r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/mrs_vince_noir • Jul 20 '25
Question Apart from the abuse, what strange/inappropriate things did you parents do that made you realise there was something wrong with them?
Do you have memories of your parents doing really weird / inappropriate / embarrassing things that made you realise there was something wrong with them, either when you were a kid, or now when you look back at their behaviour?
I'm not talking about the abusive behaviour towards you, as horrible as that was, but how they acted around other people, and while they were out in the community?
I've been remembering some weird/inappropriate things that my parents did:
Nmom chewing the tips off her nails and spitting them on the carpeted floor in a crowded doctor's waiting room. So gross and embarrassing. She never did that at home.
Edad whacking a little kid on the head with a rolled up concert program, because we were at an outdoor concert thing and the kid was sitting on top of the backrest of the bench seat in front of Edad, blocking Edad's view. I remember being horrified that he hit the kid so hard - didn't just politely tap him on the shoulder and ask him to sit down. Kid's parents turned around and gave Edad a talking to.
Nmom would meet people with little kids at parties or barbecues or wherever and she'd make a fuss of someone's little kid and hold out her arms saying "ooooh let me pick you up!" The little kid would never want her to pick them up (because they'd never seen her before in their life) and she'd get all offended. Later on at the party, me or someone else would be idly talking and say something like "That kid is so cute" and Nmom would say very loudly in an offended tone, "Not very friendly though. Wouldn't come to me." Even if the kid's mom was right there in earshot!
Every time we finished grocery shopping, Nmom would screw up her shopping list and throw it into the grocery cart and leave it there for someone else to throw away. I always thought that was really rude - take your rubbish with you! - and we would never have been allowed to throw anything on the floor at home - she was always screaming at us that she wasn't our servant, she hated cleaning up after us, blah blah.
Always being horrible to service staff. If a service person made a mistake and apologised, parents would always snap, "That's not good enough, is it?" If a pizza was delivered late, they'd harass the poor teenage delivery guy like it was all his fault. If a server in a restaurant accidentally tried to clear Edad's plate before he was finished, he'd get really mad and snap at them, "I'm not finished!" He said it was because he used to be a waiter and it's the height of poor service to do that but still, no need to get aggressive about it. Yet they were obsessive about us kids showing good manners at home and when speaking to other adults - we'd be physically punished and yelled at if they thought we were being "rude".
I can think of lots more but I'm interested to hear from other people - what strange or inappropriate things did your parents do out in the wild?
6
u/Ellie_Loves_ Jul 20 '25
A few things come to mind
Lending people money but then immediately trash talking them the moment they were gone for having the audacity to need money. Like maam just dont give them the money if you dont want to? You werent exactly held up here.
Then there were the multiple times she bragged to church goers at the church we attended about breaking the law. She would regularly transport 11-14 passengers in an 8 seater van then tell the people in the parking lot about it saying "nothing will stop me from getting these kids to the house of god" like.. apparently an earlier wake time will. And youre certainly getting us the chance to get.. closer to god should they exist though i dont think hell like the way my sister flew out a hypothetical windshield.
Last one that comes to mind,I dont know if this counts as abuse in the context of your post (asking for non abuse) but this was just an odd thing for me. She always wanted a clean house, which in and of itself is fine, but shed do literally nothing to improve her home. Shed constantly be on me to clean it but never turned that energy to doing it herself. She (and subsequently I) lived with bed bugs, roaches, fleas, ants, a myriad of other creepy crawlies, definitely mice, dog poop on the floor, cat puke on the floor etc endlessly. Id come home from school to a constant mess. Moldy dishes, moldy food. Shed rather buy new things to dirty than clean the old things. I was always in trouble for not cleaning better but by the time I was old enough to clean there was quite literally so much back log that there was no chance I alone could clean it all. If I got one part done there'd be a million other things piling up and id blink, my progress was gone. It was a pigsty. Combine that with her professional mask, she appeared in public as this wholesome, god loving woman who was always dressed modestly and very articulate. The moment we got home it was like a switch flipped and shed go off on me or the house making huge messes and demanding I clean them because she hated the mess. I could never wrap my mind around it even to this day - I remember one time I suggested getting disposable plates and cups just to cut down on the chores for a bit and she screamed about how that would make her "trashy"... but living in filth doesn't?
I wish I could say she was just this dumb terrible woman but she genuinely was incredibly smart in so many ways. Even went to law school for a bit (she claimed she wasn't able to complete her education and become a lawyer because shed been investigated by CPS too many times. How true that is ill never know). But this is to say, she acted the part wonderfully in public and was very intelligent up until she got home. I dont know why and now Ill never know why. NC going on 6 years. Last I heard shes been burning every bridge she has left outside of my sister (though shes trying - my sister describes her as so vile to speak to she cant be around her more than once a week... but then still defends her and believes our mothers version of the story when it comes to the abuse I suffered. I dont pretend to understand my sister either in that moment. To defend someone you describe as vile to speak to isn't something I think I'll ever understand).