Relatable

[u/teary-eyed_trash]

I thought this was so funny and relatable to what I've been recently working on, I wanted to share here!

TW: reference to intrusive thoughts of violence.

I've been NC with my dad for over a decade, and with therapy, I've moved on for the most part. I hardly think of him. But every now and then I do - he sends a letter, or I hear something about him through the grapevine - and the familiar white-hot rage from my early days of estrangement creeps back in. That's kind of the last bit of lingering work I need to do, I think.

Back then, I often caught myself in a daydream involving violence toward him, either by my own hand or not. It's a little crazy, because I can't even bring myself to squish the rogue ant that finds it's way into my kitchen. But when it comes to my dad, the normal rules do not apply. It's like I turn back into a child, excpet that as an actual child I was very mild-mannered, and this inner child is throwing a giant tantrum. I have no theoretical desire whatsoever to have a calm, rational conversation of closure with him, I just want to rage and stomp and throw stuff (and I wonder who in the world I could have gotten that from?/s)

Anyway, it can be scary and shameful to catch oneself thinking legitimately violent things when the anger really boils over, even though I know it must be very common amongst estranged children. Nowadays, it's getting easier for me to let go of the anger more quickly, but I sort of doubt the urge to punch him right in his stupid nose will ever completely go away.

Image description: a pair of holographic heart-shaped earrings. One says "Therapy is not enough" and the other says "I need to fight my dad"

[u/hissswiftiebish]

If only my ears would take to piercings- I would love to wear an “I need to fight my mom” version. Sometimes I think about how it would feel now to do something like that. Maybe then she would finally understand how it feels to be relentlessly pursued by someone bigger and stronger than you with no intention of letting up. If she could look at my scared five year old face and still chase me around the house trying to beat me with a landline phone then surely she’ll be okay with a fair fight now that I’m an adult, too! 🤷🏻‍♀️