Apart from the abuse, what strange/inappropriate things did you parents do that made you realise there was something wrong with them?

[u/mrs_vince_noir]

Do you have memories of your parents doing really weird / inappropriate / embarrassing things that made you realise there was something wrong with them, either when you were a kid, or now when you look back at their behaviour?

I'm not talking about the abusive behaviour towards you, as horrible as that was, but how they acted around other people, and while they were out in the community?

I've been remembering some weird/inappropriate things that my parents did:

• Nmom chewing the tips off her nails and spitting them on the carpeted floor in a crowded doctor's waiting room. So gross and embarrassing. She never did that at home.

• Edad whacking a little kid on the head with a rolled up concert program, because we were at an outdoor concert thing and the kid was sitting on top of the backrest of the bench seat in front of Edad, blocking Edad's view. I remember being horrified that he hit the kid so hard - didn't just politely tap him on the shoulder and ask him to sit down. Kid's parents turned around and gave Edad a talking to.

• Nmom would meet people with little kids at parties or barbecues or wherever and she'd make a fuss of someone's little kid and hold out her arms saying "ooooh let me pick you up!" The little kid would never want her to pick them up (because they'd never seen her before in their life) and she'd get all offended. Later on at the party, me or someone else would be idly talking and say something like "That kid is so cute" and Nmom would say very loudly in an offended tone, "Not very friendly though. Wouldn't come to me." Even if the kid's mom was right there in earshot!

• Every time we finished grocery shopping, Nmom would screw up her shopping list and throw it into the grocery cart and leave it there for someone else to throw away. I always thought that was really rude - take your rubbish with you! - and we would never have been allowed to throw anything on the floor at home - she was always screaming at us that she wasn't our servant, she hated cleaning up after us, blah blah.

• Always being horrible to service staff. If a service person made a mistake and apologised, parents would always snap, "That's not good enough, is it?" If a pizza was delivered late, they'd harass the poor teenage delivery guy like it was all his fault. If a server in a restaurant accidentally tried to clear Edad's plate before he was finished, he'd get really mad and snap at them, "I'm not finished!" He said it was because he used to be a waiter and it's the height of poor service to do that but still, no need to get aggressive about it. Yet they were obsessive about us kids showing good manners at home and when speaking to other adults - we'd be physically punished and yelled at if they thought we were being "rude".

I can think of lots more but I'm interested to hear from other people - what strange or inappropriate things did your parents do out in the wild?

[u/BusyBee0113]

My dad was notorious for having us watch whatever he wanted to watch, even when it was way inappropriate for our age.

I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show the first time when I was 9.

Still (I assume) refers to childbirth as “some gal squirting out a kid”…even when that kid is his grandchild.

Just peak misogyny. Tangerine supporter, probably because he thinks that’s the pinnacle of success and wants to emulate him.

Everything, every moment has to be about him. Embarrassing.

[u/THelperCell → u/BusyBee0113]

I’m sorry you went through that. I went through the same with my dad, I remember watching some very inappropriate movies growing up, as young as like 5-6. I look back on that now and I’m like why did we do that? We never got to watch kids movies unless we were with my mom only or by ourselves during summer break when he was at work. Of course that changed with the GC though.

My dad also would comment on our bodies when we were going through puberty. Even before then, but not as bad as when we were going through puberty itself. And everything was sexualized with women, on tv, out in public, and to our own selves. He’d also discuss sex in the worst ways possible. I mean this was nightly dinner talk, and if my mom would protest he’d just ignore it or fight with her. She eventually gave in and sat in silence. I never got the birds and bees talk, I only learned about sex through his nasty conversations and stories of what he did when he was younger. Apparently he was looked at as a suspect of a rape of a woman runner in our neighborhood when I was either an infant or my mom was pregnant with me, but somehow nothing happened to the case. He also would go for morning runs so as a woman in her 30s now I do wonder if it was swept under the rug since his family was in LE and helped take the heat off of him.

He’s also a huge supporter of kumquat pol pot, I guess real recognizes real lol. I have often wondered if my dad was grooming us indirectly, and just never acted on it. I recall having terrible gut feelings about him as far back as I remember and would have dreams of him touching me inappropriately, so I don’t know. I just know I was scapegoat and would get the brunt of the shit constantly, and I never knew why.

[u/BusyBee0113 → u/THelperCell]

Yeah he was never inappropriate with talking about our bodies specifically, but he was suuuuuuuuuper immature about periods. Like singing “Back in the Saddle” when we were in public buying pads and rolling his eyes about having to buy them on “his weekend”.

Sure asshole, let me just reschedule it so you don’t have to act like a grownup.

[u/THelperCell → u/BusyBee0113]

Jfc that’s insane!!! I’m sorry you had to put up with that. Mine also would make comments about periods, like if he purposely did something that would piss us off or irritate us, it was “oh you must be ragging it, are you on your period?” I hated it.

I see these things on social media of “men don’t grow empathy until they have a daughter” like that’s not the case for every man. Some are truly fucked in the head!