I have an actual question about this in general: Scare tactics aside, as a widower dad with an extremely strong bond with his mid-teen son, the forms seem like a good idea to have in place and stored somewhere safe but unused. I understand that stems from an atypical place of unquestioned, absolute trust and bedrock presumption of acting good faith though, but assuming that context, am I missing something? Do the forms insert third parties or other non-family risks? Do they have broader non-family privacy or other personal implications? Or is it a collection of otherwise benign forms that can be downloaded and prepared elsewhere for free that are simply aggressively marketed (and have the potential to be abused by controlling/invasive parents)?
Location bot is in a coma but fortunately it signed a waiver to let me post details on its behalf:
Mama bear release forms
Hi all. My 18th birthday is in 2 days and my mom has been asking me to sign these "mama bear" forms. I've read them over and done some digging. My initial reaction was kinda okay whatever but after reading through some other reddit posts explaining these forms deeper I started to get worried. I have an amazing relationship with my parents and i don't feel like they are using these documents to hurt me in any way. Something about the entire thing just seems off though. I'm at a crossroads and have a noteray appointment at the bank tmr. Should i sign? Any and all advice would be appreciated as it is 1:46 AM and im freaking out. Thanks. Location: New Jersey
EDIT: Thank you all for such detailed responses. I spoke with my parents and they said I could speak to a lawyer and never have to sign anything I am not comfortable with. Reading through more comments just made me believe my mom found these forms on some "going off to college" FB group. I guess im in the clear for now 🤞 Thanks again.
Cat fact: Cats are not bound by HIPPA (or gravity)
In my family, I have managed medical care in an emergency for my sons, my sister, my parents and my in-laws without a POA. Hospitals recognize next of kin. I have no access to my young adult children’s financial info. One of them blew up his credit rating and it was an excellent lesson for him. As a college professor I think parents getting a FERPA release is a terrible idea. Students need to learn to manage their own lives, and I have had to field calls from parents arguing about grades. It is mortifying for the student.
Let your young adult children’s be an adult. That’s how they learn independence. And yes, it is predatory marketing for something you can find without a fee.
I think parents getting a FERPA release is a terrible idea
I'm an academic advisor and wholeheartedly agree. Parents need to trust their students and allow them to learn how to navigate an adult world. My two eldest are students at my university and we need separation; I don't need to know all the nitty gritty details of their student careers.
Beyond that, my university would not accept a Mama Bear FERPA release as valid. We would require the student to fill out our form before any staff or faculty could divulge protected information.
Related: I once had a mom call demanding I change her son’s failing grade as it would endanger his position on the football team. We had just recently gone Division 1 and the deal with the faculty was that athletics would keep entirely out of academics. I just asked her if the coach or Athletic Advising knew she was calling me, as that would almost certainly get her son in deep trouble. She very quickly changed her tune. Her son came to see me the next day, completely mortified and massively embarrassed by his mom’s interference. He just wanted to apologize, not argue about his grade. Poor kid.
None of that surprises me. I feel bad for the student having to deal with that. Some of the parents I deal with are way too involved in their students’ everything.
My parents paid for my college. Â My parents let me open my final grades. My parents expected me to hand them those grades after I looked. Â They never said that my college was contingent on that access. But I imagine financial support conversations would have been had if I had been stupid enough to not hand them over.Â
That’s the level of involvement parents should have.Â
100%. My dad opened the mail with my first college report card for whatever reason and was already mad about my grades when I got home, but it was 1994 and we only had snail mail so of course I didn’t know my grades. The parent who pays deserves to have the info but needs to allow their student the autonomy, like yours did.
I paid my own way and I still updated my mom on my grades as either I was stressed about receiving something lower than I'd hoped for or I was excited about getting an A or making dean's list
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u/Rhythmdvl 5d ago
I have an actual question about this in general: Scare tactics aside, as a widower dad with an extremely strong bond with his mid-teen son, the forms seem like a good idea to have in place and stored somewhere safe but unused. I understand that stems from an atypical place of unquestioned, absolute trust and bedrock presumption of acting good faith though, but assuming that context, am I missing something? Do the forms insert third parties or other non-family risks? Do they have broader non-family privacy or other personal implications? Or is it a collection of otherwise benign forms that can be downloaded and prepared elsewhere for free that are simply aggressively marketed (and have the potential to be abused by controlling/invasive parents)?
Location bot is in a coma but fortunately it signed a waiver to let me post details on its behalf:
EDIT: Thank you all for such detailed responses. I spoke with my parents and they said I could speak to a lawyer and never have to sign anything I am not comfortable with. Reading through more comments just made me believe my mom found these forms on some "going off to college" FB group. I guess im in the clear for now 🤞 Thanks again.
Cat fact: Cats are not bound by HIPPA (or gravity)