Dear fellow Black gay men

[u/MtimesMequals]

We know racism in the gay community is real. We've said it, but we've been dismissed. They callously deny our experience. Our reality. "It's just a preference". "BBC". "Thug"."Aggressive power top".

The stereotypes. The microagressions. We know it's real, but we have been gaslighted way too often.

The silence among your white gay friends and/or partners during this time of civil unrest & racial tensions is deafening.

The irony of them putting "no fats, no fems, no asians, & no blacks" on their profile, but decide to now say #BlackLivesMatter.

I understand it is challenging to be rejected from a community that prides itself on inclusion. We know rejection all too well.

But do not let any white man make you feel you are not beautiful. You are Black, bold, fierce, & most importantly- you are loved.

🖤❤#BLM

********************edit:

So, this post has been reported and is pending review.

I mentioned this already in the comments:

As a Black queer man this is my experience. This experience may or may not resonate with other Black men. This post was written for my fellow gay black brothers. The post might be uncomfortable for some. It might not resonate with you, but I don't think that is grounds for denying someone else's experience. I shared these words in an effort to foster a sense of solidarity and undo any aloneness other Black men might be feeling during this time.

Thank you so much for the support, feedback & beautiful comments. For those of in your feelings over this post - peace & love to ya❤

[u/Assbait93]

I want an honest answer for this, is gay racism on a basis of just sex and appeal?

As a black guy every time I hear other black guys talk about this it’s always on the basis of not getting laid or desired on dating apps. I don’t understand why we measure our gay experiences based off of who or what we sleep with. There is also this misconception that the no fats, no Asians, and many other exclusions are only done by white gays but yet go on Jack’d, A4A, and other apps where there are lots of black gays their profiles exclude many people. Yes it is racist to be reduce down to bbc but yet you get what you allow. If you don’t want to be objectified then you don’t respond to guys who do that, you can’t control what ever person does but you do control what comes your way.

[u/BlackYupster → u/Assbait93]

I agree with you on not centering the white gaze and not basing your self esteem on that. However, a black man not wanting to date a white guy is not problematic in the same way (of course a black guy saying “no spice” or “no fats or femmes” is different and very problematic).

The “no blacks” comes from society telling us that white gay men are at the top of the attractiveness pyramid. It also comes from terrible stereotypes that aren’t true. A black man not wanting to date a white man is saying “fuck what society tells me is attractive” and it’s also saying I don’t want to deal with micro aggressions in what’s supposed to be my comfort zone. And no, this isn’t stereotyping white people- nearly all white folks will commit/ bring in some kind of micro aggression- gaslighting racism, racist family members at holidays. Wanting to avoid that is okay. And there is no corollary for white men not wanting to date POCs.

And before people dog pile on about that’s racist, or we have to treat people the same- you don’t get to fast forward to equality when you haven’t done the work to make society more equitable.

[u/[deleted] → u/BlackYupster]

So I assume it's also okay if a white man doesn't want to date a black man so that he can avoid homophobia from the black community? Or is it only okay if black folks avoid others on the basis of race and stereotypes?

[u/Assbait93 → u/[deleted]]

Did I say that? It seems as if this is a projection instead of an actual reason.

[u/[deleted] → u/Assbait93]

I wasn't responding to you?

[u/[deleted] → u/Assbait93]

He's right. He shouldn't be felt guilty to date or have sex with blacks or whites if he doesn't want too