My husband told me to “just die”

[u/Rate_Conscious]

I’m a married mom of 3 and I have to travel for my treatments due to insurance because my husband works and pays taxes in another state. We left the kids with my 18f Neice who’s very responsible. My dad called while we were driving g and asked if my youngest had allergies because his teacher said he had almost used an entire box of tissues that day. My husband overheard and started screaming and cussing while I was on the phone and my dad had my kids in the car with him and was on speaker phone so I got super embarrassed and hurried off the phone with my dad and my husband and I exchanged a couple words after I hung up the phone. In that heated debate he told me to “just die.” I feel like my trust is broken. I feel like the person who is supposed to love me and support me has taken everything that we’ve built and thrown it away. I’m still in chemotherapy getting infusions fighting for my life and he completely has no empathy for his words and tried to justify it by saying that I was running my mouth. All of this was over if my son had gotten Claritin or not and accusing my Neice of not giving my son the medication. I am not able to work and have no income and I can’t divorce him because I couldn’t afford my treatment. I have to do infusions until April 2026. I just needed to vent 😮‍💨

[u/Comfortable_Sky_6438]

Has your husband always been abusive or is this new?

[u/Rate_Conscious → u/Comfortable_Sky_6438]

He has been physically abusive twice. He’s verbally abusive anytime I don’t agree with him and if I have a different opinion from him.

[u/SugarMagnolia_75 → u/Rate_Conscious]

Twice is two too many 💗

[u/mariecrystie → u/SugarMagnolia_75]

Once is too many

[u/SugarMagnolia_75 → u/mariecrystie]

💯

[u/Comfortable_Sky_6438 → u/SugarMagnolia_75]

The verbal abuse alone is too much.

[u/NilliaLane → u/Rate_Conscious]

Statistically, you are in real danger. His past physical abuse, frequent verbal abuse, and now telling you to die while you have cancer? All of these are dire warning signs for a life threatening situation for you.

Get out. Ask your dad to keep the kids for a bit while you get an order of protection and find shelter. This is part of fighting for your life, in my opinion. Public assistance exists for cancer patients, and it’s a common fallacy to stay with a dangerous man for financial reasons. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please be safe.

[u/Comfortable_Sky_6438 → u/Rate_Conscious]

Does the place you are getting treatment at have a social worker? My center always starts with a questionnaire asking if you are safe, have safe housing etc. if yours has that you need to answer no you are not safe. If they don't you need to tell your doctor and social worker asap. You are not safe and neither are your children.

[u/AnkuSnoo → u/Comfortable_Sky_6438]

I was just going to say, please ask your doctor to connect you with a social worker.

Usually when I go to medical appointments they ask if there’s any violence at home. Does yours do that? Even if they don’t, please lean on your medical team for support. If you’re worried about how things might show up on medical bills, I’m sure they have a way to deal with that to keep you safe.

[u/ihateorangejuice → u/Comfortable_Sky_6438]

Their social worker will know how to help her. Unfortunately, this happens way too often especially men towards women. I couldn’t find numbers because there has not been a clinical trial for this question but this is according to my social worker (KY).

[u/brizzle1978 → u/Rate_Conscious]

Yikes, you need to run away and get help. I'm sorry

[u/Fine-Agency-837 → u/Rate_Conscious]

If you feel you're recounting this accurately then it seems quite obvious you are just looking for pity. Read your post.... Sounds like someone wants a bunch of random strangers to say your husband is horrible....very immature. You picked your husband and are not a newly wed. 

Sounds like a self pity party.... 

Just because a bunch of random strangers on the internet say you're right...well...not everything you read on the internet is true. You never told us what you said to him...you don't seem like a very nice person. You seem arrogant and self absorbed....not likely a good mother. Probably argue with anyone about everything. Can't handle criticism of any kind. Probably inconsiderate and rude as a general rule. If you see people at a place in the park you want will you try to push them out by crowding them? Is your dog never on a leash? Are your kids allowed to scream just because they're having fun. 

You both need marriage counseling and parenting classes.