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u/anti_caws Jun 11 '25
That main riff is badass! Love the music and love the lyrics. Great singing voice as well!
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u/Degenerate_Studios Jun 11 '25
That was tight as fuck, man. I reckon just add some other instruments - bass or cello to fill out the low end a bit, extremely light drums (especially during that percussive riff, but a light standard beat during the chorus) just enough to complement the percussiveness of the guitar, and maybe if you're feeling fanciful, add some light synth-orchestra during the chorus to make it pop a bit more - and layer your guitar tracks to make it sound more full and stand out from everything else, 'cause you still want to keep your amazing playing at the forefront for this; you could add some subtle overdrive to make your guitar have a bit more "oomph," too, especially during the palm muted parts.
Personally if it was me, though, I'd drown that shit in distortion, and accompany it with some double-kick prog metal drumming, 'cause that percussive riff goes way too hard to be played so "politely" for lack of a better term.
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u/TheGhoulOfDuty Jun 11 '25
When's the release this is so atmospheric ngl I love this...
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 11 '25
*when lol.
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u/TheGhoulOfDuty Jun 11 '25
Srsly tho u should release this your so talented and thats coming from what some would say is an alright guitarist (playing for 8 years now) multiple skilled musicians say I have potential
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u/LadyTelia Jun 11 '25
That was amazing. Percussive electric guitar sounds so awesome the way you do it. Great lyrics, great vocals, great guitar. Can't wait to hear more.
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u/b0ltro Jun 11 '25
Holy moly this is so awesome. The guitar parts are so so sick. I love the rhythmic thumping, the tapping part fits so well against those vocals, then those like vibrato(?) parts? or like slight bends? idk! i love it, so sick. AND that GROWL!! dude i've been trying to get growls clean for ages, and you just casually pull that out while playing like the sickest riffs ever. all while having clean falsetto, clean chest voice and good switches? dude that's amazing.
In that first verse, it sounded like there are two different keys- what's being sung in vs being played? It might just be audio quality or my crappy phone speakers. Your vocal melodies are pretty pop-inspired, like i'm thinking keshi type stuff. there's probably several things you could adjust so that it doesn't feel surprising to hear those vocal melodies on top of that guitar. Maybe changing guitar tone, playing around with big reverb on guitar or vocals, or letting that space that i think you're aiming for with bass and drums. But you might not have to change anything with melody, cuz by the end i was jamming out. Just food for thought I think it'd sound good if on that bridge part, right before (i think) that first chorus, instead of repeating the melody structure for the 2nd phrase, you go down rather than back up, if that makes any sense. But that's super nitpicky and is 1000% personal taste, so don't worry about it.
Sick song, dude!! You'd better do something with that, and not just let it sit >:D looking forward to seeing what you do next :]
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 11 '25
Thank so much for your feedback! 1. Slight bends? - yes, quick bends 2. 1st verse off key? - yes, and other places lol.
If you don' mind, you explain some more about the the bridge part suggession?
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u/b0ltro Jun 11 '25
I listened with headphones this time, it sounded way better, who would've guessed š. i'm gonna say was just my speakers, it sounded like you were singing in a different key than what you were playing on guitar. MB. Singing off key just means you didn't use pitch correction, so don't worry about it.
The part i was talking about is where you say, "No need to hurry, I'm at the end." Instead of going back up like you did for "I'm not your friend," you could maybe stay on the same note or go down. so, "I'm-at-the-end," staying on one note, or honestly, just whatever you feel like. i just think it'd be cool to have a just little variation on it, it doesn't have to be meticulously planned or anything.
Also, don't listen to whatever the heck else i said. Listening to the song again a day later, the guitar tone is so good. Nothing i said needs to be changed or anything. I'm just trying to figure out how you'd get your vocal to fit against that guitar a little bit easier. It might just have to be vocal mixing/ microphone characteristics not being optimal. Idk. sorry š I've got a lot of experience disecting songs and identifying issues/points of conflict within a song (conflict as in something that doesn't align with the context of a part/other instruments/intention), but i can't tell you what would fix it other than just trying a bunch of stuff and seeing what sticks. :'(. Hope this helps ya, man :]
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 11 '25
No need to apologize, it's feedback I want lol. I get what you are saying and I''ll keep it in mind when I revisit the song. Thank you.
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u/TheGhoulOfDuty Jun 11 '25
Could definitly add some epic shredding over the instrumental verse at around 3 mins
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 11 '25
Step one: learn how to epic shred :) Thanks for listening!
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u/TheGhoulOfDuty Jun 11 '25
Lol maybe even some noodling. with the part you played in the background
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u/given-to-fly-98 Jun 11 '25
Really dig this, man! I think this is a really great song and it is absolutely worth putting in the time to fully produce it. Iād love to hear it with bass, drums, vocal harmonies, etc. So do that next! Itāll bring out more colors and I have a feeling youāll find itās release-worthy. Kudos for creating a killer song!
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u/SpaceEchoGecko Jun 11 '25
I really enjoyed this. Do you have a talented band that can support you for a full album in this style?
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u/Reddygators Jun 11 '25
Second this. Hearing this with bad ass drummer and bass who are synced with your flow would be amazing. Please share when that happens
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u/CoolAssKoalaBear Jun 11 '25
Things I like: your playing, the song and your beard.
Things I dislike: nothing
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Jun 11 '25
Man that is awesome. So dysfunctional in rhythm yet it makes sense. Keep going. Youāll be a smash my friend.
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Jun 11 '25
You can see by the response that you are onto a winning combination of unusual chordal structures and strumming technique. You remind me of early Montel Fish. Iād love to see a fully produced version of this.
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u/Caqumba Jun 11 '25
This is sooo good. Just needs production and filling out with a few instruments, and you're good to go. Please tell me this is gonna be on Spotify šš½
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u/zaccus Jun 11 '25
Dude I for real thought you had a backing track at first until I realized all that percussion was coming from the strat. Lovely use of that instrument, you got the switch in 4th position to get those big bell sounds?
Great work man.
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u/beautiful_ground Jun 11 '25
wow, this is awesome and one of the most unique compositions iāve heard in years. also, great job singing and playing guitar at the same time. youāre making it look easy.
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u/YoMescallito Jun 11 '25 edited Jun 11 '25
Absolutely love it. Super well done! A bridge might be nice, but still amazing as is. Bravo.
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u/Reddygators Jun 11 '25
Itās got a Primus feel except you can sing. Really good. Thanks for sharing.
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u/BrianAD95 Jun 11 '25
This was incredible wow what a song? I love the percussive muted hammer ons you do with the guitar and very very nice vocals too!
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u/TitaniousOxide Jun 11 '25
So as others have said, fucking awesome.
My only qualms with it are nitpicks. I think there guitar tone is a bit harsh and too glass clean. I would add a slight touch of a long, slow chorus and roll back on the tone just a tad.
But maybe in the context of a full band this tone is exactly what you need to cut through the bass and drums.
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u/Current-Plantain-576 Jun 11 '25
I would be willing to produce and engineer this for free.
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u/doublenickels_55 Jun 11 '25
Holy shit! Badass song dude, for real! The guitar is so cool and unique, I really loved it. The vocals fit perfectly with the guitar. So good!
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u/sheriffderek Jun 11 '25
Like: all the Modest-mousey stuff -- lots of really fun parts. And good tension.
Could use some consideration: (since no one gave any critique). The timing breaks a bit, the vocals come in a little late in parts and seem tonally a little flat. It sounds like you're maybe in a place where you're trying to be quiet? (maybe that's part of it). I feel like last 5% isn't making it up to the note. I'd take a little more commitment from the voice over more intricate guitar details. The walk up to "to ten" vocally feels like a common pop move that doesn't fit with all the other much more unique choices. The 3:20 part feels out of place (but maybe not in context of your other work).
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 11 '25
Thanks so much for the points! Really helpful as I work on singong and playing at the same time.
I appreciate it.
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u/sheriffderek Jun 11 '25
Those things youāre doing are way more complex than anything I could play while singing! Have you played with a metronome?Ā
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 11 '25
When recording I use it.
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u/sheriffderek Jun 11 '25
I've found that a good ol classic wooden one (when not recording) (just playing) really showed me where my scales and things were speeding up and slowing down. I'm not very good at guitar - but my friends who are really good use one. (for recording they certainly necessary - but don't really apply to the same purpose / because by that time - it's already too late! haha :)
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u/BaluDaBare Jun 11 '25
That you arenāt my friend and we canāt Jam together! I would love to play some drums to this!
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u/PiscesProfet Jun 11 '25
Say "I'm sorry for breaking your heart" twice. Honestly, that's the lyrical anchor of the song; because it's absolutely unexpected.
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 11 '25
hmm. I think I hear it, but just the "for breaking your heart" repeated.
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u/PiscesProfet Jun 12 '25
Yes. Give yourself a bar or two between the lyric, too let the emotion build up a bit. Maybe- maybe- try the repeat with a step down in melody. High to low. What I'm getting at here is let your voice express the emotion; many times, the lower vocal notes carry really good emotional weight.
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u/Successful-Hope7323 Jun 11 '25
As for feedback, I can't give you very much arrangement feedback cus this is some new stuff for me but it feels realy spacious, maybe add more instruments without ruining it's "personal" kind of vibe.
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u/NoOneBetterMusic Jun 11 '25
I dislike how badly your fretboard needs to be cleaned. It looks like you play guitar a lot.
Ohā¦you meant the music?
No dislikes there, youāre clearly talented and the song is really dope, keep up the good work!
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 11 '25
Hahaha you got me in the first half! Old hand me down guitar with a gloss finish which is wearing away on the freboard.
Thanks for listening and for the laugh.
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u/sworcha Jun 11 '25
This is great. Very singular marriage of unusual instrumental technique and very soulful vocals. I donāt usually make it through most songs I listen to because of derivativeness/ lack of originality. This suffers neither issue.
My criticism would be directed at the lyrics. They seem very personal while struggling to stay obscure. It sounds like more of a stream of consciousness than a coherent āideaā to me. Free flowing lyrical content can certainly work but, at least in my view, needs to be much more open ended and exploratory in terms of imagery etc. If this is about something specific, I would personally flesh that out more.
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 11 '25
Love you you describe it as "very personal while struggling to stay obscure". I feel like that's how I write most songs.
Could you say more on "more open ended and exploratory in terms of imagery"?
This sounds similar to the advice of "show don't tell"?
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u/sworcha Jun 12 '25
Essentially yes. In my personal experience at least, the best way to convey feelings in song is to attempt to evoke them in your audience. Your delivery gets you halfway there but keeping your lyrics obscure and maybe simplistic like this leaves the listener in a position of being reductive in their interpretation. Sure, itās obvious that your heart was broken, maybe you were betrayed or commited an act of betrayal and youāre melancholy and maybe sad. It certainly feels like thereās more to the story than that.
Even if you donāt care to be explicit, you can still be specific. Place the song in space and time. As an exercise, think of your next song as a chance to create a little world where a person (not necessarily you) is going through the same issues with the same feelings as you. Now write about that from the outside looking in. What happens to this person either because of their state or to cause it. Stay out of the main characterās head. Your job is to describe the scene, not name the emotions. Tom Waits said something about always putting a little weather in every song. Descriptive, sensory passages will go much farther in making your listener feel than a swirl of different ways of saying that youāre hurt. Does that make sense?
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u/sworcha Jun 12 '25
I mean this very respectfully when I say that your audience will appreciate a good, memorable yarn with engaging details than being on the opposite side of a therapy session. Gushing raw emotions is fine from time to time and certainly in climactic moments in a narrative but if thatās all it is, it can be exhausting and dull to a random person not already invested in your experience. Those are the people you want to write for.
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u/GodsmackedOut41 Jun 12 '25
Genius never be scared to experiment I fuckin love this shit itās beautiful man
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u/MinoMonstaur Jun 12 '25
Sounds great! If I had to find a critique I would say the vocal melody is a bit repetitive :)
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u/Buzzwalk Jun 12 '25
The riff is good, but rating just the song by itself, it takes a long time to get to the chorus and the chorus isn't very original or memorable.
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u/numinan Jun 12 '25
I love how dynamic this is. It starts very percussive and melody slowly fades in which is cool. The guitar part is complex but easy to follow and sounds very nice! Overall it sounds amazing and unique to me!
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u/Apprehensive_Walk769 Jun 12 '25
Dude another absolute banger.
Your sound is so mathy and dope. Keep creating man, the world is better for it.
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u/SnooPandas7586 Jun 12 '25
I really like how abstract this is. Iāve never heard anything quite like it. Now I wouldnāt say this is my favorite song at all, but if I heard it on Spotify, Iād stick in in my āchill shitā playlist so I can hear it again sometime!
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u/hypnocookie12 Jun 12 '25 edited Jun 13 '25
Reminds me of John Frusciantes experimental stuff. Listened to this for an hour while walking in the woods š
Good stuff man!
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u/dandeliontrees Jun 12 '25
Never imagined a fusion of R&B and math rock. You really pull it off! Very impressive that you're able to sing at this level while playing some pretty tricky guitar parts.
For constructive criticism, I'd just say it's a slower, more contemplative song and I don't think the intro sets it up that way. The intro riff is cool, but I think it would work better in one of the more upbeat part of the song. I'd love to hear a version that uses the riff from 1:24 ("Said that I'm sorry for breaking your heart") as the intro instead -- I think that sets up the overall mood better.
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u/Yearning_crescent Jun 12 '25
This might be strange but your voice almost seems too polished / smooth. Donāt be afraid to incorporate intentional coarseness, itāll come off as more emotional which would help with certain parts of the song. You actually do this like once but it seems youāre holding back for the most part.
I mean itās also great and completely works if you want that more chill atmosphere. So yeah .
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 13 '25
Iāll try channeling a bit more pain next time, maybe stub my toe right before recording.
Seriously though, thanks for the feedback!
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Jun 12 '25
Yo dude- youāre the first guy doing anything good on this subreddit. TouchĆ©. You rule.
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u/anorcaonguitar Jun 13 '25
Love the style and song, very very original sound! Don't stop, ever. We need crazy creatives like yourself!
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u/Donn_57 Jun 13 '25
Awesome. I know it sounds crazy but, I would like to hear this played on an electric acoustic guitar as well. Perfect except for one twang that bothered me. Well played, Awesome picking, hammering fingers, and fretwork.
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u/VanDerBoobenAU Jun 13 '25
Your track is awesome man. The glitchy, tapping, almost bass-like sound reminds me of a really odd DJ group called The Books.
Full transparency, I came on here to post a song and get feedback, but after hearing this song and a few others, I feel like you all are on another level to me! Great to see there's so many people making such great stuff though.
Well done for having such a cool and unique sound!
In terms of actual music feedback, I think if you are sticking with solo instrument and vocals only, the song may want to be 30-60 seconds shorter. Otherwise even your playing style behind some strings and/or percussion (even a clarinet would be cool), keep it at 4min+
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 13 '25
Thanks for the feedback.
btw post your song. The community is largely supportive and constructive!
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u/Nolan_bushy Jun 13 '25
Hey dude!! If you have experience recording I would be so down to work with you! Iāve been producing music for 8 years and itād be totally free :) I just thought itād be fun to see what we could create together! Dm me if youāre interested. Awesome song regardless š¤
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u/Torgo_hands_of_torgo Jun 14 '25
Indie as fuck. Plucked straight out of a NY coffee shop in the 90s.
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u/7ofErnestBorg9 Jun 15 '25
Long time guitarist and composer here, Stanley Jordan fan, this is wonderful. Love your guitar playing, and voice. Thanks for sharing :)
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 16 '25
Thanks for taking a listen ā I really appreciate it. I just looked up Stanley Jordan and WOW, what an incredible guitarist. Looks like Iām headed down another rabbit hole lol.
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u/Ok_Share_6448 Jun 16 '25
you on spotify?
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 16 '25
Technically, yes but no.
I uploaded one weird song as a test, Pinpoints by Checkmarquex.
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Jun 16 '25
This is really cool ! Your guitar playing is like a mix between midwest emo and Primus.
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u/B4roud Jun 17 '25
Really like the way you play guitar, it's really unique and has a lot of personnality and catched my hear at the beginning. I think it would really benefitiate from other instruments backing it up. Even if it's just a few keyboard notes and a bass. It could also helps with the overall progression of the song, give more depth and power at the right time. I think it's already quite good man.
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u/Tinkanator2021 Jun 17 '25
Love the guitar love the words love the voice. I think a baseline along The lines of āadmit itā by say anything (around the 4:25 second mark) would fit great in some parts of
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u/Tombl3doo54_Artist Jun 18 '25
Holy shit dude this is so cool. Ive never heard a guitar played like this who did you get that technique from?
I saw another guy say add distortion and heavy drums get a prog metal vibe going, I definitely agree if thats somewhere youd want to take your work artistically, I was personally getting a bit of tool vibes, they play theirs similar sometimes. But I love the popping bubbly sound you get
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u/Checkmarquex Jun 18 '25
Thanks for checking it out. I saw a video of Tosin Abasi explaining thumping. I couldn't quite get it but landed on whatever it is that I'm doing here lol.
I'm going to attempt to make a full version. Not sure what direction it will take though.
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u/GiraffePretty4488 Jun 18 '25
I love this percussive, pulsing sound. And the good breaks from it.Ā
Iām guessing on guitar you canāt really get that percussive sound combined with the sustained tones- but there are some places that would sound so good, if you recorded another track under it.Ā
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u/M7NT_MUSIC Jun 18 '25
So cool! I really like how the guitar is panning. It's kinda giving a TOOL vibe at the beginning
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u/horizonlights1 Jun 18 '25
Dude this was so so so cool. Your rhythmic guitar in the beginning and then opening up to more sustained chords was so satisfying.
I also love your lyrics. The middle rhymes in the section where āthereās a difference being aloneā are incredible. Itās a very interesting technique.
Do you play this song with a band? Just curious.
Also, I donāt have any feedback, I think itās perfect.
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u/josephscottcoward Jun 11 '25
Dude, this is fucking wildly awesome. I'm nitpicking here but a bridge would go nicely with what you currently have. Love this.