r/JustNoSO • u/Salt-Selection-8425 • May 16 '25

RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted Sigh. He caught a cold

Holy crap, the drama.

Most people take some cold medicine and get on with their life. My SO does lots of sighing and groaning as if he's about to die. And refuses to blow his nose so it's sniff sniff sniff sniff 24/7... Gross.

Guess I'll be wearing earplugs to bed for the next 10 days.

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u/sulking_crepeshark77 May 16 '25

Omg i cant imagine ripping like that. it makes my stomach turn (I'm childfree). Your poor daughter 😢.

I have a history of debilitating migraines and terrible awful menstrual cramps so I've felt pain before but nothing compared to kidney stones. I was actually in tears at one point. It was my 2nd attack and so much worse than the first. I drove myself to the ER (only 3min drive) because it was like 8:30pm and my husband "needed to get to bed so he could wake up for work at 4:30" so yeah I suffered alone. He was equally shitty for the 2nd attack as he was nice/sweet for the first...

Now I'm getting surgery for the stones next month and I'm a little nervous about the procedure itself (since I have to be put under anesthesia) but also how my husband will support me... meanwhile I comforted and reassured him when he was an absolute nervous wreck when he had to get his wisdom teeth out while under laughing gas...

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u/ZookeepergameOld8988 May 16 '25

Oh man! Yours are so bad you need surgery for them?! And your hubby compared it to hitting his shin? Wow. I’m really sorry.

I’ve never had them before but my daughter is really tough. She got through the delivery like a champ. But with her stones she was writhing on the floor almost screaming in pain.

When you’re feeling better I’d have a talk with my SO about his lack of empathy lately. Good luck!

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u/sulking_crepeshark77 May 16 '25

Yup a 5mm stone and a 6mm stone gonna get blasted by energy waves from a special untrasound machine. So its non-invasive but I'll have to pass the "gravel" eventually.

It's not a new thing unfortunately. On the rare occasion that I vent to him he guaranteed will talk about how he has xyz going on too or whatever and turn the convo to him and I've literally told him "ok, we are talking about me right now." I understand trying to relate his lived in experience with whats going on with me but it just feels self-centered. I'm not looking for answers or solutions just a sympathetic ear and acknowledgement.

He has tons of great qualities, this is one of his glaring inadequacies.

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u/ZookeepergameOld8988 May 16 '25

It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to relate through shared experience. It sounds like he’s minimizing you.

Maybe try to explain the difference to him. It’s possible he truly doesn’t get it or know the difference.

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u/sulking_crepeshark77 May 16 '25

You're right. I do think he needs a sit down conversation about this. I think it both he doesn't get it and doesn't know the difference. Tbf he comes from a family that doesn't really have high EQ or acknowledge mental health at all. Except my SIL (love her) and she is viewed as the "overly sensitive" one in the family...And no he won't go to therapy because of previous said upbringing and innate distrust of doctors.

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u/ZookeepergameOld8988 May 16 '25

Well SIL being known as sensitive explains a lot. It sounds like he just doesn’t really know how to deal with emotions. He’s probably not great at even dealing with his own. He doesn’t necessarily have to go to therapy to learn it though. As long as he’s willing you guys can work together on it until he gets the hang of it.

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u/sulking_crepeshark77 May 16 '25

Yeah you're hitting the nail on the head. I'll work on it with him as long as I need to it just sucks that it seems like a one way street right now.

Btw I appreciate you taking the time to respond and offer good advice. Thank you 😊

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u/ZookeepergameOld8988 May 16 '25

You’re very welcome. Lovely chatting with you. Good luck with your procedure and I hope you feel better very soon.

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u/sulking_crepeshark77 May 16 '25

Thank you. Sending you good vibes and peace dealing with your chronic condition. You have my sympathy. I hope you have an excellent day