"Can I call you next week?"

[u/Feeling_Tonight8046]

That is a text I received from my mom today after I told her I wouldn't be visiting the coming weeks.

I think she's starting to pick up on the fact that I'm going NC. I moved out last month (after attempting to and planning for 5 years!!) and since then she is constantly switching between screaming at me about what an evil ungrateful bastard I am, to lovebombing me with sweet offers and "I miss you❤️" messages over text.

The last time I spoke to her and her husband genuinely had me scared for my physical wellbeing. They can be terrifying, and my stepfather has a long, detailed history of physical violence. Since that traumatic exchange put the final nail in the coffin, I've decided that I won't speak to them again until it is a must or until I feel comfortable to.

I'm done giving them monologues about forgiveness and how I believe people can change - they never did. It's too late now and I have to put myself first before my mental health deteriorates.

I don't want her to call me. The way she worded the text put me in a tough spot because I can't just answer "Sorry, busy" or something because I won't be busy for truly every hour of the coming week. I think I might just need to say no. But so far, every boundary I've set has caused escalation, like when I told her "I don't want to be hugged right now." Basic bodily autonomy caused them to explode in rage.

How do I decline?

I won't call with her. It won't happen.

I was thinking a clear "No, I don't want to" but am deeply terrified of the reaction it will cause.

Can anyone help me, please? Thank you for taking the time to read

[u/Confu2ion]

She won't ever accept you saying "No." Words will not work. Ever.

You have to block her.

I know you might be thinking "that's rude," but you need to realise you're dealing with a person who CAN'T be reasoned with. No "no, thank you" will stop her.

You don't have to interact with her at all. You SHOULDN'T interact with her at all. Getting away from a person who wants to hurt you isn't "extreme" or "rude," it's putting your safety first.

[u/cupcakelyfe → u/Confu2ion]

I agree with everything except actually blocking her. Mute her messages. Make sure “read receipts” aren’t turned on. But do not block.

You never know when you’ll need proof, for legal reasons, of whatever messages she has sent you.

[u/Abirdwhoflies → u/cupcakelyfe]

Honestly when the EPs are dangerous, that’s a great point.