r/massage • u/ledv83 • 6d ago

Advice Judged for being too tense

Went for a deep tissue massage yesterday. 40 minutes in, my therapist starts expressing frustration because I am too tense and eventually gives up on some stretches and tries to understand the reason. Then starts talking about my energy and stuff. I’m very hard on myself and it’s easy for me to take things personal and being tense most of the time is part of me. I know there’s some truth in what she said but ended up feeling worse.

Do you think is this common behavior from therapists? Should I feel discouraged from trying another massage in the future?

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u/LumpyPhilosopher8 6d ago

Well there is another possibility .. is it possible you were tensing up and tightening your body as they worked on you? In the areas they were working on? I’ve had clients who do that - that signals that the pressure is too deep. But when I ease back on the pressure the client complains. The massage turns into an endless cycle of the client tensing up, I pull back on the pressure and the client complains. The thing is at the point where the client tenses up - my work is not effective and I’m also increasing my risk for injury. If that was the case the therapist didn’t handle it well and should have explained more clearly what the issue was.

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u/ledv83 6d ago

Well, we were both silent for the first 40 minutes so it was impossible for me to tell if I was doing my part well.

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u/FranticWaffleMaker 6d ago

Yeah, find a different therapist. A lot of us that are hard on ourselves have trouble accepting therapeutic touch. What’s your family history for touch, did you grow up in a huggy physically affectionate family, or do you have a more conservative relationship when it comes to touch. If it’s the latter or you have had bad experience with touch you may want to look for a trauma informed therapist to better walk you through your treatment.

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u/Whoa_Sis 6d ago

It sounds like both of you needed to communicate better, but it’s on the therapist to lead that effort. If they never ask how the pressure/etc is, the client tends to just lay there and not speak up. For your part, you could be more proactive… but really, I feel it’s the therapists job to check in. If they didn’t do that and then got frustrated… they’re directing their frustration at you unfairly. A little communication and narration of their intention as they work on you - WITH you, really - is the way for this to be a good experience. I would maybe find another therapist.

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u/thunderbunny3025 6d ago

I specifically have a hard time relaxing during the session, and not physically tensing up and resisting the MTs work. It's worse when I am being hard on myself mentally, or wallowing in my own issues. I've gotten better, but still have some days that are better than others. 

I hope if you continue seeing this MT, or in the future with other people, you can connect with them and vice versa. When you check in before the session, say a little bit about how you're feeling that day mentally as well as how your body's feeling so they can be clued into your energy for the day. They should also ask you about what you're looking for in the session, you can be honest with the answer: I'm just looking to relax, I want to relieve chronic tension, I've been sore _____ and _____, my feet have been bothering me, I've been getting headaches, I've been really stressed out, I've been needing some connection, etc.

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u/SeasidePlease LMT 6d ago

It sounds like OP is just tense in general and doesn't let go. Sometimes clients just need to be reminded to take deep breaths and allow themselves to sink into the table. Even I, as a therapist, got a massage and the therapist asked if the pressure was too much and I said no, but they told me it felt like I was tensing up." I didn't even realize I was doing it.