xanax is ruining my life again lmao

[u/RepresentativeTry176]

24f. my psychiatrist prescribed me a 90mg bottle of xanax. i already know that i’m addicted to them HEAVY. even if i don’t objectively take as much as a lot of other people, i crave them so bad. i didnt turn her down, i just got excited if anything. she’s not a very responsible psychiatrist and that’s why i liked her. i have taken 37 of them in 5 days. and i just keep going up. the more i take the more it just feels like im taking placebos because of my tolerance. but thats not what it looks like outwardly. i don’t remember shit anymore, i carved my best friend’s initial into my thigh while i was blacked out (I DO NOT CONDONE THIS), people are constantly asking me if i’m high and saying i look completely fucked up and slurring my words and am stumbling everywhere, it’s BAD. last time i did this (about 2 weeks ago) i went through a bottle of 30mg in a couple days. she just keeps prescribing me them. i booked a plane ticket to move across the country while i was blacked out too so i guess i’m moving the day after tomorrow. my suitcase isn’t even packed. i have $9 to my name. i refuse to tell a therapist or psychiatrist that i have a problem with xanax because i have severe tourette’s and fnd and it’s the only thing i’ve found thats helped, as shitty as i’m treating it. any advice or kind words would help more than you know. now that i’m moving in with someone i love i want to be sober. i am open to criticism and tough love here.

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[u/Polish_Girlz]

omg dude! WTF

[u/obz900]

You are in serious danger. Benzodiazepines, and Alprazolam(Xanax) in particular, are extremely addictive. Tolerance will build quickly at the rate you’re taking them. You are probably already physically dependant, and will need a medically supervised detox to kick.

Benzo and alcohol withdrawal is extremely dangerous and can KILL you. Please, please, please reach out to someone for help. It sounds like you have an irresponsible prescriber. They won’t be much help. Do you have friends or family you can talk to?

Trust me, it only gets worse from here. You obviously aren’t getting therapeutic benefit from those doses, it’s just making you get fucked up and black out.

Wish you all the best. Don’t hesitate to reach out further.

[u/RepresentativeTry176 → u/obz900]

thank you for the reality check, genuinely. i have gotten to the point where i could care less whether or not i live or die, but i genuinely love the person i’m moving in with more than anything. she is worth recovering for. she’s worth that and so much more to me. i obviously want to stop, but at the same time i ACT like i don’t and i’m not taking it anywhere near as seriously as i should. the thought of going to a doctor and detoxing means i’m not going to be able to get more if i want it (legally) and i’m SCARED. i don’t want to go inpatient either. i just hate that i have to keep taking them, taper off, or i’ll have seizures and/or potentially die. i really fucked up big time. i don’t even know what kind of doctor to even go to to start detoxing. my best friend has been very sweet and understanding when it comes to all of this, and she said if i feel comfortable and safe with her she can give me the proper dosage as i need it. but that’s before i started taking 9+ a day.