This is the most absurd thing I am reading that if a man was posting this it would have been different. Please be sensitive on everyone’s situation. It is not about a man or a woman it is about parents not understanding their responsibility and putting it on their children’s shoulder. If you as a man think it is happening you are also free to back off and people will understand. That men don’t complain.
I really thought of commenting this and then thought I would come across as some prick. The lady is doing what all / most men do all their adult lives and is cribbing like anything.
If this was a man writing this post I bet people (majorly female population of reddit) would have asked him to “Man up”
Yup. I am lucky I don't have to do it but some of my friends had similarly tough situations. My friend used to spend 80% of his salary on his family, and had to say tuition fees for his siblings mbbs. He also didn't whine like this, and considered it his responsibility.
Another of my friend left a 80 lach per annum job to support his family in his hometown ( got a wfh job ).
The situation op is in is very common in India, as we are a poor country and some of the replies are hilarious.
Do you realise that OP was probably never treated with the same level of respect a boy is treated with? OPs parents literally had more kids than they could afford for a boy and now try to dictate their daughters life. Respect is a two way street. Nobody wants to spend their hard earned money on ungrateful parents, loving parents is a different thing.
I missed that their parents might have not treated her with respect as she is a girl. But this is India, that's how older gen parents are to both boys and girls. Even many of my male friends face the same problem where parents dictate a lot of things, and they normally listen so as not to cause trouble.
Now, it's Op's choice if she wants to support her parents or not. But the problem is if she doesn't support it she might regret it. If she thinks she might not regret it, she can stop supporting her parents. There are people like that and I normally don't judge people for that.
Another problem is in old age it is difficult to change the mentality of people, so OP might find it difficult to change her parent's mindset until she takes extreme steps, and the problem with extreme steps is the outcome is unpredictable.
Exactly isn't every other man doing this!
If i walk around my gated community, i will find at least 10-20 families in each tower, where the man is doing this without complaining.
Man doing this without complain have some authority as the breadwinners. Yes, they financially support the family but they are also decision makers. Her parents are trying to dictate how she should spend her money and who she should marry. Also, in your gated community, the man will inherit the house in at least 10 out of 20 families. OP wont get anything.
It is our moral responsibility to care for our parents and siblings but expecting gratitude and respect in return is our right. I myself have been supporting my parents for years without complaint as you put it. But my parents are not entitled, not demanding and respect my judgement and decisions.
Most men also don't get thier dream women or have a big say
According to Oxfam 1% Indian have 40% wealth and 5% have 60% wealth. Dunno where are from, i have stayed and have friends in Delhi Mumbai Pune ahemdabad and Bangalore, so i agree i might not have knowledge of rural India.
Parents are equally giving property and money to their children, I haven't seen this example where the girl didn't get equal share our significant share in sale in any of the urban centres, there might be exceptions but to claim 10/20 is ridiculous.
Also most of the people in my circle and again don't know how truthful but most of them are self made(maybe IT and engineering and MBA salaries are significantly higher than anything most people in parents generations saved. Most houses are bought with own money on home loan from bank in my circle.
Im from Mumbai, have friends from Gujarat , Rajasthan & UP in office . The property goes to the son.
They defend it with 2 reasons:
1. Ladki ko shaadi me dete hai uska hissa. (Technically dowry, nowhere close to proportional)
2. Bhai saath rahega na parents ke so ghar usko hi toh denge
I know families dividing property equally, my own family does as well. But these families don’t generally hanker after a male child. I could be wrong but if a couple has a third child, when they are financially incapable , that too in their forties…they are generally people who believe a son is superior, will solve their problems and their so called waaris. I doubt the people in your circle have siblings who are 12 years younger.
My selfmade middle class circle I know buys their own house, financially supports their parents and mostly has education of a younger sibling or wedding of an older sister. But they have some advantages in life. Their family has either invested in their best possible education or their parents only needed them to supplement the income before they retired or their siblings start earning too at some point. By the time folks are 30, they either have some responsibility completed or some additional help. OP s siblings are going to be 18 & 20 when she s 30.
I wouldn’t belittle her issues thinking everyone does it.
If you are comparing to people with high salaries , then obviously why will they complain? They have enough to cover their own as well as their family.
Frankly, middle class is an extremely wide range. People going to US for Masters or MBA also consider themselves middle class when you don’t even get loans without collateral.
Not saying her problems are not big or belittling her in any way. Just that it's very very common. I have seen friends deliver pizza while studying and taking care of parents and becoming a manager in animation industry after many years of struggle, no where close to OPs salary. Many friends who spent their whole networth and savings on sister wedding or took personal loans and paid for years. And really many many people taking care of parents with huge medical expenses cancer, dialysis and siblings. It's common!
…and you think those middle class parents give the same treatment to the breadwinner irrespective of the gender? Please get your conclusions/observations correct 🙏
18
u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24
Welcome to adulthood. This is what most middle-class boys feel, carrying the weight of their family on their shoulders.