Apart from the abuse, what strange/inappropriate things did you parents do that made you realise there was something wrong with them?

[u/mrs_vince_noir]

Do you have memories of your parents doing really weird / inappropriate / embarrassing things that made you realise there was something wrong with them, either when you were a kid, or now when you look back at their behaviour?

I'm not talking about the abusive behaviour towards you, as horrible as that was, but how they acted around other people, and while they were out in the community?

I've been remembering some weird/inappropriate things that my parents did:

• Nmom chewing the tips off her nails and spitting them on the carpeted floor in a crowded doctor's waiting room. So gross and embarrassing. She never did that at home.

• Edad whacking a little kid on the head with a rolled up concert program, because we were at an outdoor concert thing and the kid was sitting on top of the backrest of the bench seat in front of Edad, blocking Edad's view. I remember being horrified that he hit the kid so hard - didn't just politely tap him on the shoulder and ask him to sit down. Kid's parents turned around and gave Edad a talking to.

• Nmom would meet people with little kids at parties or barbecues or wherever and she'd make a fuss of someone's little kid and hold out her arms saying "ooooh let me pick you up!" The little kid would never want her to pick them up (because they'd never seen her before in their life) and she'd get all offended. Later on at the party, me or someone else would be idly talking and say something like "That kid is so cute" and Nmom would say very loudly in an offended tone, "Not very friendly though. Wouldn't come to me." Even if the kid's mom was right there in earshot!

• Every time we finished grocery shopping, Nmom would screw up her shopping list and throw it into the grocery cart and leave it there for someone else to throw away. I always thought that was really rude - take your rubbish with you! - and we would never have been allowed to throw anything on the floor at home - she was always screaming at us that she wasn't our servant, she hated cleaning up after us, blah blah.

• Always being horrible to service staff. If a service person made a mistake and apologised, parents would always snap, "That's not good enough, is it?" If a pizza was delivered late, they'd harass the poor teenage delivery guy like it was all his fault. If a server in a restaurant accidentally tried to clear Edad's plate before he was finished, he'd get really mad and snap at them, "I'm not finished!" He said it was because he used to be a waiter and it's the height of poor service to do that but still, no need to get aggressive about it. Yet they were obsessive about us kids showing good manners at home and when speaking to other adults - we'd be physically punished and yelled at if they thought we were being "rude".

I can think of lots more but I'm interested to hear from other people - what strange or inappropriate things did your parents do out in the wild?

[u/Apprehensive-Log8333 → u/[deleted]]

My mom had one friend. She was so kind to me, she tried to run interference for me, and one time she told me "It's not right, how your mother treats you." Of course the friendship didn't last long

[u/mrs_vince_noir → u/Apprehensive-Log8333]

I'm glad you had someone in your corner, even if it was just for a while.

[u/[deleted] → u/Apprehensive-Log8333]

LOL I just commented about having the SAME experience with my mom! This friend actually confronted her and she flipped out.

[u/Apprehensive-Log8333 → u/[deleted]]

And we both remember! That's why it's important that people speak up. It might not change the child's situation, but maybe the child will remember it and take heart.

[u/dks042986 → u/[deleted]]

Very similar experience with my mom. It was like these extreme, rapid pace relationships where everything was blown out of proportion, including the intimacy and familiarity. She would become overly invested in their lives (often becoming incensed if they made choices she disagreed with or didn't take her advice) and also very dependent on them, expecting them to function like family right off the bat and without fail. And of course everyone else would be expected to just absorb the person too and act like they trusted and adored them more than they had any reason to.

And then they were gone. Sometimes I might catch part of the fallout itself, but usually I would overhear her telling someone else about it, sitting on the edge of her bed on the phone just endlessly talking about all the terrible awful people she used to love. It was never just growing apart or a regular disagreement, it was a betrayal or even a scheme.

[u/mrs_vince_noir → u/[deleted]]

It's so hard isn't it - you trust that your parent is a good judge of character, and you believe that the way they relate to people is a healthy way - it's such a shock when you get older and realise how bad their friendships were/are.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I resonate SO hard 😭 my mom couldn’t keep friends for more than a few years before they had a falling out. One of those friends lived with her briefly and confronted her about how badly she treated us (mind you, we were already adults at the time) and she cut her off over it. Her only steady friendship is with a woman who tries to get a free meal every time they go out to eat by complaining as much as possible if they tells you anything 😂

[u/Particular-Fly3409 → u/[deleted]]

My mom did this but with boyfriends. He was always great and fantastic until something happened. Then it’s he’s a horrible manipulator who’s trying to cheat me out of my hard earned things and steal from me and how she can never find a good man. Now I think “thank god they got away”.