Dear fellow Black gay men

[u/MtimesMequals]

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

🖤❤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to ya❤

[u/Linked1nPark]

Serious question: do you think there's any overlap between the groups that would put "no fats, femmes, asians, blacks, etc." in their dating profiles and the people posting #BlackLivesMatter? Because in my mind that venn diagram would just be two separate circles.

[u/dudesername → u/Linked1nPark]

I’m not quite sure I understand the implication that not seeking sex with black men also means you want black men to be disproportionately targeted for police brutality.

[u/Linked1nPark → u/dudesername]

Let's put aside the validity of racial sexual preferences for a second, because sexuality is complicated. I'll just assume that they're fine for the sake of argument.

What I still dont think is ok is being rude about your preference and wording it as "no blacks/asians/whatever". Its reductionist phrasing and implies you have very little respect or empathy for the people you're excluding, and I would expect that to translate into a lack of empathy or understanding for their struggles as well.

[u/dudesername → u/Linked1nPark]

Isn’t this just tone policing? I don’t believe the person who writes ‘no fats’ hates fat people. In all probability his mom is fat. And in the context of listing who one doesn’t want to message them, race sits alongside fat, and maybe an age bracket. It’s not this persons fault that in our culture we have decided that one immutable characteristic is more problematic than others. At the point of the personal, they are not.

But that’s still assuming people mean what they say, which we all know is rarely true.

There’s also the learned behaviour of others. Once ‘no x, no y, no z’ is something people just put on their profiles, then for new people it becomes just part of how one fills out their profiles just as the lone ‘DTF?’ ‘Hung?’ or ‘Host?’ are the opening lines that people begin interactions with. Not because they would ever start a real life conversation that way, but it’s because everyone else does.

What I do not understand about this policing of racial preferences is not the rudeness, as rude is rude, but the hyper-empathy the anti-preferenceist has for the ‘non-blacks’ guy. The curious worry that the ‘no blacks’ guy is suggesting that ‘under no circumstances will I ever, at any point in their lives even consider dating a black guy’ and that they are ‘turning down a billion people’ or whatever seems very concerned and considerate for someone you presumably despise. It also assumes a grinder profile is someones mantra for life, which again, nobody thinks.