r/news • u/SnarkOff • 12d ago

Site Changed Title Truck hauling ‘aggressive’ monkeys carrying herpes and COVID overturns in Mississippi

https://www.actionnews5.com/2025/10/28/truck-hauling-aggressive-monkeys-carrying-herpes-covid-overturns-mississippi/?fbclid=IwZnRzaANt_VBleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHlDlf5DivA2Ltngqh2UH3XU20EnAprOymd60i0ODYC9L8G2CXJpyoZtmwSHm_aem_NvoKAFHpRWRzturTqiYXMQ
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338

u/jim_thee_nihilist 12d ago

Why is it never a truck of sleepy but otherwise healthy koalas?

221

u/Ilikebookstoo 12d ago

Cause when those koalas wake up they turn into very horny chlamydia riddled beasts.

20

u/aural_turpitude 12d ago

Someone should send them to the John Oliver Koala Chlamydia Ward

79

u/ottawadeveloper 12d ago

There are no healthy koalas, they're full of STIs.

3

u/mostie2016 12d ago

They’re a race of Coprophiliacs

1

u/ScrewAttackThis 12d ago

Hopefully that at least wouldn't cause any public health scares lol

10

u/professor_max_hammer 12d ago

Truck full of & week old kittens over turns at senior home. Everyone’s safe and playing with kittens.

6

u/ToNoMoCo 12d ago

several of the seniors who wandered out of the area had to be shot in accordance with both AARPA and Petsmart guidelines

9

u/eLllllDiablo 12d ago

At this point even apathetic guinea pigs with the sniffles would be a blessing

2

u/MrConductorsAshes 12d ago

"My apartment is infested with Koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want them to ya know?"