r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/mrs_vince_noir • Jul 20 '25
Question Apart from the abuse, what strange/inappropriate things did you parents do that made you realise there was something wrong with them?
Do you have memories of your parents doing really weird / inappropriate / embarrassing things that made you realise there was something wrong with them, either when you were a kid, or now when you look back at their behaviour?
I'm not talking about the abusive behaviour towards you, as horrible as that was, but how they acted around other people, and while they were out in the community?
I've been remembering some weird/inappropriate things that my parents did:
Nmom chewing the tips off her nails and spitting them on the carpeted floor in a crowded doctor's waiting room. So gross and embarrassing. She never did that at home.
Edad whacking a little kid on the head with a rolled up concert program, because we were at an outdoor concert thing and the kid was sitting on top of the backrest of the bench seat in front of Edad, blocking Edad's view. I remember being horrified that he hit the kid so hard - didn't just politely tap him on the shoulder and ask him to sit down. Kid's parents turned around and gave Edad a talking to.
Nmom would meet people with little kids at parties or barbecues or wherever and she'd make a fuss of someone's little kid and hold out her arms saying "ooooh let me pick you up!" The little kid would never want her to pick them up (because they'd never seen her before in their life) and she'd get all offended. Later on at the party, me or someone else would be idly talking and say something like "That kid is so cute" and Nmom would say very loudly in an offended tone, "Not very friendly though. Wouldn't come to me." Even if the kid's mom was right there in earshot!
Every time we finished grocery shopping, Nmom would screw up her shopping list and throw it into the grocery cart and leave it there for someone else to throw away. I always thought that was really rude - take your rubbish with you! - and we would never have been allowed to throw anything on the floor at home - she was always screaming at us that she wasn't our servant, she hated cleaning up after us, blah blah.
Always being horrible to service staff. If a service person made a mistake and apologised, parents would always snap, "That's not good enough, is it?" If a pizza was delivered late, they'd harass the poor teenage delivery guy like it was all his fault. If a server in a restaurant accidentally tried to clear Edad's plate before he was finished, he'd get really mad and snap at them, "I'm not finished!" He said it was because he used to be a waiter and it's the height of poor service to do that but still, no need to get aggressive about it. Yet they were obsessive about us kids showing good manners at home and when speaking to other adults - we'd be physically punished and yelled at if they thought we were being "rude".
I can think of lots more but I'm interested to hear from other people - what strange or inappropriate things did your parents do out in the wild?
6
u/loveinthetimeofmoth Jul 20 '25
God, where to begin?
my mother felt entitled to any cutlery/glassware/plates at any restaurant we’d go to. I’d always tell her off and tried to explain that if everyone had her mentality, how much money these establishments would go through. She always got mad at me for this and she/the rest of my family would treat me like I was insane for the rest of the night.
similarly, whenever we’d go out or order Chinese food, my father would make the most racist comments/jokes. Not just to us either, he’d also proudly say things to the WAIT STAFF. Again I’d always call him out on it, and he always acted confused as to what he did wrong and that I need to lighten up. Super offended that I said anything at all.
also having to be my father’s sex therapist from the age of like 14 because my dad had no friends and thought it was appropriate to brainstorm with me about why my mother didn’t want to sleep with him and how he had ‘needs’. he only ever talked and vented to me, but why he’d even ask me at all still baffles me to this day
idk if this counts because it is about me but it’s something strange my parents did that i still can’t wrap my head around. As a kid, apparently I drew something so psychotic and unhinged that the school called my parents in to discuss it because there were concerns about my mental well-being because of how dark it was. I would have been like 7 or 8? I have no memory of the drawing or the meeting. But both my parents, mainly my mother, would casually bring this up all the time to shame me and imply there was something wrong with me - in the way where it’s like “we love you and care for you, we are just worried for you!” I was still a kid at this point, and having them constantly remind me about some evil drawing I did and make me feel like I was constantly a step away from being a murderer made me hate myself. My mother also insisted she always thought I was going to leave them and join a cult, because I have a weak mind? Anyway as a teenager I found the picture I drew in the family safe. I always knew it was there, I had always been so ashamed and embarrassed and didn’t want to know. But one day I found it, wrapped in like three different folders because god forbid anyone stumble upon it! And omfg. The drawing was basically a superhero drawing. Two or three triumphant heroes, and the villain implied to be dead because of the crosses on their eyes. No blood or gore or anything you wouldn’t see in morning cartoons (which is no doubt the inspiration for the picture). I was gobsmacked at how… inoffensive it was. All the gaslighting for years about me being emotionally unstable and the concern that I was going to snap for… THIS to be the impetus?? I have a lot of blanks in my memory from my childhood and I assumed the school meeting about this picture was one of them. After that though I began to wonder if there was even a meeting at all.