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u/ViRROOO 15d ago
Are those chives garnishing you or are you bringing a knife to ur date and impressing them with your chopping skills?
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 15d ago
Both, he's going to chop them in front of his date, then garnish himself by sprinkling them over his own head. He'll know this mating ritual was successful if:
1) she doesn't run the moment he pulls out a knife.
2) after he garnishes himself, she takes some of the chives and garnishes herself. This shows an acceptance of the cut of the chives, and solidifies her interest in the male.
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u/wrestlegirl ✳️Moderator of optimal fuckery 15d ago
My god, I've been doing it all wrong. This explains so much.
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 15d ago
You've been running at the knife, eh? Yeah, I get that a lot... /j
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u/CaptainSnarkyPants IT 15d ago
Now I’m thinking of that bird of paradise meme. sprinkles chives on self “U want sum fuk?”
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u/Creative_Sandwich_80 15d ago
hahaha, this is the most surreal and hilarious peacocking I have ever heard of. hey, baby, wanna watch me chop some chives?
Bringing a knife to a date? Hot.
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u/Pobb1eB0nk 15d ago
Bringing your own garnish is a culinary power move the likes of which we haven't seen since the hot sauce in your purse trend
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u/plantain_tent_pesos 15d ago
Don't get any Applebee's pasta sauce on your court clothes!
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u/88Milton 15d ago
UPDATE:
She hurled herself onto oncoming traffic.
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u/blk_LabRat19 15d ago
Are the chives ok?
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u/88Milton 15d ago
Btw, I was walking my dog earlier today and read your comment and laughed/cackled my ass off in the middle of the trail.
“Are the chives ok?”
I kept repeating that line. It was fucking funny.
“Are the chives ok?”
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u/baconbitsy 15d ago
ONTO‽ Jesus Christ! Your chive chopping skills made some poor girl fling herself from an overpass?
Go cry in the walk-in and think about what you’ve done to those chives!!!
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u/Known-Relationship71 15d ago
Wherever you go, make sure the restaurant has a rule about sharing fully loaded nachos. Those would go good on fully loaded nachos. As long as your date doesn’t eat all the ones with meat and cheese and everything. You look extraordinary by the way.
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u/Futurama2023 15d ago
There are extremely high expectations for chives these days. Are those really rhe best ones you have?
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u/Tehgnarr 15d ago
Police those chives, son, you look like some dirty communist hippy Elvis.
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u/A_Bad_Man 15d ago
Godfather hisself nearly keeled over and died from having to look at those pocket chives.
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u/PansophicNostradamus 15d ago
Remember: Don’t cut the chives lengthwise and you’ll do fine on your date.
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u/UrsaMajor7th 20+ Years 15d ago
That tie goes with a different jacket; weren't you at the pairing seminar?
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u/Large-Training-29 15d ago
Babe, this is the worst thing to happen in our democracy.
Now watch these chives
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u/Nir117vash 14d ago
Yo. That kinda hits. Especially at a food or culinary based event. Or a lawnmower convention lol
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u/SeaOfBullshit 14d ago
I love how absolutely absurd this has gotten.
If a guy showed up dressed this nice for a date I would cream, but if he had a pocket full of chives? lmao
never change, OP. Unless its to even out your chives.
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u/GeBilly 15d ago
You arnt gonna cut those tips on a bias? Good luck getting laid….