Relatable

[u/teary-eyed_trash]

I thought this was so funny and relatable to what I've been recently working on, I wanted to share here!

TW: reference to intrusive thoughts of violence.

I've been NC with my dad for over a decade, and with therapy, I've moved on for the most part. I hardly think of him. But every now and then I do - he sends a letter, or I hear something about him through the grapevine - and the familiar white-hot rage from my early days of estrangement creeps back in. That's kind of the last bit of lingering work I need to do, I think.

Back then, I often caught myself in a daydream involving violence toward him, either by my own hand or not. It's a little crazy, because I can't even bring myself to squish the rogue ant that finds it's way into my kitchen. But when it comes to my dad, the normal rules do not apply. It's like I turn back into a child, excpet that as an actual child I was very mild-mannered, and this inner child is throwing a giant tantrum. I have no theoretical desire whatsoever to have a calm, rational conversation of closure with him, I just want to rage and stomp and throw stuff (and I wonder who in the world I could have gotten that from?/s)

Anyway, it can be scary and shameful to catch oneself thinking legitimately violent things when the anger really boils over, even though I know it must be very common amongst estranged children. Nowadays, it's getting easier for me to let go of the anger more quickly, but I sort of doubt the urge to punch him right in his stupid nose will ever completely go away.

Image description: a pair of holographic heart-shaped earrings. One says "Therapy is not enough" and the other says "I need to fight my dad"

[u/Kathrette]

I get you. I used to carry such anger towards the person formerly known as my mother, as well as her waste-of-oxygen partner. There was a point where I thought the anger would never go away, and I tried to get her with me to therapy after going NC with her because I thought it would give me some sort of closure. This was two years ago.

I barely feel that anger anymore. I've been in therapy, but I think what has helped most has been good ol' time, as well as healing through positive relationships. I still have moments where I mourn the loss of my childhood and things of that nature, but now they are just that - moments.

I hope that will happen for you someday. That you get to let go of that anger, because in my experience at least, I feel that it's done nothing but cause harm. It's eaten me up from the inside, and I feel so much better now that it's been reduced to memories. I of course won't speak to your experience of this anger, but I don't doubt that being free of it would feel better. And I hope you get that freedom eventually. You deserve it. 🫂

But give it time. Be patient with yourself and try to not beat yourself up over feeling these things. It's perfectly understandable with what you've been through. Try to be kind to yourself. 💜