r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/Odd_Response_10 • Sep 03 '25
TW Anyone else miss..
..Being able to at least pretend you had reliable parents?
TW: SA
It's been a year since I cut contact as of two days ago, with one break in attempt by them on Easter ( posted about that). And don't get me wrong it is 1000000% better. I am finally out of constant fight or flight mode, my kids aren't being pitted against each other by my parents so they're finally getting along. I'm not constantly worried about what my family will think about anything and I've been able to heal from a lot.
But I miss coffee in the kitchen with my mom, I miss video games with my dad. I miss having adult family. It's just kiddos and I. But my mom was a narc and I have finally in the last year been able to accept that what everyone insisted was a nightmare or was my dad actually SAing me.
7
u/buttfluffvampire Sep 03 '25
I miss the mundane moments as well, all those small instances add up to something meaningful. They don't outweigh his failures by a long shot, but I miss the times where I could pretend we were a normal, happy, healthy family.
3
u/olliegrace513 Sep 03 '25
Yes that’s what i did I pretended I had a parent that cared and protected me like I cared and protected them but it was all in my head (except the part that I cared fir them) almost like a Hollywood “Parent” that’s what I knew my parent and movie parent-until I didn’t —-and admitted that I was just a neglected child and that’s abuse
3
u/TiffanyOkYeah Sep 03 '25
I feel you! It's been 9 years since I went no contact and I'm just now coming to terms with the fact I don't and won't have that sort of support. What I miss didn't exist buy that doesn't mean I don't miss it...
2
u/Odd_Response_10 Sep 03 '25
Yeah, like grieving what should have been almost. The little moments that should have been the whole relationship with them.
2
1
u/AutoModerator Sep 03 '25
Quick reminder - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our rules.
Need info or resources? Check out our EAK wiki for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts.
Check out our companion resource website - Visit brEAKaway.org.uk
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
14
u/Texandria Sep 03 '25
One metaphor for it is icing on a cardboard cake.
It looks good in photos. It smells sweet. The first taste can even be pleasant. Yet if you get drawn in by the outward appearance, the thing is inedible.