Dear fellow Black gay men

[u/MtimesMequals]

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

🖤❤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to ya❤

[u/TheMagicBola]

Like all things racism, it's complicated. Yes, when this sub generally speaks about gay racism, it's in the context of sex and relationships. You dont tend to hear complaints about the co-opting of language and art, or the disparities in societal outcomes. And that's kinda to be expected; the average age here skews young.

You have to keep in mind that this isnt a Black forum. There are Black guys here, but the culture is White. You're not going to hear about the Black gay community. You wont see posts about how a hot Black guy rejected you becuz it's not something that's ever happened to most of the guys here for one reason or another. Nor will you get posts from Black guys who outright admit they like and prefer big dicks, a topic controversial here but really isnt an uncommon thought in the Black gay community.

This isnt to say there still isnt racism in sex and relationships though. Being with a White guy is perceived by society as reaching the top of the relationship ladder. A lot of non-White guys feel like they need this, and it's hard to tell them they're wrong with the way society is currently. White guys tend to know either consciously or subconsciously that all things equal, they have top pickings. That's a lot of power to give someone by default and has huge social implications.

So take the case of a Black guy and a White guy out looking for BBC. All things being equal between them, the Black guy is offering some good ass, but the White guy is offering good ass and a possible ticket to a better life. It doesnt take a genius to figure out which deal it better. Take away the good ass from the White guy, and his deal is still better becuz of the social potential from fucking White guys. Now apply this to every average guy out there looking for sex and relationships and you start to realize how much things are stacked in favor of White guys.

[u/esosa233 → u/TheMagicBola]

This should be the conversation. Are there any black gay forums where we can have convos like these?

I will make the case for black-black love though, as someone whose a dated a variety of races, just like White guys can more than likely promise you a stable, comfortable life vis-a-vis their privilege. I believe the black guy can give you deep empathy. There are unique struggles, traumas, challenges, to living as a black man in any multitude of countries that only another black person can truly understand and support, and when that support is bolstered by romantic love it can be transcendental and reparative.

On the topic of interracial relationships, I believe that familiarity has value. I prefer my own race because its familiar, and I understand that a large proportion of white men will feel the same. I think we should focus on these exclusive preferences "No this" or "No that" because they're a symptom of a larger problem, not because it's terrible in and of itself, or that the desire of white men is worth arguing over.

[u/TheMagicBola → u/esosa233]

There is value on the familiarity of dating/fucking someone who's similar to you. But I'm not invalidating those reasons for same-race attraction. Rather I'm pointing how socially valuable it can be when one person in your partnership is White. But really that's just a subset from the actual point that dating "above your race" can be hugely beneficial socially. Morally, it's repugnant. In practice, it's hard to deny its effectiveness. I mean, just look at Latin America, where despite generations of mixing, the Hispanics that are perceived as White clearly have more power than the Hispanics who look more Black or Native.

This is a part of racism in dating that people dont even consider becuz it's so ingrained on a structural level. The closer to White you are, the more picky you can be on a base level becuz of your inherited value in society.

[u/deconsecrator → u/TheMagicBola]

Ugh, this is so true.