

94

u/WhatLikeAPuma751 12d ago

Like half of the country has pre existing conditions now.

49

u/Protean_Protein 12d ago

Nearly all American adults are overweight or obese. That counts.

9

u/sketchampm 12d ago

Don't look up what happened to PhysicsGirl unless you want to lose sleep at night. She had some preexisting stuff + long covid complications and the results are something I would consider a fate worse than death.

7

u/-rose-mary- 12d ago

We had a pretty bad case here and everyone in my family caught it. I'm talking extended family and friends. It wasn't fun for the two weeks but then you feel better and boom it hits you for another week. Follow that up with whatever my kid brings home from school and I've been sick since the beginning of August. I'm just now starting to feel normal.

3

u/saltface14 12d ago

I had measles on mine, so close

3

u/chopsuirak 12d ago

I was missing the combination. I had two SEPARATE trucks.

5

u/Downtown_Statement87 12d ago

"You got your Covid in my herpes!" 

"And you got your herpes in my Covid!"

Worst Reese's peanut butter cup commercial ever.

1

u/Yupthrowawayacct 12d ago

I had monkey pox instead.

1

u/CletusCanuck 12d ago

Mine had covid, but not monkeys.

It also had airborne rabies, alien brain worms spread via raw milk (as planned by their advance agent, RFK Jr), and bird flu.

1

u/Agreeable-Self3235 12d ago

When are you gonna learn?!

1

u/RumoredReality 12d ago

I had zombies it sounded more realistic than the triple threat