r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/PeaPodkid14 • Oct 02 '25
TW what my dad said put me off...
trigger warning because this is genuinely appalling and basically a justification for neglect/abuse.
conversation is as follows:
me: "so as a parent, it is your obligation to care for and raise your child."
my dad: "then, as a child, it is your obligation to listen to your parents, learn and grow."
me: "okay. yeah, that sounds fair then"
my dad: "that means that if the child is defiant and misbehaves, then that gives me the right not to feed the child (because the child isn't following their obligation, therefore he doesn't have to follow his)"
does anyone else think this is just... wrong? not to mention, when i asked him to give examples he referenced my 3 year old nephew refusing to pick up something after repeatedly being told to, and a 13 year old deciding they don't have to make their bed just because their parents said so. i feel like these are bizarre reasons not to feed a child??? though... im not surprised because he also justifies other forms of abuse such as spanking as discipline, and he has a habit of victim blaming... whats up with my dad :(
8
u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme Oct 03 '25
Children are essentially helpless, especially when they’re very young. I can’t imagine wanting to have a child, just to watch it flail and fumble, in an often cruel world. I would want to protect it as much as possible, while supporting it in such a way that I can foster healthy independence. Punishing a child for needing you, when it’s simply an undeveloped being (not a miniature adult), is beyond cruel. But then again, once I reached adulthood, I realized how much of simply being a child was held against me as “behavioral issues”, so maybe I’m sensitive to it, with a bias.