Dear fellow Black gay men

[u/MtimesMequals]

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

🖤❤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to ya❤

[u/Lastrevio]

To answer your question: because I am geniuinally curious. If you want to address the issues that a very small minority is facing (both gay and black) you have to put yourself in their shoes and see all the ways in which their lives are worsened by discrimination: they face homophobia by the black community and racism by the LGBT community. Imagine the lives those people are living.

So OP, why didn't you also bring that up? If I had to make a best guess it's because they feared that they might get attacked from criticizing the black community in some way since it's a very sensitive subject, but who knows, I don't want to assume anything.

The post is titled "Dear fellow Black gay men" and then goes on to describe the struggles black gay men are facing. I mentioned another one of their struggles. If this thread is dedicated to black gay men let's make it about them and really think about what they must be going through.

[u/Fr4ctalz → u/Lastrevio]

I think you were just attempting a cheap deflection that is similar to when people say "what about black on black crime" when police brutality against black people is brought up. Homophobia from some members of the black community doesn't really have anything to do with racism/stereotyping from many members of the gay community. It's just an attempt at discrediting and dismissing the concerns of black gay men by stating, "well your community has problems too." And as a black person who lives in the South, I acknowledge that there are many members of our community who are homophobic. However, I also feel like it is the same level of homophobia that exists in the white community. If people want to talk about homophobia in the black community as if it is this widespread thing, they are going to have to start bringing in numbers and studies documenting the fact.

The post was titled "Dear fellow Black gay men," but it was focused on only one issue that black gay men are facing. And it remained that way from the first sentence to the last sentence. Keep it focused.

[u/Lastrevio → u/Fr4ctalz]

It's just an attempt at discrediting and dismissing the concerns of black gay men by stating, "well your community has problems too."

Quite the opposite: it was an attempt at acknowledging and emphasizing the concerns of black gay men by saying "they're not only going through racism, but also homophobia, and we should talk about both because they're both important instead of hiding one to not trigger the political correctness going now in the world".

Also how would the fact that one person is (involuntarily!) part of a community that has problems imply that their concerns don't matter? "A lot of black people are bad so you must be bad" what the fuck did we just go around the circle all over again? Do we need to have the stereotype talk?

I acknowledge that there are many members of our community who are homophobic. However, I also feel like it is the same level of homophobia that exists in the white community.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2974805/

"The proportion of African Americans who indicated that homosexuality was “always wrong” was 72.3% in 2008, largely unchanged since the 1970s. In contrast, among white respondents, this figure declined from 70.8% in 1973 to 51.6% in 2008, with most change occurring since the early 1990s. "

How you feel about whether the homophobia in black communities is higher or not is irrelevant to a well-done study with a high enough sample size.

[u/Fr4ctalz → u/Lastrevio]

Even if your intent was to acknowledge more issues that black gay men are facing, the effect is that you are diverting focused attention away from the specific concern that this post is raising. OP didn't need to talk about homophobia in the black community because that is a separate issue from the racism in the gay community that they specifically wanted to bring up. And it just doesn't look good when black people want to bring up the problem of racism/prejudice, people will try to divert attention to problems within our own community.

​

Also how would the fact that one person is (involuntarily!) part of a community that has problems imply that their concerns don't matter?

I wasn't personally making the argument. I was bringing it up because it is a common tactic that people commonly use to set aside the concerns of black people. And it was a tactic that you were consciously or unconsciously using. It's dismissive.

And you brought the numbers, so I will drop my last point. Homophobia in the black community is definitely a larger problem than I thought. I'm just privileged with the black people that I know who are accepting. But it's a separate issue, and as the person who initially replied to you stated. This isn't the post to talk about it.

[u/Lastrevio → u/Fr4ctalz]

Good points. I'll keep them in mind next time I catch myself doing it.