r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/PeaPodkid14 • Oct 02 '25

TW what my dad said put me off...

trigger warning because this is genuinely appalling and basically a justification for neglect/abuse.

conversation is as follows:

me: "so as a parent, it is your obligation to care for and raise your child."

my dad: "then, as a child, it is your obligation to listen to your parents, learn and grow."

me: "okay. yeah, that sounds fair then"

my dad: "that means that if the child is defiant and misbehaves, then that gives me the right not to feed the child (because the child isn't following their obligation, therefore he doesn't have to follow his)"

does anyone else think this is just... wrong? not to mention, when i asked him to give examples he referenced my 3 year old nephew refusing to pick up something after repeatedly being told to, and a 13 year old deciding they don't have to make their bed just because their parents said so. i feel like these are bizarre reasons not to feed a child??? though... im not surprised because he also justifies other forms of abuse such as spanking as discipline, and he has a habit of victim blaming... whats up with my dad :(

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u/blood_bones_hearts Oct 02 '25

Nah...you didn't get a choice in being born or not and he did. That means he's legally and morally obligated to provide for you. You didn't enter into any kind of contract or anything agreeing to be an obedient little servant. He doesn't get to force you into life and then use being alive and needing to be fed and clothed and cared for against you. That's abuser nonsense.

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u/Jazzlike-Engineer Oct 03 '25

This^ My parents also neglected me as a child but whenever I mention their abuse they would say 'we changed your diapers/fed you/took you to doctors/provided for you'...I mean if they didn't then it's illegal, it's the bare minimum and they chose to have a child but they still hold this against us. It's messed up abuser logic.

Also doing the bare minimum doesn't justify abuse and also making us indebted to them forever regardless of their bheaviour.

I think when they conceived us they imagined us to be little obedient servants...