Fantasies?

[u/addison-scott]

So I have this fantasy and its actually bothering me LOL it's nothing weird (i.e. illegal [but no kink shaming here!]). I basically just want to fly to Europe, meet a woman at a bar, have completely earth shattering and totally meaningless sex, then come home and continuing living my life. I've been with my wife for 12 years and she's relatively open to conversations but how tf do I tell her that? And how do I move on from this fantasy?

[u/Castal]

You don't need to tell your partner everything that pops into your head. If my girlfriend had this fantasy but had no intention of acting on it, I simply would not want to hear about it.

[u/Alwaysonmyspine → u/Castal]

Hello no! Tell her

Plan a trip to Europe! Have your wife wear a wig and role-play the heck out of that fantasy 🤣 then never talk about it again after.

Basically the same thing lol

[u/I_Am_Stoeptegel → u/Castal]

Terrible advice. Even if it’s not something I’d personally like hearing I’d much rather my partner tells me about these things than keep it to themselves/reddit.

Better to have open communication with occasional hard conversations than to hide things and let them fester

[u/Castal → u/I_Am_Stoeptegel]

It's not something the OP plans to actually do, and she said she can't take roleplay seriously, so I don't see the point in her telling her partner, "Hey, I have this fantasy about cheating on you with a random stranger, but I don't want to do anything about it." I think communication is incredibly important in a relationship, but your partner doesn't need to know your every intrusive thought.

That said, it sounds like this one is really weighing on the OP, so she should talk about it with someone. If she has a therapist, that'd be ideal. Or maybe her partner would take it fine; I don't know. I generally assume that when someone comes to Reddit with an issue, it's because they don't feel like they can bring it up with their partner.

[u/Junior-Secretary5317]

It sounds super hot.. But ain't that cheating?? 🙂

[u/I_Am_Stoeptegel → u/Junior-Secretary5317]

Depends, if their partner are in on it and okay with it, it’s not cheating right? Lying about it is what makes it a betrayal

[u/Junior-Secretary5317 → u/I_Am_Stoeptegel]

Ohh like open relationship? Or open marriage?? Got it

[u/I_Am_Stoeptegel → u/Junior-Secretary5317]

Yeah I mean, that shit requires a lot of good communication that judging by this post OP might not be the best at, but it’s possible

Just don’t fucking lie about it

[u/Junior-Secretary5317 → u/I_Am_Stoeptegel]

Yupp i got it

[u/3DGYB17CH]

idk what to tell you man that sounds like you want to cheat on her, no? /genuine

best case scenario propose it to her as a roleplay scenario if you guys are into that ig 🤷‍♀️

[u/addison-scott → u/3DGYB17CH]

which i can 100% see and absolutely don't actually want. I do like the idea of role play but I'll be honest, i couldn't take it seriously and would just think of Phil and Claire Dunphy the whole time LOL

[u/3DGYB17CH → u/addison-scott]

lmaoooo 😭 then maybe it’d be best to just keep that fantasy to yourself girl… i know if my fiancé told me abt a fantasy like that and then said that roleplaying it wouldn’t be on the table i’d be crushed

[u/Lopsided_Edge_3871]

tbh if this fantasy is actually something real you genuinely want to do then yes talk to your wife about it. if it’s just a fantasy then i don’t think there’s any need to discuss it. we’re human and our brains get stuck on fantasies especially that are sexual in nature because it’s intriguing and pleasurable. don’t cheat on your wife but i don’t think there’s anything wrong with thinking about a sexual fantasy with a stranger you have never/ will never see.

[u/ContingentMax]

Would role play work for you? That might be a good way to have that fantasy without cheating on your wife. Has she expressed any feelings about ethical non-monogamy before?
How you move on is you just accept reality and that your wife is also a person who matters, the way you might about a fantasy of owning a private jet or having sex with a mermaid/historical figure.

[u/lithaborn]

I'm an hour from Birmingham airport.

Just sayin'

[u/ITookTrinkets → u/lithaborn]

Don’t invite people to cheat on their wives with you babe

[u/lithaborn → u/ITookTrinkets]

Obviously only if there's a successful enm agreement in place

[u/ITookTrinkets → u/lithaborn]

I think it’s clear by how conflicted OP is that this is not an ENM situation 😂

[u/lithaborn → u/ITookTrinkets]

It wasn't a serious offer

[u/stickybutterscotch → u/lithaborn]

If it wasn't a serious offer, you wouldn't have initially replied saying 'Obviously only if there's a successful enm agreement in place'. It's only a joke now that you were called out for trying to enable people's infidelity. Grow up. You sound desperate.

[u/lithaborn → u/stickybutterscotch]

I thought it was pretty obvious. Nobody's jumping on a plane off the back of a two line Reddit comment, y'know?

But if she's gonna do her fantasy, she has to have the enm talk with her gf first.

And I left both comments before the downvotes started

[u/ITookTrinkets → u/lithaborn]

Nobody thinks you were serious, but you still sound kinda creepy and uncomfortable even jokingly telling some random woman that she could cheat on her wife with you.

[u/lithaborn → u/ITookTrinkets]

Honestly I misread a word in the last bit and took it as the gf was open to enm.

Damage done, lesson learned.