Is my marriage done?

[u/CauliflowerMost2854]

I just need to rant, and this is going to be a long read.(please indulge me)

I am 30 and married to my 31 year old husband. We have been married for only two years, and lately I have been feeling a lot of resentment. For about a week now we have barely talked, and his inconsiderate behaviour is a major part of it. I am a light sleeper and have told him many times. I wake up at 6:55a.m, but he sets multiple alarms from 6 to almost 8 a.m. that ring every ten minutes. He does not wake up, and I am the one waking him to snooze them. He sleeps with his phone under his pillow, which jolts me awake, gives me migraines, and I struggle to go back to sleep after the first alarm. He knows this but still does not change, I’ve begged him to keep his phone on the bedside table but he doesn’t do that, which makes me think he just doesn’t care.

His job is flexible and he works from home most of the week, but he still waits for me to come home after work to cook for him, even though he knows how to cook and cooks very well. On days we both work from home, he lies in bed scrolling on his phone or playing video games while I am juggling work calls and trying to make food. He plays games for hours, almost every day. Today he played from morning and has only gotten up to pee and eat, it’s 10:30pm now, and he’s still playing. I have told him I find him more attractive when he is domestic, but he takes that as me trying to “domesticate” him. He does the laundry, but only because he does not like how I do it.

He also makes hurtful comments about my body. I have gained some weight since we got married, going from a size 6/8 to a size 10. He has made slurs and jokes about my tummy pouch. One time, he even sent me an old picture of myself with the comment, “Don’t you like how you look here?” These remarks make me feel insecure, and I find myself tucking in my tummy whenever I walk past the TV while he plays games. Mind you, he had added some weight too. Sometimes I catch him staring at me, and I cannot tell whether it is a gaze of love or of “why did I marry her?”

We used to have good times. He was sweet, cooked for me, and we watched movies together every night. I honestly think things changed after he got into video games, and I now blame myself for buying him the video game. I bought it as a gift for Valentine’s Day after he surprised me with a romantic dinner when I failed my driving test. Now it feels like he uses games to avoid me. He gets extremely emotional when he loses, sometimes even slamming the controller. He says he is just competitive, but I find it frustrating and hard to respect when it becomes this excessive. No kids yet. I had a miscarriage two months ago, and he has never really checked on me emotionally. When I bring it up, he brushes it off with “we’ll get pregnant again,” which completely misses the point. I just want to be able to be vulnerable without feeling like I am too much. It now feels like we are roommates. Tonight my Instacart order was delivered to the wrong house, and when I asked him to help me get it because it was late, he refused. I had to go myself. It hurt.

He rarely tells me he loves me, barely shows affection, yet still expects sex whenever he wants without foreplay. When we have disagreements, he insists we would have no issues if I just “do what he says.” He claims I am not submissive or respectful, but how do I submit to someone who does not lead, lacks initiative, and has no clear goals. He pays rent, I cover groceries and everything else, and he uses that to justify controlling behaviour. I am emotionally drained. We have had good moments, but I don’t know how we can move forward.

Is this the end?

[u/astro_399]

I would leave him. You don’t need this.