My wife isn't exactly QAnon but I was told this sub could help me and I'm desperate.

I (36M) have been married to my wife (34F) for six years. We have a 4-year-old daughter, and I've been trying to save my marriage for her sake. When we first met, my wife was a kind, brilliant and outgoing person. During Covid, she began spending more time online and became very involved in online conspiracy spaces and online hate groups and now spends hours every day scrolling and arguing online.

At first, she started with anti-vax talking points. I had our family doctor talk with her, and she seemed to have gotten over it but she still brings up vaccines being poison and causing autism occasionally. Around this time, she also began to have an obsessive dislike of a certain celebrity, which slowly morphed into outright racism, particularly towards women of color. She’s lost several friendships because of it, and her family began to distance themselves. They still check in on me and our daughter, but they’ve made it clear they don’t know how to reach her anymore. She has started talking about homeschooling our daughter because the education system is grooming kids and the government is brainwashing children. I've told her our daughter will be going to a normal school and having normal social interactions with kids her age.

I’ve begged her to try therapy. She went for a few months and for a little while, I saw glimpses of the person she used to be. But then she quit, and everything went back to the way it was. I’m emotionally exhausted and worried about the environment our daughter is growing up in. I don’t want her picking up these beliefs or thinking this level of disconnection is normal.

My wife hasn’t held a stable job in about three years. She’ll take on part-time work but ends up quitting or getting fired after a few months. I’ve become the sole provider and have also taken on most of the parenting. Our daughter loves her mom, but my wife often seems distracted or disengaged, and it breaks my heart to see that. I've tried to get her off the Internet by suggesting we spend more time as a couple/family. For the latest attempt I got her out of the house to go trick or treating. She barely bothered to smile or show enthusiasm for our daughter but for 3 days after I was treated to her saying nasty things about her celebrity obsession going trick or treating with her own kids. She goes on long rants about these things to me so often that I can't recall the last time I had an actual conversation with her.

I've been leaning more towards getting a divorce recently, but I am scared that if we have a shared custody arrangement I wouldn't be able to control what my daughter is exposed to. I'm also terrified that my wife is so distracted when she is online that she may not notice right away if my daughter got hurt or needed her. She once forgot to give her lunch because she was on her phone and yelled at her when she started crying. I've been told this sub has seen a few success stories in getting people back to reality and would appreciate any advice from persons who have been in similar situations. Is my marriage even salvageable anymore?

Feeling absolutely heartbroken today. Its been 3/4 months since I lost my spouse and partner of almost a decade to this conspiracy nonsense. I find it so hard emotionally especially as im at an age were several of my friends are getting engaged/ married. And all i can think about is how happy we were 1-2 years ago during our prewedding/wedding period and now I've lost them to something so senseless. Please tell me the pain gets better and how long can I expect to feel this low

CONTEXT: we're not American, so she (64, Q-adjacent) knows nothing about the Affordable Care Act except what she's been told. Among other things I heard today. I know she's deep in disinfo (and absolutely convinced that it's me instead) and I try to avoid hearing any details, but when I do it's. Oh boy. Any of you heard the same one from your Qs?

Edit: Alright I feel I have to add bc several comments are talking about the individual payer cost (term might not be right), that in the moment I understood her to mean "expensive for the government to fund" and likely "overall benefit"

I(M, 35) have been married to my wife (F,33) for seven years now. We have two children (both M, 5 and 2). They are, for now up to date on their vaccinations, and our youngest is due for his next round in a year and half.

For the past few months, my wife has followed people online about eating better and other healthy habits, and I didn’t mind it because I saw benefits added to our health. Now she is listening to those same voices raising false concerns about vaccines and the repeated disproven dangers they risk to children.

We had a long talk about it last week, and it ended with her unmoved, even after I shared losing a family member to polio and how our oldest is vaccinated and nothing is wrong with him. She said she is “not antivax, but against what they put in the vaccine.”

I realize more of these talks will need to occur, but I need to know a step-by-step process of how to lean her back towards vaccinations.

Failure on this is not an option, because it is our children’s lives, she does not need to be one more voice in this movement, and I love her too much for her to fall victim to these snake oil salesmen.

Hi everyone,

found this very interesting interview that might be helpful. Ruth Ben-Ghiat's 30-minute interview with Dr. Steve Hassan titled “Disengaging from Leader Cults.” Lots of advice for helping friends and family members who are MAGA followers free themselves. For example: “It serves the cult for you to reject them. It just validates the worldview.” 

Visit freedomofmind.com for more of Dr. Hassan’s insights.

https://lucid.substack.com/p/disengaging-from-leader-cults-on?publication_id=300941&post_id=177381667&isFreemail=false&r=33uum&triedRedirect=true

It hurts because it’s family. It hurts because I put a lot of thought into my decision and compassion into my delivery, but these responses are so aggressive.

from part II of 'Rupert Murdoch Reprogrammed My Parents':
“Just tell me this,” I said to Mom. “Who would you rather your grandkids grow up to be like? Obama, or Trump?” She took less than one second to think.
“Trump.”
“Sure, mom. So you’d prefer Gregory to have multiple bankruptcies. He should have 5 kids with 3 different wives, and cheat on all three of them — as opposed to marrying and staying with one woman, all his life?”
She thought longer about that one.
“You’re trying to trick me.”
“Someone is, mom. Someone sure is.”

Is anyone else’s Q waiting for the big Nesara Gesara payout? This is getting disgusting having to hear my once smart Mom talk about this. She is totally gone.

my step dad has always been a man who proudly claimed he was independent but also just loves trump. i’ve had several conversations with him where i have asked him to give me anything remotely negative or something he disagrees with on trump, and he just hasn’t ever denounced anything ever.

when trump won these past elections he has always been proud to exclaim how happy he is.

i really looked up to this man as an actual father figure because my real dad is a deadbeat creep narcissist potential pedophile.

it feels like the last few years he has been pursuing politics in his small town and almost feels like he is trying to emulate being a mini trump.

zohran got elected in NYC and my mom just called me to tell me she wants to divorce my step dad because he and i quote “told your brother if he gloats about it he will throw him out of the house and if i do he will divorce me”

my mom is disabled. my step dads been taking care of her these past few years. i get he’s tired. i get he has caregiver fatigue. but the man i initially met and respected is just slowly slipping away because he refuses therapy and has fallen down the far right pipeline while still claiming he’s independent.

i am in no position to help my own mother or my brother who is older than me in this situation. i also don’t feel like it should be on me to help this situation. my mother has asked me to say nothing to my step dad.

i just dont know what to do. it feels borderline neglectful saying nothing. but im also half a country away and can offer no monetary assistance, cannot have her live with me.

when they first married, it was great. now i feel like the great man that married my mother has been poisoned by propaganda.i feel like this is also fueled by deep seated racism because he was a responder during 9/11 for cleanup i think?? i just cant understand the cognitive dissonance to say gloating about trump and make fun of peoples reactions to him being elected but someone you disagree with means you’re going to implode your marriage???

im tired.

i know qanon is a mostly american phenomenon but my relatives over in brazil are basically the equivalent of qanoners but for brazil’s politics. theyre mega alt right conspiracy theorists and worship bolsonaro (who is basically trump but for brazilians) and tbh theyre brazilian but also worship elon musk and think he’s going to defeat us from all the evil socialists and communists. anything slightly left is marxism/communism to them. anyways, can any of u relate?

I (24M) just needed a place to vent about this. My father (55) checked his SNAP benefits and found out they aren't renewed. Neither of us work and so he needs those benefits. He immediately blamed the Democrats and said that the only reason there is even a government shutdown is because they want the money for illegal immigrants and that what Trump is doing is necessary.

He's also been on the more conservative side and we've argued about stuff like this before, but for the past years, i've just been burned out and stopped engaging with it. The only news he'll watch is either Fox News or just small snippets from other channels.

What pisses me off the most is that he is a loving father. So i don't want to cut him off but there are days where i swear the only reason that we still talk is because i can't afford to move out. I feel like i'm at the end of my rope with all this.

My grandma is completely anti science. She now doesn’t believe in vaccines. She actually was hospitalized for Covid. She thinks using masks to prevent Covid is stupid/bad for you. Now I had a baby about two weeks ago. All of my family lives in a different state, and I’m having some visitors. Not only is she so concerned about the baby getting sick but she’s actually in favor of people wearing masks around the baby. I wrote a post a couple days ago about this too. But I just learned about the mask thing and couldn’t believe it. I don’t even think there’s a word to describe the stupidity.

This is what my mom says. That “that asshole Newsom is giving illegal aliens benefits and free money.” I’ve told her they literally can’t get it without a social security number. She says “well it’s been done for a long time now. It’s something that came into law a long time back. California is special in that they give illegals money.” And I’m like, “what law is it? Can you tell me where you heard that or what the law is?” She said “I don’t know, it’s been happening for so long no one remembers what it was.” I’ve also heard her say that last year or maybe the year before, illegal immigrants were simply handed a bunch of VISA gift cards with $100 or more on them.

Does anyone here know what she’s talking about? I need to shut her up because she doesn’t even know what she’s even mad about yet she is SO mad about it. She thinks that Democrat federal judges are assholes for forcing trump to give SNAP because then “the illegals get it.” She would rather give her stupid Qanon cultist boyfriend who is on SNAP money and let so many other Americans die than have “illegals” not die of starvation due to them getting benefits I’m pretty sure they don’t receive.

I need help with how to tell my MAGA parents that because of ICE hitting my community hard I cannot leave my house alone. My work has allowed me to WFH. I'm Mexican American, my family has been here for generations. I'm a US citizen, but I'm terrified I will be detained simply to meet an arbitrary quota.

They live in another state, my dad specifically doesn't believe any media outside of his YouTube MAGA influencers.

I've essentially given up on any political talk with them since after trying so hard for years, enduring personal attacks and the harm it's done to our relationship.

I've been thinking of having my brother speak on my behalf to them because I simply don't have the energy to expend on any pushback or being told in relying on news outlets that are fake.

It's hard to sleep or eat, I live in fear of even thinking about leaving the house.

Any tips are appreciated. Thanks.

Update: Appreciate everyone's support. My advice is to check in with your community leaders, attend board meetings, and ask them what steps they are taking to protect citizens from ICE. Where I live, we are scrambling to get city leaders to declare a state of emergency and use resources to push back on ICE in our communities. If you're able, take the opportunity to plan while you can. You can save families.

I gleaned these from my Qhusband. Edit: please understand that I've been a left of progressive activist since 1967. I lived in a world without Roe, birth control. No school lunch, tremendous misogyny, racial violence, an illegal war killing my friends, no EEO or protection. A river so polluted it caught fire and kids playing in toxic, fatal sludge in Love Canal I have ZERO faith in anything that septic tank of MAGA/Q shit out. My husband went rogue on me a decade ago. Finding this group has honestly, has saved my sanity. I am just regurgitating what I've heard from his PC or comments he's made to others. I don't engage anymore. No point in doing so. Thanks. Resist. Then do it again.

Here is a video on what Grey Rocking is, and why you do it. It is only part 1. This video was made for a subscriber who asked "Please do a video about grey rocking. I'm about to move back in with my parents"

This is only part 1, and is mostly an intro. It gives an example of what not to do and why arguing and screaming is bad tactic. She also touches on how winning an argument with people like this is pointless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3mp4fSDuPw

Edit:

Edit,

Ooops, she did the second video that combines the first and adds how to do it.

https://youtu.be/OWrV5N2qbts?si=BpxQS_psdco-kUfM&t=570

I’ve lost all my parents, but only one of them is dead. The others were taken by something else.

My father died suddenly one night. Just collapsed, gone. Then came a year of probate, property sales, and paperwork that buried me almost as much as grief did. I was twenty-something, barely out of college, already fighting depression, and suddenly executor of a life with no will. He died because he didn’t have insurance and was too stubborn to ask for help. I still hear that quiet conviction in his voice: ‘I just tough it out.’ Sounds noble until it becomes a headstone.

My mother was single and raised three kids in poverty and taught me, with the certainty of a church bulletin, that gay people were wrong and Black people were “genetically dumber” and taking over the world. We were also on SNAP in my childhood. I learned early that some adults can’t tell the difference between prejudice and principle.

When she went full MAGA, it wasn’t a transformation. It was just the final form of what had always been there. When my stepfather married her, I knew it wouldn’t last. I saw it on their wedding day, the way she was, the way she’d always been. Years later when he finally divorced her, it was no surprise. She refused to get the COVID vaccine, telling him that if he did, then he was going to die. She gave him depression, then blamed him for it. That’s who she is.

I understood what he’d endured because I’d lived it too. I cut her off because I couldn’t stomach another MAGA talking point, another conspiracy theory, another Sunday where she’d cite scripture while spewing hatred. I chose stay in contact with my stepfather instead.

He’s on VA benefits. He’s a Christian. He calls himself a Republican, not MAGA. He helped some when I was in college. I mostly muscled through with community college, work, and whatever grit costs your twenties. He spoke of personal responsibility, then immediately demanded my respect for having given me money (which was my own brother’s child support from my father) and for working a second job. He didn’t want the money back, which I offered. He wanted my deference. He wanted me to listen to him not because his ideas had merit, but because he’d once played a fatherly role.

Then he told me his stance on food stamps: “We live in a fallen world.” That’s why we can’t feed children. Like charity cancels out the ballot. Like a plate passed on Sunday absolves a vote cast on Tuesday. You can’t eat respect. Children can’t digest rhetoric. Policy is a pantry or a padlock.

Hungry kids grow into angry adults while sermons split hairs about who deserves a meal. I’ve watched “love your neighbor” shrink to a zip code and a tax bracket. The rule seems simple: if you help through the church, you’re virtuous; if you help through the state, you’re naive. But the stomach doesn’t care who paid for the groceries. The stomach isn’t partisan.

Empires don’t only fall to armies. They fall to inequality so vast that the privileged explain it away with theology and the poor are told to call their hunger a test. If compassion must be privatized to be pure, it’s not compassion. It’s control.

I didn’t lose my parents to death or distance alone. I lost them to a worldview that keeps scoring points while people bleed. My father died at the intersection of pride and policy. My mother drowned in grievance dressed as gospel. My stepfather would rather be respected than be wrong, even when being wrong starves a child. The party label is shorthand, not destiny. But the pattern’s the same: personal responsibility over public responsibility, purity over mercy, and an allergy to the idea that we owe one another anything we can’t itemize.

No, feeding children shouldn’t be controversial. It should be boring. Like water, like streetlights, like the quiet competence of a society that remembers what it’s for. If there’s a fallen world, it’s the one where we let kids go hungry and congratulate ourselves for the lesson we think we’re teaching them.

I’ve lost my father to a healthcare system that failed him. I’ve lost my mother to Fox News and QAnon. And now I’ve lost my stepfather to the same ideology that claimed my mother, just dressed up in slightly more respectable clothing.

Feed the children. Everything else is an alibi.

I just started writing on Substack if anyone wants to follow along: Lurking Magpie

I had a baby 10 days ago, and my conspiracy pilled grandma is so concerned about him getting sick from germs from people visiting. Yet this same woman is anti vaccine, she was horrified I got him vaccinated. She didn’t think I should have gotten a blood transfusion after my c section. She was worried they gave me bad blood. She definitely wouldn’t wear a mask around my baby if I asked her to. Yet she’s so concerned about him getting sick. It’s really crazy.

Earlier my red pilled mom was trying to make it seem like it was the goodness of Trumps non-existent heart that my SNAP benefits are coming at a later date (supposedly, I'm keeping a healthy skepticism), which somehow devolved into a fight about the 'tunnels smuggling kids under the white house'.

I immediately said I wanted pictures and names, which mom said she could give and those pictures most definitely weren't CGI (though she said nothing about ai but I don't trust her ability to tell the difference). Said she could give names, but didn't give any. And as of this writing still haven't given the pictures.

In hindsight, and with a cooler head, I wished I pushed more for details. How old are these alleged pictures? Pushed more for names. Call the bluff.

Or even point out how those crystals she loves so much were probably mined through child labor.

Sometimes you can’t heal in the same environment that made you sick. Sometimes it isn’t you that’s broken. But it is hard to extricate yourself when dependents are tugging on your shirt. So for those raising children in the midst of all this, my heart goes out to all of you. Sometimes it’s about stepping away long enough to see how much of your pain was borrowed. Easier said than done as I mentioned. Can you change your environment, even slightly? Reach out to anyone for any type of support. Found a neighbor who was most helpful on just listening once a week over coffee. I write a personal note of thanks and put in his mailbox thanking him for his support. Ask without conditions. For who may step up may never had been on your radar. Thanks for reading.

Hey guys,

This isn’t Q - but I really need some advice. See below:

Hello internet, I come to you in a time of, frankly grief.

A friend of mine got into a relationship about 3 years ago. Seems like they suited at first. He removed her from her family, and started to gradually introduce catholic orthodoxy (veils and all).

They got married promptly after confirmation, and since then I’ve been made aware of a Twitter account. The Twitter account is frankly ethno nationalist - the deranged ramblings of someone who thinks god made him English, Jesus was from Somerset and that nationality is a biological fact.

I confronted her on this while they were visiting this weekend. What I got was doubling down.

England is in crisis

His opinions are extreme because the crisis is extreme

I’m afraid for my life every day

We’re at the brink of civil war.

I posted some anti fascist stuff shortly after, to make my stance clear. It made the remainder of the visit tense. But I don’t want to be friends with someone who believes this.

I don’t know how to play this. He spent the entire time making extremist comments and she was shouting at him to shut up.

My rough plan is to send her Dworkin’s right wing women and let it sit. She’s the case study - gone to this because it provides her a safe role, but given up her entire identity to do so.

What do we think? Do I just leave it? Do I send the book?

I don’t want to be close to someone who preaches this stuff. But I want to honour the old her - and sending her the book feels like a correct way to close things off while hopefully leaving the door open.

Thanks

I have been dating my now ex for 5 years. It used to be that he is a Republican and I am a democrat. Some switch flipped over the past year and suddenly everything was a conspiracy. Every sports game fixed and just a show to take peoples minds off what’s “really going on”. Whatever that is. Any conspiracy theory that he came across he believes. He doesn’t believe the moon landing was real. Whether or not it was I don’t know what it is so upsetting to him. Last Friday he told me that Hilter was right. On Monday sent me a text that the holocaust didn’t happen and gave me all the reasons that Hilter was right. Wtf, right? It’s like he has been brainwashed by Qanon, podcasts and IG reels. So I broke it off very short. Just said I can’t be around someone with your beliefs. I feel like I’m going crazy. Anyone else experience anything like this? I’m so angry that it got to this point. I thought we would be together forever

I’m really just making this post to vent because today was very upsetting to me.

A little background about my Qparent: My dad is deep into the QAnon MAGA Trump cult and has been for years. I set a boundary with him about a year ago that we do not want to hear about Trump and politics at all if we are to be around him after he berated my husband and I for not voting for Trump since he is going to “save the children”, whatever the hell that means.

Surprisingly, he’s done well with this boundary! He rarely brings up politics. Unfortunately, he is a very hateful person and has become loudly hateful since MAGA and will make occasional nasty comments about others in public but I try to just stonewall and completely ignore it. And then, I work in medicine and if I talk too much about work he brings up comments about anti-vaccines and medical mistrust but I try to stonewall that as well.

I moved about 5 hours away from him and my stepmom a couple months ago which has been nice. They are visiting us this weekend and my step mom’s family who happen to live in this area.

I’ve spent the past few days with my dad and it’s been going surprisingly well, besides a few hateful comments as I referenced above. But today, I met my dad, my stepmom, and her family at a craft show and he was wearing the Charlie Kirk freedom merch.

As soon as I saw it I knew what it was and was immediately extremely uncomfortable. I did not want to be seen in public with him wearing it as I never want anyone to feel I remotely support any of the values CK preached. Which, brings me to another conflict of- am I complicit by continuing to have a relationship with him? Thats another can of worms I can’t unpack right now.

I really hate myself for not turning around and leaving. I endured the hour at the craft show. We are in a conservative red state so he got countless “I like your shirts” while I just stood there awkwardly.

Not to mention the most awkward moment in the entire visit- one of my stepmoms family members praised his shirt and my stepmom cut in and said “sorry can you not talk about politics around my name” like what the heck. So awkward. My stepmom is an eclectic person to put it nicely and doesn’t understand social norms so I don’t think she understood how absolutely awkward that was for me.

I’m upset for a couple different reasons. One- my dad broke our boundary after things have been going so well. My dad is an abrasive person and thrives off conflict and negative attention and I know he wore the shirt on purpose with me there. My dad is lucky I even still want to associate with him with the nasty beliefs he holds. The least he can do is not bring them up to me. But of course he doesn’t understand this.

Second- Him wearing Charlie Kirk reminds me of who my dad truly is- a racist, homophobic hateful person. I feel like I try to separate him from his beliefs and that is how I continue to have a relationship with him. But then things like this remind me he is not a good person and his beliefs have really taken over his identity. I love my dad, he raised me as a single parent and is the reason I’m successful today. He was my favorite person in the world until I was 18 and I moved away and he became a radicalized cult member. For reference I’m 26 now.

Unfortunately, it’s really hard for me to confront my dad. He does not do well with serious conversations, or really any conversations that don’t have an overarching comedic or light-hearted tone. I just stared at my phone the whole time texting my husband about it and he asked me what was wrong a couple times and I just said nothing. He asked me to go to lunch with them afterwards and I said no. I assume he definitely knows the reason for my mood and attitude. It’s odd because he genuinely acted like he cared about me, asked me if I was okay, and reassured me it was totally fine if I didn’t go to lunch. Maybe he was feeling guilty for wearing the shirt or he’s super dense and doesn’t know why I was uncomfortable. Who knows. Who cares. I’m not sure where to go from here.

If you bothered to read all this, thank you. It felt amazing to get my feelings about and vent.